The rain began to fall right as dusk settled against theLa Platas. The intoxicating blend of thunder rolling over these 3 elements sent me into comatose bliss on my sagging blue love seat.
Suddenly I’m awake and Monsters Inc. rolling credits. I can’t even remember the beginning of the movie. There is a 50-minute blank spot in my life. My daughter is looking at me quizzically.
This issue first reared its ugly head almost a year ago. Apparently, its back with a vengeance.
Later on, while watching Dog the Bounty Hunter and having girl talk with my gay boyfriend, I heard the bears pounding furiously on the trash cans. The bear locks make one-handed trash disposal nearly impossible, but at least there’s not a small landslide of food to clean up in the morning.
The bears must have spooked a skunk, because the next thing you know, I’m running to shut the door, pissed that I can no longer enjoy the sound of the rain. After debating whether or not Meryl Streep was right in Doubt, Gayboy and I said our nitey nites and skipped my Wii Fit in exchange for a big, soft pillow.
LB didn’t want to leave her new daycare yesterday. She was more than excited to go back this morning. Why do I even worry about these things? My body clearly is telling me to chill out.
All good things come to an end. All bad things come to an end. Endings are part of life. Understand the ending is PART of the story. The next part is the beginning! Which is huge! A huge new beginning. And a new nest or home to settle into and live in. – Anne Ortelee
I’m bad at endings. Ending conversations. Ending relationships. Ending the day (I HATE bedtime routines). I have about 5 different screenplays laying around. None of them have endings. I’m constantly irritated that endings don’t naturally happen, sometimes they involve conscious decisions, forceful actions, hard choices, and clear boundaries.
In true Piscean form, I would rather all of life’s problems simply drift away on a slow river. Denial, yeah, that’s my forte.
I guess there’s nothing to do but meditate on that quote, and hopefully find some peace in it.
Mindy, who I had the pleasure of meeting IRL (so wierd that we say that now), gave me this most coveted award. Thank you, fellow Colorado single mama!
The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardees must then post ten honest things about
themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.”
I think honesty is put to the test when you tell people things you’d rather not share. Things that scare you. So here’s 10 painfully honest / potentially disturbing things about me (proceed with caution):
- I blogged about growing up with the non-deoderant wearing counter-culture before, but might as well reiterate the embarrassment: My best friend in high school had to tell me that I stunk. Our science teacher pulled her aside and asked her to say something to me. It was probably the most humiliating experience of my life.
- I failed my driver’s test twice. Probably the second most humiliating experience of my life.
- At film school I was asked to be “topless, taking a bong hit” in a student video project, because I had big tits and he wanted to visually represent Sex, Drugs & Rock ‘N Roll. I politely declined.
- However, I did play a lesbian drug dealer in a different student film.
- I was hazed when I joined the college basketball team. They gave us shots of Bacardi 151 and forced us to go on stage at the local comedy club. 3rd most humiliating experience of my life.
- I was approached by the boyfriend of my college roommate. When his girlfriend found out he was sending me naughty emails, he claimed I seduced him, and it ended my friendship with her. I’m sure she still considers me a crazy, white trash slut from Colorado.
- I’ve had boyfriends of friends approach me twice more since then.
- My lowest point: I traded my 1989 Honda Civic for 500 Oxycodone.
- I wanted to sing “Over the Rainbow” at my grandpa’s funeral, but I chickened out.
- When I’m lonely and missing men, I go here to satisfy my needs. P.S. I think its a lot better than going to my friends’ boyfriends. Assholes.
As for the following kick-ass bloggers, I bestow the award upon you, and I dare you to be as honest 
Dear Daughter,
I keep coming back to this word “nice.” I’m always telling you things like “that’s not nice,” or “nice girls don’t pick their noses,” in an attempt to socialize you into the ever-expanding world you are discovering. I tell you to be nice because I don’t want you to be a bully. I don’t want other kids and adults to avoid you. I don’t want people to judge you.
