One awesome thing about Astrology is the ability to understand inexpiable and/or contradictory aspects about yourself. Perhaps you grew up in a very nurturing family, where you had tons of support and were very loved. You have a strong sense of confidence in your abilities, and portray a shiny perfect exterior, yet you are plagued by self-criticism and and judgement. Why? And how do you find congruence with this fact?
As my favorite astrologer Anne Ortelee says, “If it’s in your heart, it’s in your *natal* chart!”
My sun is in Pisces, and I’ve always identified with being compassionate, kind and understanding of the world around me, yet I am extremely harsh on myself. Like, zero tolerance policy harsh. It’s a total contradiction and I hate it! Ugh why can’t I be more compassionate with myself? My chart offers the following:
- My moon is in Aries. The planet of sensory input, emotional sensitivity and perception is in the hottest, quickest most reactive sign in the zodiac. I get enraged very quickly, my temper flares up in a snap, and when I feel attacked, I get instantly defensive.
- My moon is also in the 12th house. It took me a very long time to realize and accept the above about myself. The 12th house is the most difficult house to access and understand. Things stay hidden here, and often they’re the things that secretly holding you back, blocking your way, or keeping you stuck in the fog of illusion.
Since I identify so strongly with being a gentle Pisces, its hard to accept the harsher Aries side of myself. Especially since I’m so “other” (people) oriented, and I try to keep the peace (I blame my Libra stellium in the 6th house). I also try very hard to present a thoughtful, understanding option to every problem, and when that goes unnoticed, unappreciated and otherwise spurned, I get pissed lol.
What’s funny is that I denied being defensive for a very long time. I was getting defensive over being called defensive! OH the irony! lol
Aries is the sign of fiery action, but since it’s my moon, it’s expressed as reaction. And being in my 12th house, its unable to escape or be consciously realized- so it stays below the surface and turned inward.
I get very mad if my well-intended message is misconstrued or rejected. Aries is war.. and it really DOES feel like war when someone disagrees with me. My Pisces sun & Libra stellium don’t like war, and will take all measures to avoid such horror (lol). To stop an outward battle, I turn that war on myself, in order to prevent it from happening in the real world (Pisces are known for being self-sacrificing.. go figure).
Why do I do this???
I’ve been listening to Kristin Neff’s research on Self-Compassion, and how our inner criticism is really a survival tactic : We want to avoid failure in the future, so we go through all the problems, errors and mistakes we’ve made in the past. Our brains are wired this way so we can move up in our social hierarchies and become as successful as possible. We have to actively combat the negative voice in our heads that say “Why’d you do that, you moron?? You better not screw up again!” It’s a basic instinct, which also happens to be the driving force behind the sign of the Ram.
“Do we want to be an inner ally or an inner enemy?” – Kristin Neff
Aries is quick to jump to conclusions, draw battle lines and fire the first shot, but what if I’m shooting at myself? How is that damaging my self-esteem and self-worth? As a Pisces how am I able to give compassion to others, but none to myself? To overcome that (Aries) reaction, Ness says we have to become aware of it happening, acknowledge it’s painful presence, and actively comfort & empathize with ourselves. Comfort oneself as we would comfort a close friend or our child.
Ironically, all of this awareness is coming together right as Venus stations EXACTLY on my Moon at 13° Aries. Venus is love, and she seems to be hinting at my Moon to *ahem* start showing yourself some compassion.. ie: self-love!. Venus will be traveling backwards into Pisces, which conveniently gives me a chance to weave my fiery emotional state into my watery sense of self: a little sun & moon marriage counseling, or perhaps creating a spiritual hot springs. Whatever astrological metaphor you use, Venus is saying, “OK you two, it’s time to combine forces and work together already, instead of his polarity bullshit.” So here’s to hoping I come out of this Retrograde cycle with an Aries moon ally instead of enemy.
*BTW you can take a quiz on Kristin’s website to see how self-compassionate you are. Happy Venus Retrograde! Let me know how you’re all feeling this next month & half!