Neptune on The Galactic Center

I recently paid a visit to my mentor, who is part of a co-housing establishment (I.E. a very organized hippie commune) and a professional astrologer. My family was originally involved with the planned community, but the price tag eventually became too high for us and we were forced to look at alternative home-buying options. It was a huge disappointment to my hippie family. Still, despite never living there, entering the Co-housing property always feels like coming home to me: a home I had in some alternate reality.

As we sat and talked about my chart and my aspirations as an astrologer, she shared some interesting information with me.

“Did you know that your Neptune is exactly at the Galactic Center?”

“What’s the Galactic Center?”

On top of the literal definition, Astrologers also consider the Galactic Center (roughly 26° Sagittarius) to be an extremely sensitive and powerful point in the zodiac. It’s where your truth lies, where you’re exposed to the purest, more cosmic forces in the universe. It’s where your nuclear reactor is, your magnetic core, where the all the atoms of your life come together in a particle accelerator and KABOOM explode into pure energy.

Neptune was at the GC during a few months in 1982, 1983 & 1984, so obviously I’m not the only one who has this aspect in their charts, but my mentor looked at my Pisces Sun, 12th house Moon and asked if I ever “felt” things were going to happen. I nodded, a bit in shock. You don’t really talk about these things. Especially when you have so much Saturn (doubt) and 6th house (mundane) action in your chart.

“I mean, I don’t spend much time on it.”

“Well you should. You should really focus on developing this connection. I mean it’s right there in your chart. EXACT!”

I used to think my mom was psychic. She had an uncanny way of knowing things before I told her (including my pregnancy), and when confronted by her, lies would dry up in my throat before I could even utter them. I was so convinced that my mom knew everything that was going on that I waited until I was 1000 miles away at college to experience anything she wouldn’t approve of. Maybe that’s just how all moms are, you can’t fool them. You came from them, so of course they know everything about you. Or maybe, it’s something else.

Neptune is the planet of dreams. Its the mystical ocean of secrets waiting to be tapped. Its the uncharted depths of our souls; the mysterious, dangerous, unfathomable world of our intuition and psyche. It’s art and music and film and imagination. It’s creativity and compassion. It’s where you cross the desert only to find that your destination has been a mirage. It’s delusion and drugs and escapism.

Sagittarius is the spacesuit you put on as you ready to enter orbit. He is Star Lord from Gaurdians of the Galaxy. She is Galadriel from Lord of the Rings. Sag is a soul-searching, higher-learning, time-traveling badass, eager to tap into the next mind-blowing party favor. Add Neptune to that mix, and things get straight-up Orbital.   Oddly enough, I think of my Neptune in Sagittarius generation as the “Rave” generation: Using music as a spiritual tool to immerse ourselves in sensory stimuli and float away into the ether.

Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you I have always said “going to a concert was like going to church for me”. Must be Neptune on the GC speaking.

So if I’m supposed to tap into my “connectedness”/awareness/inner voice/intuition/ psychic ability/galactic center..whatever you may call it.. I guess I better put on some music and get to meditating???!!

You learn something new everyday..

The gullible Empath

I’ve written about this before (pre-Saturn Return, in 2009): I’m a Pisces, blah blah, we are sensitive and easily led astray. Now I’ve matured a bit- I’ll be 35 on Sunday..OMG! Is 35 too old to say “OMG”? Now that I’ve reached my ripe soon to-be-middle age, I know that this fish DOES have a backbone somewhere underneath those scales. We are survivors despite our sensitivities, and depending on the rest of our planetary blueprint, we can be tough as nails and driven to succeed (That’s my Capricorn Venus talking 😉 ).

But deep down we are Empaths. We feel those good good good good vibrations as well as the bad. I just got back from an astrology conference where all the meeting rooms were named after elements: fire, water, earth air and aether.. yes ETHER.

“According to ancient and medieval science, aether (Greek: αἰθήρ aithēr[1]), also spelled æther or ether, also called quintessence, is the material that fills the region of the universe above the terrestrial sphere.[2]”–

How appropriate, I thought, since half the time I feel like I’m floating through the ether, totally unnoticeable to the masses. Oddly enough, people kept bumping into me, tripping over me, or flat out looking through me when I waved to them throughout the conference. Am I invisible?? Maybe I’m just part of the Quintessence.. I like that.

