LB in the grocery store:
(to a complete stranger)LB Hi! I getting this cereal. The other one is too expensive, but this one is good. Stranger (mildly amused) Oh, that’s a good one, huh? LB Yes, it IS a good one. I’m putting it in the cart now. Stranger (starting to laugh a little bit) Okay, you do that. LB What’s your name? My name is LB. That’s my mommy. Her name is Hanna. Stranger (waving to me) Oh…Hi. Me (realizing child is still at the end of the cereal aisle, and coming to retrieve her) Uh, hi. Come on now, lets hurry and finish shopping so we can go home. LB (going to the dark side) NOOOOOOO! Stranger (quickly exiting aisle) Wow, she certainly is a friendly one, eh? Me (attempting to force howling child’s legs into the shopping cart seat) She sure is… LB (screaming) I want to drive the cart, NOT SIT IN IT!!! AHHHHH!!!
To the man selling wine:Man Well hi there, cutie. LB You’re old.
To the nice lesbian check-out girl:LB He’s a nice boy.
In the bathroom:LB (crawling under occupied stall) I think there’s someone in here, let me see. Hi! Continue reading “3: you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”