The date was a bust. Absolutely no chemistry between us. Conversation consisted of me talking 90% of the time and staring out the window. I tried to ask open-ended questions. I wanted to hear his story. I wanted to see if there was something intriguing about him that could lead us into a real conversation.
It never happened. He moved to Durango to snowboard. He’s from the Front Range. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life. I was so bored with the conversation that I didn’t even think to get his Astrological stats, so I could look them up later.
He did ask me about my daughter. He did pay the bill. He did walk me to my car. He was polite. He was nice. But that was all. I don’t think I can base a relationship off a handful of decent qualities.
I wasn’t really expecting much, so it wasn’t disappointing. I did start feeling a little down, wondering if this was the best I could do. I don’t want to lower my expectations, because I am happy being single. I don’t need to be with a boring guy just because he is cool with me having a kid. It’s not worth it.
But I feel like the people around me are sending me the message that I should be happy with what I can get. That a perfectly decent guy who likes kids is what I should be looking for. Doesn’t matter if there is no attraction, or if he is double my age, if he’s cool with LB (my physical evidence of a failed relationship), what else could I want?!
It just rubs me the wrong way. I’m not desperate. My child is not tumor I’m infected with. I don’t need people to find an acceptable man who will love me despite the child trailing behind me. I want someone who likes ME, and that means he will think my single motherhood is desirable, an asset to my personality, not something to be ignored. If it freaks him out that I have kid, then obviously we’re not meant to be. But, I can find that out on my own. I don’t need my friends to screen potential dates for me.
Or maybe I’m being overly defensive, and I just have to learn the hard way.