Buttering up

Rooferman called last night. He was so chipper I thought he was going to burst into song. He said “I’m really happy how things are going. Thank you so much for meeting with me.”

I was the definition of skeptical. Either his parents have actually talked some sense into him, or he’s still trying to butter me up. At this point, I think a “change of heart” is out of the question.

He said he looked at the plan and wanted to hash a few more things out. He offered to set up another meeting with his parents before our PTC on Thursday. I wanted to ask him “what exactly are you talking about?’, but I agreed.

I still have points to make. Even after 2 hours, I wasn’t able to bring up all my reasons for why our almost-3-year-old should remain with her primary caretaker for most of the time. I haven’t even gone into the financial aspect.

I’m not going to be whittled down into an agreeable lump of play dough. I have my bottom line, and I think its pretty damn reasonable. Rooferman may think that he’s slowly getting what he wants out of me, but I can’t be manipulated anymore.

My lawyer and I are preparing for this case as if it were going to court. These meetings are just tiny shots in the dark on the way to the bigger battle. He’s trying to get me to sign a 50/50 plan, but why is he so desperate to meet with me before court if he so confident the judge will grant it?

In other news: Remember my old apartment complex? I received a letter today, indicating that they would like to give my deposit back (minus carpet cleaning). They even wrote “Good luck on your new job!” at the bottom.

Insane. This is the first deposit that’s been returned to me in the previous 5 years of renting, and from the last landlord I thought it would come from. No mention of the 3-month penalty fee either (knock on wood).

Man, I’m glad I didn’t call the newspaper on them. I AM debating on informing the Herald about the whole “Spot” situation, though.

I haven’t written an article for the Examiner in almost 4 days. I think I made 17 cents yesterday. At least if I get laid off from my job, I will have PLENTY of time to write.

“How to survive on 17 cents a day”

*insert maniacal laughter here*

Venus in Retrograde

I’ve posted about Mercury in Retrograde and the technological blips it brings to our lives. Cell phones drop calls, email accounts are down, phone companies have to restore service frequently, and general communicative hell breaks lose. Don’t worry kids, Mercury is far from Retrograde at the moment. Instead, our lovely planet Venus will be playing the sadistic role of Lady Macbeth.

Venus, being the “womanly” planet, rules emotions, families and relationships. When Venus is in retrograde, our emotions are thrown for a loop. We change our minds about how we feel, we have old boyfriends return to haunt us. Annie Ortelee described it extremely well by saying Venus in Retrograde causes a state of PMS in the world. Here’s her description of the Astrological weather in the next month:

And now we are going to have Venus pitch a hissy fit, a royal temper tantrum, for 40 days, in a sign she simply hates to hang out in. As my mother would say, “I don’t NEED this right now!” Well, ready or not, here it comes.

Yay.

I find it ironic that Venus is in Retrograde for the upcoming 40 days. Isn’t Lent going on right now too? Maybe we are all PMSing because we have given up our favorite food, our chocolate, our cigarettes, our alcohol. Just when we want to indulge in our PMS-curing elixirs, we CAN’T DAMMIT.

So for all you ladies out there, I’m sorry. Venus is pissed, which in turn will make us pissed, which will in turn make our boyfriends/husbands/fiances/fathers/male co-workers pissed. Don’t be too upset if you get into it with your significant other, because after April 16, all will go back to emotional normalcy.

Plus, our boys have it coming when Mars goes into Retrograde in December. Be on the look out for male PMS during Christmas, when the real Grinch comes out.

For all of you in custody battles, Venus in retrograde gives us the opportunity to re-hash all the details. Things aren’t working? Now is the time to fix it. Legal contracts should be carefully evaluated and perfected during this time. The mother bear is coming out in all us females, and what better place to utilize the energy than fighting for your kids in a court room, right?

Well bring it, cause the world is going to be more than little scared of our raging hormones in the next 40 days.

For more on Venus in Retrograde, click here.

Goodbye 2008

I finally listened to the messages. My voicemail was entirely full, so I was starting to worry about missing important calls. Rooferman called 10 times alone on Christmas, professing I was a heartless b**** for not letting me talk to his daughter on HIS day. This is from a man who has NEVER called to talk to LB EVER. All of a sudden on Christmas he turns into a martyr. He also said he’s filing contempt papers on me.

