protective

I’ve been clingy lately. I need lots of hugs. I spontaneously put my head on  people’s shoulders. I’m like a dog who keeps nudging you with his nose: Pet me, pet me. If I see an open lap, I have an overwhelming urge to lay my head down on it. Like a little kid, I wish someone would just stroke my hair.

I was helping my friends move this weekend. We sat down for a rest after carrying their mattress upstairs to their bedroom.

“We’re gonna have to switch sides again,” said my friend to his girl.

“Why?’ she asked.

“Cuz now your side of the bed is closer to the door. Anyone coming through that door is gonna have to go through me before they get to you, so we’re switching.”

My instinct was to laugh. I’ve been alone in a bed at night for so long, a thought like that would have never passed through my mind. I wanted to scoff like the feminist I was raised to be, but for some reason… I was jealous instead.

I wanted someone to feel that protective of me.

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12 thoughts on “protective

  1. I get that. I totally understand both of those reactions. I probably would have felt the same way. Part wanting to to roll my eyes, and the other part wishing I had someone.

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  2. Yeah, Dan has a similar rule. Though our bedroom is complicated by the fact that there are two doors AND a sliding glass door to the porch! We manage tho. 😉

    It’s not anti-feminist to want a guy who wants to protect you – it’s a nice feeling, even if you also know that you are perfectly capable of protecting yourself! It’s not about feeling/being/acting weak, it’s about feeling loved and cherished and safe, in every sense of the word “safe”. And, I have no doubt you’ll find that. There are plenty of fish out there, and now you’re swimming in a much bigger pond!

    Film on the Rocks was fun – we MUST hang out more!

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  3. I’d give you a hug if I could!! A virtual one will have to suffice.

    I love Kori’s comment, and Carlie’s. So very true. It’s not about feeling like you have to have someone to protect you, it’s just a nice feeling to know that a person cares about you enough to want to. I have full faith that you will find that.

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  4. I am sure it is tough, and it pains me to watch you be so troubled. Please know that we all love you and are there to support you. It was so great to see you and I miss you!

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  5. Boo! I’m sorry you’re going through such crap. I really wish I was closer so we could go and hangout. Dang it. If you need ANYTHING AT ALL call me..I will round up the other two Leos and we can have a speaker phone rant session or something. I miss you a lot girlfriend and hopefully I’ll get to see you soon!! Many hugs!! 😀

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