Honestly. Who am I kidding? Those things can happen. Why do I think I have any sort of control over it?
I’ve been feeling pretty apathetic lately; kind of jet-lagged from the events that have consumed my life in the past two months. Work is getting increasingly harder to focus on. There’s no sense of accomplishment, just a never-ending cyclical conveyer belt of tasks. I’m starting to get twitchy about it.
I also feel like I’ve put on at least 5 pounds in the last week. I’m starting to revert back to avoiding mirrors & staring at the sidewalk instead of making eye contact. Not good.
I’m looking for a distraction, so here’s this week’s horoscope:
Last week, we lost Ed McMahon and then, on the same day, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson as the Moon traveled through Leo, triggering the South Node of Loss. We can expect quite a few more celebrity type people as well as the folks in our lives to leave earth or announce changes that involve “loss” such as ending marriages, leaving jobs, breaking up partnerships, moving away or retiringas the first Lunar Eclipse takes place near the USA Sun. – Anne Ortelee, Astrologyhome.com
I hope the “loss” as it applies to my life, means my current attitude (oh and maybe a few pounds).
Blondie called me this week. Its the first time she’s ever contacted me on her own. She wanted to know LB”s test results for Whooping Cough, then proceeded to ramble on about this “outbreak” in La Plata County that is currently under investigation by the federal government. Uh…yeah, she’s all about conspiracy theory. Remember her thoughts on the Swine Flu? Its sad , but I think some people can’t function normally without being constantly surrounded by chaos, stress and general panic.
I was reasonably cordial to her, considering what her daughter told me 6 weeks ago. I don’t know if her calling me was genuine concern for LB’s well-being, morbid curiosity, or an attempt to sweet talk me into letting her become LB’s “daycare provider”. Let’s hope it’s option 1. Because I’m enrolling her at the new place, starting next Wednesday. I still have decision-making control (after attempted mutual agreement), and in a time-sensitive situation, I always have the final say.
Saw High School Sweetheart last night while grabbing tacos for dinner. He’s moving to my neighborhood, and got promoted to a regular 9-5 job. We’ve had a total of 3 uh…meetings/Get-togethers/Afternoon Beers since our intital coffee date. We still continue to Facebook and text each other, and its been nice having a guy friend in my life again. LB was her usual Gemini self, only x 100 due to the Jarritos sugar high she was on.
He said, “Well she’s about as cute as a button.”
”Thanks! I made her myself,” I said.
“I don’t really know about kids, but she seems like she talks a lot for her age.”
"Don't be too nice to me, Ok? It makes me nervous."
“Well, she’s an only child, so I really have nothing to compare it to, but people always ask me that. Plus, she’s a Gemini.”
He laughed. At that point, LB was using my arm as trapeze, so we said our parking lot goodbyes.
I really don’t know any other way to describe it, except for…..nice. I’ve never had strong feelings towards that word. It always seemed a little boring, or blasé. Who wants to be described as “nice” when you can be exhilarating, intelligent, fabulous or wildly entertaining? Now I think “nice” might be a good word to add to my life, especially when it comes to men.
What do you think?
Fellow Examiner/SV Moms Blog Franchise Writer/Single Mom Extraordinaire: April, read my mind and tagged me for a meme. 
This meme improved my mood at least 50% today. Thanks April!
1. What is your current obsession? These. Made in Durango. Created by Oprah’s former chef (yeah, those are the type of people who live here). Totally Rad. See kick-ass logo to your right. SPICY CHILE CHIPOLTE is my fav. Cannot resist them.
2. What is your weirdest obsession? Um, I think I’ve mentioned the fantastic half-mullet of Dog the Bounty Hunter here.
3. Recall a fond childhood memory? Blissfully ignorant games of hide and go seek in my neighbor’s pot field…..er…garden. Maple sugar in the spring. Cider apples & donuts in the fall. Outdoor theatre in the summer. You were good to grow up in, Vermont.