I had my meeting with Lawyerdude, who is kindly holding off on charging me a retainer up front. He says there are a few things we can do before our court date in February.

#1 I’m going to write up the Parenting Plan that I think is reasonable and bring it in to him to review.

#2 He’s going to send Rooferman a copy and ask him to come into his office if he has any objections.

#3 Lawyerdude will ask Rooferman to go back to Mediation, explaining that our new judge is going to be no different than our old judge, and he wants the MOTHER and FATHER to work this out before he has to make the final decision.

I asked him about being in contempt. He told me that it looks like there were two orders made in our case, but I only received a copy of one. He told me to go check out the file, which I did.

The only orders in our file are the judge granting the Motion to Recuse, and one from Child Support Enforcement, which consolidated our child support and custody cases into a single case number. No order for specific parenting time. No order that I’m in contempt of.

Blondie slammed the door in my face again last night, but at least LB wasn’t crying this time. The puppet master gave me a snide look and growled “We’ll be there at 8:30 am to pick her up on Thursday.” Since daycare is closed all week, Team B&R thinks they can have ALL DAY with LB instead of the usual evening visitations.

I’m not going to fight them on this. They are trying to get me angry. This situation has become so polarized, both of us think that we are all mighty good and the other party is Satan-incarnate. The only thing I can do is keep my sanity, stay grounded and be there for LB.

Rooferman still hasn’t shown his face. Since his insane message-leaving marathon, we’ve only communicated through text messages. He’s computer illiterate, so we can’t email.

So today, I’m working on my Parenting Plan, cleaning house and preparing for the New Years Eve Party I’m hosting. All my nearest and dearest will be there, and LB will open her 5th round of presents (crazy). I’m going to make Modern Single Mama’s hot buttered rum and Jiji is going to grace us with her traditional Navajo tacos.

I’m apprehensive for the new year. I wished for a kinder, gentler 2008, and I got a sadistic dominatrix instead. I’m not wishing for a gentler 2009, I’m wishing for Peace, Justice and Goddess-like Strength.

Here’s to all of you who’ve left support and comfort on my blog. Thank you for your virtual friendship. Cheers 2009!

In the dark

I’m back. Its late. I have all the lights off. I really don’t want to be alone right now. I don’t wanna be a single mom right now. I really don’t wanna write too much because I know my mom reads my blog now and I don’t want her to worry.

There were 15 messages on my phone when I finally was able to turn it back on. I can’t bring myself to listen to them. I’m scared to. I heard the first few before I left and I can only imagine what type of rage message #15 will express.

Rooferman’s truck was pulling out of my driveway when I got home. Why? What was he doing at my house? Will he try to come back?  Will he bring the cops? Will he try to take LB?

All I know is that he considers the act of taking LB out of town for 5 days was a direct violation of his parenting time. Maybe he thinks since I just up and left without his permission that he has the right to take our daughter without my permission. I’m scared he’s gonna do something crazy and I will be left screaming in a frozen parking lot with empty hands.

I hate this. I hate its the weekend and I can’t talk to a lawyer. I hate that he knows where I live. I hate that we have no official document saying I have custody of our child (other than child support papers). I hate that we can’t even see the new judge till February. I hate that I’ve tried everything I can think of to make some sort of respectable relationship with the father of my child and I’ve failed. I hate that this man has managed to make me feel terrified, confused and powerless once again. I hate being afraid in my own home.

And of course, just when my life is at its most unstable….I meet a guy. My first single dad. A guy who’s coming over to sit with me in my dark house for a little while because I’m scared.

The waters of my life are never tepid.

Limbo

Last day of work. I’m using a nice chunk of Annual Leave so I can take 2 weeks off and spend much needed time doing nothing. I’m so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. Today, no less than 5 different co-workers brought gifts for LB and me.

I was even presented with an entire frozen turkey.

Rooferman left several messages on my phone mentioning something about “leaving town with his daughter during scheduled visitation days.” I promptly sent him a certified letter indicating that unfortunately he did not show up for mediation today and therefore was not present to discuss this issue. And since he recused the judge, we have to start from scratch again with our parenting plan. Currently there is no order stating what our parenting time is, and therefore I have every right to take our daughter for Christmas. Since he had her for Thanksgiving, I think this is a reasonable and fair that I should have her for the next holiday. I informed him that we will be back in time for a Christmas celebration with HIS side of the family where he is welcome to participate and spend the night with LB at his parents’ house.

