The curse of Selflessness

Ok so I haven’t written since November. I got sucked into the Galactic Center apparently. Or Saturn in Capricorn, or Mercury Retrograde..Whatever happened, I’ve been spit out on the other side of the Lunar Eclipse (Did you see that moon??).

We’re getting near the Aquarius/Pisces cusp.. and my birthday is coming up on the 26th. Hopefully I get through the next eclipse on the 15th reasonably unscathed. Last year I got a huge present from the eclipses and flew to Baltimore for 3 days of Astrological glory.

So like any normal astrologically-influenced human being, I was struck by today’s transit: Mercury at 10° Aquarius, which also happens to be my natal Mercury position. Happy Mercury Return  to me! What’s a Mercury return you ask? Here’s a link to a great description by Jo Tracey.

Soooo…. my natal Mercury is also exactly square to my natal Jupiter, which is unfortunate and amazing all in one package. I enjoy the sensation of mental lightning strikes, followed by the exhilaration of sharing said mental download. Or in other words: a tendency to exaggerate and get overly excited about ideas.  Some people find this endearing about my personality, some find it positively inexcusable.

Today’s lightning strike came through etymology. I was thinking about acts of selflessness. In my mind, selfless means generous, in service to others, the opposite of “selfish“. Good things, right? I’d like to describe myself in this way…

Then it hit me, as I started considering the actual WORD.  Other words with the suffix “less” attached to them are defined with the following examples…


All these definitions mean without their root, or lacking in the word that precedes “less”. So if Soulless means “without a soul” does selfless mean “without self”?

That thought creeped up and choked me with anxiety.

I have a self!!! My Aries Moon indignantly protested to my Mercury Return. Yes, I was arguing with my inner monologue, but bear with me…

Mystic Medusa, who blogs about Astrology on the regular, posted this on Facebook yesterday:


So perhaps I was primed and ready to have an existential crisis regarding self today. Or perhaps my chilly Aquarian Mercury wanted to stab my Pisces heart with a dagger of ice.


Taking both statements into consideration, I have to agree. Pisces puts on a facade. We deflect energy to others, avoiding the spotlight. We’d rather be in service to a cause, lending an ear to our friends, behind the scenes, instead of being the center of attention. But why? Is it because we… *gulp* have no self?

Are we afraid of being exposed for what we really are? Spineless fish? Gutted Mackerel? The proverbial Red Herring? Mutherf***ing sushi?

It’s easy to feel powerless when you buy into this notion, and I didn’t want to spiral into Neptunian depression over the thought of being nothing but a filet o fish.  Because I wanted to have substance. I wanted to be important. Who doesn’t?!

Begrudgingly, I analyzed my fellow Pisceans.. those who literally have given themselves away- everything away: body and soul. To drugs, to alcohol, to art, to a lover, to disease, to motherhood, to jobs, to friends, to marriage and ultimately to their demise.

We are the nuns of the world, devoted to God. We are the volunteers, the pro-bono and non-profit workers. The ones who give money to panhandlers, and spoil their children. We give our love to babies, to partners and to friends, and expect nothing in return.

That is selflessness: the giving of self to others.

But where do we stop? If we go to far… if we cannot draw the line, do we become swallowed by the world in which we give ourselves to? Do we go down the gullet of an even bigger fish?

Do we need to nurture ourselves before we give it away?

I suppose it all comes down to something even bigger than self: SOUL…

Even if Pisces are selfless, it doesn’t mean we are soulless. If we give and give until we cannot take it anymore, we must retreat to our inner world: our essence in which that desire to give originates. Our soul remains intact as long as we acknowledge its power and importance. Then we can continue to give. We can continue to be selfless.

We may just be floating through the river of life with the other fishes, but our purpose on this earth is essential. Without the givers of the world, we would be frought with endless war. Nothing would be nurtured or allowed to grow without demanding something in return. Those who need help would fall by the wayside.

So, stout heart dear Pisces. You matter. Your soul matters. You aren’t selfish. You are soulish.

This message brought to you from Mercury Return in Aquarius sq. Jupiter in Scorpio.

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