As a child I was quiet, often overlooked, always waiting with wide-eyed expectation. I often felt pangs of inspiration, the urge to create, I cringed at harsh words, cried at sad songs, but mostly felt like I was some kind of human filter: constantly absorbing the world around me, whether I liked it or not.

I soon realized this sense of “openness” about me became known as “gullible” by my peers. I had no walls, no boundaries and very little ability to say no. In other words: easy prey in the childhood jungle. It was a game of coaxing and belittling, luring and humiliating, enticing and tricking, advancing and retreating, until I became so afraid to believe in anything, that I stopped doing it all together. I denied my basic instinct to be empathic at all. How could I continue, when everything was a trap?

In college, my worst grade was in was Public Speaking. I remember distinctly feeling an immediate distrust of my audience; an abhorrence to expose myself, as if I was already being judged before the words could even leave my mouth. Having felt invisible most my life, why would anyone listen to what I had to say? How could they truly hear me?

Where I once was a sponge, I now was a stone; ready to be thrown, lest I be thrown at first. This may seem against the empathic way, but truly I was only acting as others had acted towards me, so in away I was absorbing their way of life.In my eyes there was no middle ground. I could be me, or I could be them. I could be soft, vulnerable and foolish or tough, strong and smart.

After years of absorbing many characters around me, and leading numerous “lifestyles” where I took on any role that seemed most beneficial to the particular situation I was in (oddly enough usually someone else benefited ha!), I had a bit of an identity crisis (Hello Saturn Return) and was forced to drag my true self out of the rock it had been hiding in. on top of being a Pisces, I have a Stellium in Libra/6th house, which explains my desire towards “the other”: giving to another, serving another, or (in this case) being another person.

So how to be an Empath in a world that values resistance to sensitivity? Shutting yourself off to feelings doesn’t work. You still absorb them, except they’re shit-stained in judgment, bitterness and resentment. Anytime you don’t get to be your authentic self, your soul is saying What the fuck, man?!! Unfortunately you have to be yourself, even if the world is in direct conflict with that. You have to learn, love, work, and exist in a way that’s right for you. Even if the world punishes you for it. Even if people take advantage of your openness. Even if being an Empath is painful, it’s better than pretending you’re someone else. You cannot receive joy if you’re not yourself. That joy belongs to someone else- you can’t take credit for it. Any good things that happen to you while you’re fronting as the cool, tough, IDGAF non-Empath are meaningless if they can’t permeate your soul.

The world may not love you for who you are, but you still have to love yourself. And that includes setting boundaries, disconnecting, and caring for your mind, body and spirit when you feel overwhelmed with life. Protecting yourself doesn’t mean shutting down, judging or distrusting everyone around you. It means finding a balance of openness, where other people’s problems, emotions, experience and words don’t become your own. Be aware, be smart and be open to the world, and you’ll reap the benefits of every joyful gift you receive.

Happy Birthday to all my Pisces people! I hope you give your inner Empath a big piece of cake 😉

The Golden Rule

I used to  believe in the Golden Rule. My hippie parents taught me to “treat people the way you want to be treated” and so I went forth into the world with the best of intentions for my fellow-man. I would show them respect and logically, I would receive it in return.

I soon realized the rule didn’t work that way. You don’t get back what you give. You can send out all the hugs and kisses and cakes and butterflies, but the world is not required to reciprocate.

This was a hard lesson for an impressionable Pisces like me. I couldn’t understand why I was being subject to so much abuse and torture from my peers. I was giving them love and understanding, they were giving me ridicule and disgust. Bullies and Opportunists preyed on my sunny disposition.  To them, if I was fool enough to let them in, it was my own fault for getting emotionally robbed.

Continue reading “The Golden Rule”

3: you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

LB in the grocery store:

(to a complete stranger)

Hi! I getting this cereal. The other one is too expensive, but this one is good.
(mildly amused)
Oh, that’s a good one, huh?
Yes, it IS a good one. I’m putting it in the cart now.
(starting to laugh a little bit)
Okay, you do that.
What’s your name? My name is LB. That’s my mommy. Her name is Hanna.
(waving to me)
(realizing child is still at the end of the cereal aisle, and coming to retrieve her)
Uh, hi.
Come on now, lets hurry and finish shopping so we can go home.
(going to the dark side)
(quickly exiting aisle)
Wow, she certainly is a friendly one, eh?
(attempting to force howling child’s legs into the shopping cart seat)
She sure is…
I want to drive the cart, NOT SIT IN IT!!! AHHHHH!!!