I’m sure Blondie will open his mail and read the letter first. I’m sure she will have a lot to say about it, and eventually I will hear from Rooferman speaking in her voice. I’m thinking of shutting my phone off for the entire week.

I’m also thinking of spending my egg donation compensation on officially hiring Lawyerdude. I don’t know how much further my legal expertise will reach. I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I can stand another 2 months of this should-I-or-shoudn’t-I-what-stunt-is-he-going-pull-next insanity.

Blondie

During mediation, Rooferman threw a curve ball, insisting that he “never said he moved out” and I “totally misunderstood” what he was trying to say. Apparently he stayed with “a buddy” for one night and he and Blondie are still living together at their old house. This doesn’t explain why he didn’t want me to pick up LB at his house for  3 consecutive nights, but I really don’t see how I can figure this out unless I hire a freakin’ PI.

So I went to pick up the Gemini child at their house like nothing had happened, and everyone was sitting around the TV, happy as clams. Actually Rooferman sounded pretty bad. He was hacking up a lung while Blondie put LB’s coat on. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me, let alone say hi.

I then proceeded to tell him that my mom has offered to pick up our daughter from daycare on Thursday since we both will be in court. He tried to pull the ole’ switcheroo again,  but I reminded him that we have to go back to mediation on Friday.

“WHAT?” Blondie shrieked, “You went to mediation last night!”

“Uh, it was rescheduled for Friday,” Rooferman fumbled.

Then I realized I had let the cat out of the bag. I looked at Blondie’s spastic face, while she continued to yell. “The judge said you had to go once, not twice. You are NOT going back to mediation. We can’t afford it!”

“We’ll see what the judge says on Thursday,” Rooferman said meekly.

I decided that was my cue to leave.

I really wanted to tell her that it wasn’t any of her business what we did, that THEY were the ones who filed for a new judge, and therefore prolonging this whole ugly ordeal.  I wanted to tell her that lawyers cost a whole lot more than mediators, and if she wants to push this thing to trial then she should get ready to file for bankruptcy.  I wanted to tell her that maybe she shouldn’t have put herself in a situation where she and kids were financially dependent on a man who’s got too much on his plate. I really wanted to laugh and say “welcome to my past” but I didn’t want a scene from Jerry Springer to transpire in front of my daughter (and hers!).

Blondie probably thinks I’m ruining her life. Its Christmas and yeah, EVERYONE is broke.  Everyone is scared about how they are going to pay for rent, let alone presents. $100 per hour definitely hurts, but its also going to help. Its for our daughter’s welfare. Its necessary. Unfortunately for Blondie, Rooferman has been wrapped around her finger and has been focusing on her priorities until now and she’s pissed about it. She’s probably scared too. I used to be scared all the time when I was with him.

Court should be interesting tomorrow. I’m expecting a crazed blond girl to jump over the bar and claw my eyes out if I even mention continuing mediation.

I really don’t want to hurt another single mom, but I have to do whats best for my daughter. I hope she can understand that.

Twas the Week before Christmas

UPDATE: Rooferman called at the last minute and now we have an appointment for Mediation at 4:30 pm TODAY.  I should change his name to “nick of time.” Wish me luck. I feel ill.

I’m subbing all week in the big wig’s office, so I may be MIA for a while. Some notes on recent activities:

  • The Polar Express rocked. LB, being Miss “Running Commentary” stood up and yelled “WE”RE LEAVING!” when the train started backing up.
  • Court again this Thursday
  • Received a letter indicating our Judge has granted Rooferman’s motion to recuse. Our new Judge won’t even see us until February.
  • Rooferman was 2 hours late picking up the child on Sunday. He also couldn’t give me an address where he was staying at, but he tried to give me directions to a trailer park somewhere.
  • My gay friend is back in jail again. He’s been living in a halfway house for the last 3 years and seemed like he might actually make it out. His dad called and asked me to write a letter to the Judge in support, so I’ll be making a trip to the “La Plata Ramada” as the inmates call it.
  • Still haven’t sent Christmas cards.
  • Looking forward to seeing my sister and finally meeting her girlfriend next week.
  • What’s on your plate in preparation for Christmas/Hannukah/Other Holiday celebration?