I’m back with a Facebook rant.

Begin standard disclaimer: I know I haven’t blogged in FOREVER, yes, I suck.. blah blah.

Here’s why: I’ve been sliding deeper into the sludge of Facebook, which has been alternately emotionally & mentally unhealthy and slowly sucking away my creative writing ability. I used WordPress to express my thoughts, channel my fears and pains, connect with others and feel amazing satisfaction in the process. Facebook doesn’t give me that.  It’s become a tiny, frenzied world of competitive irritation and disgust for me, yet something I can’t stop looking at. I feel like it’s giving me OCD, and this is coming from a pretty laissez faire Hippie.

I used to blog once a day, which allowed me to actually THINK before I posted. Facebook has really brought out the thoughtlessness in humanity (and me!).  It’s so easy to constantly put sh!t on there. With a click of a button or swipe of phone, I find myself sharing CRAP all day long now. It’s not one status update, it’s Memes, quizzes, photos, songs, videos, political campaigns, contests & articles. My news feed is splashed with digital vomit. I find myself hiding people’s posts more and more often. I do my best to avoid the “like” addicts, begging me for attention.  

The worst part: I feel like Facebook is making me dislike my friends more, and creating a judgmental asshole out of me. But what are you supposed to do when things are posted? It’s right THERE, intended for you to respond to it in some way. It WANTS you to like it, right? That’s why the stupid “thumbs up” button is so easily clicked. There’s no “I hate this crap and I can’t believe you like it” button. Or, “Yeah that was cute the first time someone posted it, but at this point I never want to see Grumpy Cat again” button.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love my friends. I just hate how Facebook has changed our relationships, how it’s cheapened them, hyped them up, yet trivialized them into “status liking”.  It doesn’t make me feel closer to them. If anything, it makes me feel further away, especially when 50 other people have liked a status and I want to run away screaming from it. I hate how Facebook has worked its way into face to face conversations, and how a room full of people will all be Facebooking from their phone instead of talking to each other.

Mostly… when it comes to internet crud.. I just…don’t want to know (see my Facebook theme song below)

I feel like most parents will say the reason they are on Facebook is to keep up with far away family. I know my Grandmother scans my page daily, hoping to find some photographic gem of my daughter picking her nose so she can treasure the moment forever. Once you have kids, you learn that it’s your DUTY to provide the elders with nostalgic gratification of said offspring.

So YES, I admit it serves its purpose. Sharing joyous moments and keeping connected with loved ones is valuable to me. But I don’t think 1000 baby pics should be plastered all over Facebook just because you are BORED and kid pics get tons of likes. The ease and obsessive nature driving the endless hours of Candy Crush, Farmville, meme sharing and other unimportant sh!t is what is burning me out on FB.

I guess you could argue that blogging is the same: just unimportant opinionated drivel, here only to serve my own selfish needs, ease boredom and provide myself with entertainment. The difference for me is, how I feel when I do it.  I feel good when I write something I’m proud of.  Status updates aren’t writing. They are announcements; blips of intention, some good, some bad, some totally meaningless. They are so easy to make, it’s like fast food; served and consumed and thrown away without even tasting the ingredients.

So I’m trying to slowly wean myself off Facebook. Or at least check it in moderation. It’s become difficult because so many people plan events through the website, and hardly ever communicate outside of that.  I also want to get back to being creative, because I did find a lot of joy and even actual relationships by writing this blog.  I’m friends with a lot of bloggers on FB, many of whom I’ve never met in real life, so seeing their kids grow up is kind of miraculous. It’s a treat, and I do enjoy it. So, thank you for letting me be a part of your lives.

Maybe I feel like I’ve lost some type of depth in my life, and I’m using Facebook as a scapegoat, when really I should be able to just ignore things I don’t like and control my obsessive behavior like a normal human being.

Either way.. we’ll see what happens.

Single Moms on Planet Earth

Laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself usually does not pave the way for groundbreaking realizations. However, laying on the couch watching Planet Earth on Netflix, makes for a single mom feel-good factory of hope and inspiration.

My good friends raved about Planet Earth because they, being good harmless Stoners, like to get ripped and watch the Discovery and Food Channels. Yeah, remember my obsession with Intervention (I can’t link to my post since I DELETED IT grrr)? Never once saw a weed smoker on there. Saw tons of Alcoholics, and guess what? Alcohol is legal!

Ok I’m really not going to get into the whole “legalize it” debate. I live in Colorado, its going to be on the ballot one day.

So upon rave reviews, I added Planet Earth to my Netflix, and since I was conveniently depressed/sick/ragging/at home yesterday, I proceeded to watch all 3 hours of disc one. Within 15 minutes, I was calling my Stoner friends, my sister the lesbian Geologist, ranting “Did you know that in Ethiopia…”

Uh, yeah we knew. We HAVE television. Uh yeah, I’ve BEEN to Ethiopia. Once again, this single mom is a year behind the rest of the entertainment world, and I used to be on the cutting edge, man!

Why was I ranting into my phone in maniacal menstrual madness? Because Planet Earth is all about single moms. Its about a single mama Snow Leopard, without any help, dragging a full grown Ibex up the Siberian cliffs in a raging blizzard to feed her cub. Its about a single mama Polar bear watching her cubs and simultaneously hunting for food. Its about single mama Panda Bear sitting alone in her den, nursing her cub, with no one to bring her something to eat. Its about survival, and the instinct to protect your child.

Obviously we are a highly developed species with the conveniences of modern human life. I can’t compare my pushing a shopping cart down the aisles of a grocery store to dragging a 300 lb goat up a cliff face with my teeth. But the intent is still the same: to ensure the survival of my child.

In a complicated, manufactured way, I follow a single mom’s guide to survival: I get up every morning. I wash, clothe and feed my child. I take her to a safe place while I hunt for a money. I use money to provide shelter, food and transportation. I repeat the process.

See? There is dignified, beautiful, natural honor in being a single mom.

Or maybe I have been thrown into full blown Hormonal Psychosis where I see myself as a Snow Leopard.

Where is “Single Parenting” Magazine?

I used to buy diapers off the Internet, and since I was such a fabulous customer (whatev), they also gave me a free subscription to Parenting Magazine. How much do I hate this magazine ? Let me count the ways.

  1. You tell me that being a “hot mama” consists of stealing your teenage daughter’s hot pink nail polish. (Red is just too aggressive).
  2. You preach vaccination scare tactics
  3. You preach general health-related scare tactics
  4. You insist on perpetuating battle of the sexes stereotypical articles like “Are girls easier to raise than boys?”
  5. Your single parent articles consist of widowed dads and parents who live together, but aren’t married.
  6. Your target audience is upper middle class, white, stay-at-home (maybe part time working), heterosexual moms who have nothing better to do than make cookies for the soccer team.

I mean your magazine is BORRRRING. Honestly, with all the information available on the Internet, do we really need another article on how to keep your kid healthy during flu season? All your letters from moms around the country make me want to gag. Can’t you publish any real letters, not just sappy kiss-my-ass crap?

With 32% of babies being born to single moms, cant you adjust your target audience just a little? Or are we “not the magazine reading type”? Thank god for my fellow single mom bloggers, and the kick-ass ladies at Iheartsingleparents.com. You give the army of single parents something worth while to read.

OH P.S. Parenting, your pregnancy magazine sucks just as bad. Its what drove me to read “Misconceptions” by Naomi Wolf, pretty much the most depressing/honest pregnancy book out there. THANKS.