To the man selling wine:

Well hi there, cutie.
You’re old.

To the nice lesbian check-out girl:

He’s a nice boy.

In the bathroom:

(crawling under occupied stall)
I think there’s someone in here, let me see. Hi!
Continue reading “3: you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

Birthday interview with LB

I’m 27 today. I’ve  been out of high school 9 years, college 5 years. I’m just about 3 years into Mommyhood. I’ve had a mailing address in Colorado since 1996. I’ve lived on both East and West coasts.

I asked my co-workers if they remember anything in particular about their Twenty Seventh year. 3 of them got married when they were 27. Considering my golden year, 26 was pretty brutal (yet empowering), I wonder what this birthday has in store for me.

On a different note, I stole Jenn’s idea and interviewed LB last night.  Our daughters are about the same age, so I thought the results would be similar. Boy was I wrong.

  • What does Mommy always say to you?
  • What makes Mommy Happy?
  • *points to herself.
  • What makes Mommy Sad?
  • * points to me
  • What does Mommy do after you go to bed?
  • Take a Shower. We don’t take a bath. I want to take Bath with Mommy, then I get my Jammies on. Its Dark. Hey my rock! I’m banging  my rock, Mommy.
  • Where does Mommy go when you’re at daycare?
  • Go Home.
  • What does LB do at daycare?
  • Mariah hits me here. *Points to chest. Then she gets Timeout.

If you have a chance to interview a 2.5 year old, I highly recommend it, especially if they are a Gemini. Thanks for the inspiration Jenn, and I really liked your questions.

Full Moon in Cancer

Last night was the full moon. This full moon also happened to be in its home sign of Cancer. SWM had herself a little astrology lesson on Cancer and its ruling “planet” the moon, so I’ll elaborate a bit.

The moon signifies the unconcious. In the tarot deck, the moon card is about whats hidden in your life. What are you really thinking? What signs are being shown to you that you haven’t quite picked up on? We all have our fronts; the face we present to the world. Your sun sign is the outer shell of your personality jawbreaker. Its the first thing people notice about you, and the facade you like to hide behind. Your moon sign is whats underneath that. Its your soft underbelly, mingling (or in my case, fighting) with your outward appearance.

The full moon is a night of enhanced energy. A time to meditate and focus on the elements of the astrological sign which the full moon is hanging out in. When the full moon makes it cycle and lands on the sign it represents, then the mood is all about “You pass Go. You collect $200”- In the spiritual sense at least. You can feel the energy when the full moon is in Cancer. Your dreams may be a little wacky, but pay attention to them! They are trying to tell you something about the inner circle of your jawbreaker.

On that note: My dream from last night:

I was walking around the city of Boston at night. It was winter. I had no shoes on. I walked into a Dunkin Donuts and asked for some food. I held out my hand and the cashier started screaming. My hands were entirely black with dirt and filth, like I had been walking on them. There was glass and blood on them. Another cashier came up and told me to leave.

I walked out into the city and it was daytime instead of night. I saw a familiar face. We hugged and they told me to walk with them. Then they saw my bare feet and asked why I didn’t have any shoes. I laughed it off, pretending like it was no big deal. I didn’t know why I was shoeless. All my other clothes were perfectly normal. I said to my friend,  “Well, you know..” They gave me a strange look and walked away.

Unfortunately, LB climbed into bed with me at about 3 am, and I forgot the rest of the dream. This is why you should always write down your dreams immediately after waking up. Yeah, right.

Each astrological sign rules a body part. Its pretty easy to figure out, because it starts at the top of the body with the first sign (Aries) and moves down to end at the feet with Pisces, the last sign.

Since my sun sign rules the feet, I would analyze the bare feet in my dream as being symbolic of my astrological sign. Since your dreams are the unconscious feeling you have about your life, my filthy feet are representative about the negative emotions I have about being a Pisces. I wrote about my passive-agressive Pisces Sun/Aries Moon dynamic, and this is obviously still present in my dreams.

I would go more in depth, but LB’s dad just arrived to pick her up and I have a busy day ahead of me.

Have a relaxing Sunday, ya’ll. What did you dream last night?