4. What’s for dinner? It’s only 1:45 pm. I don’t want to think about that until at least 3 o’clock.
5. What would you eat for your last meal?Frybread topped with gallons of guacamole & a pitcher of sangria.
6. What’s the last thing you bought? Intangible: Insurance from Progressive (website ROCKS and I love the fag hag in the commercials). Tangible: My gorgeous new car.
7. What are you listening to right now? The best, gayest, danciest radio station: Energy 92.7 Their tagline is “Your non-narcotic anti-depressant.” Genius.
8. What do you think of the person who tagged you? April is the shiz. If I were still in high school theatre class, I would be the annoying freshman following her around like a puppy. When I make to LA with my new wheels, We HAVE TO MEET!
Santa Fe is a weird city. It reminds me of Durango on crack. Its also has no city blocks. Nothing is in a square. Driving in Santa Fe is like following the yellow brick road. It curves and winds, and you never know what is around the next corner.
They also have zoning laws that restrict the height of all buildings to 2 stories. Add that to their monochromatic adobe design laws, its virtually impossible to orient yourself and get where you need to go.
After a brief desert monsoon, the sky cleared up and resumed its gorgeous New Mexico weather. I met the Craigslist seller, exchanged pleasantries and paperwork, drove the car and became the owner of the car you see before you.
Did I meantion it has a sunroof? And its a stick? And it has 6 disc in-dash CD player? I know the rest of America has already moved on to in-dash Ipod docks, but considering my previous car had nothing but a tape player and 2 blown speakers, I’m pretty stoked.
“I really wanna do right by you,” the Texan hippie told me as he handed over the keys. “Call me if ANYTHING goes wrong with it, and I will get it figured out. This car is great, I’ve had a lot of fun times in it. I hope it works out as well for you too.”
No results on Whooping Cough test yet. Apparently the lab is inundated with requests and are way behind schedule. Ironically, both Blondie’s sister and her two kids have full blown, hacking-up-their-lung Pertussis, so I’m actually glad I got LB on antibiotics before I’m forced to send her over there this weekend.
- Spot is secured at the new daycare. My kiddo can start the first week of July.
- Meeting Craigslist dude tomorrow morning to drive the car, and most likely purchase it
Between these two major changes, my bills will increase $530 a month. Luckily, with my new job & the egg donation cash, I can afford it. I’m pretty lucky actually.
Since I am attempting to involve Roofie in parental decision-making, I told him about the new daycare and LB transitioning next month.
I could make a really dirty crab joke here...
So tonight I get my White Trash Hottie fix, and last night I was fully enjoying my strapping young Fisherman fix (see photo). Who knew the world of Reality TV had so much wealth in the manmeat department?
Wow. I may O.D. and end up starring on my Monday Night fix. Rehab from these boys could be in my future.
After this hell week, a glass of wine and some alone time with Jake & his brother Josh is definitely what the doctor ordered. Hell, I may even watch The Perfect Storm afterwards, and really get the full cap-wearing, plaid shirt, blue collor manly man treatment.
2 more days to get through. I’m driving to Santa Fe this weekend to check out a very promising Craiglist car. If I can get my finances together before then, I might be taking some steps away from this evil week. Cross your fingers on these things:
- Meeting with new daycare goes well and LB can get in ASAP.
- Those test results come back negative.
- I come home with a new car on Saturday.
- I get laid soon and stop my morbid obsessing over Deadliest Catch and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Toodles
I really didn’t want to rant, but whatever.
I’m done with Head Start. They can suck it. If they were trying to get rid of my annoying complaints and bitchy emails, they have succeeded. Its not worth it to fight them anymore. They are making my life a living hell, and I’m over their sloppy, unorganized, bureaucratic mess of a so-called childcare organization.
LB transitioned to the preschool class the day she turned three. No easing her into the new surroundings, just “take her there on Monday.” The new teacher had no clue we were coming. No one even bothered to tell her she was getting a new kid in her class.
Pre-Single Mommyhood
