single mom

Dating

I’m going on my first date since Junior year of high school. That was (count them) 10 years ago. I’m freaking out. I don’t know how to do this. Maybe it’s because this has been my relationship history in the last 10 years:

  • Dated HS Sweetheart Freshman year of college until the Army killed all the joy, and sent us both into downward spirals of self-destructive behavior.
  • Became a hermit for most of Sophomore year. Wondered if I was a lesbian since my only friends were members of the LGBT community & my roommate.
  • Junior year, said roommate’s boyfriend told me he wanted to f*** me, which resulted in the end of my friendship with roommate and her boyfriend labeling me a slut to everyone they knew.
  • Had a ONS with a  DJ I met in a club during my Senior year. He told me I was the first white girl he’d ever slept with.
  • Got a lap dance from a very homosexual exotic dancer during my basketball teammate’s 21st birthday party.
  • Former Roommate’s boyfriend’s little brother enrolled in college and started coming over to my dorm. Received many threatening emails from Former Roommate AND her boyfriend for my whorish ass to “stay the hell away from him.” Got very close to sleeping with little brother just for spite.
  • Graduated, moved home and hooked up with fellow drug addicts.
  • Had a menage a 3 with Icktapuss & Chivman.
  • Met Rooferman. 6 months later we were engaged. 3 months after that we were pregnant. Roughly 2 years later he said he didn’t love me anymore.
  • 6 months after moving out, A Babydaddy of my friend started sending me dirty texts, while she was in the hospital NICU with her baby. He got angry when I refused his offers to meet.
  • Scared away Sushi Boy.
  • Nurtured a crush on “Spot”
  • Went to Single’s Night and had the most uncomfortable experience EVER.
  • Lusted after many a guy via work stalking.
  • FWB with Young Buck
  • Reconnected with Chivman
  • Reconnected with HS Sweetheart

Now I’m trying to date. It feels so unnatural. And judging by my past, I think I’m screwed. No pun intended.

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6 thoughts on “Dating”

  1. No you are NOT. Just try to go on this one date and see what happens. You know more what you are looking for, or NOT looking for, and nothing in your past pre-destined you for relationship failure. If nothing else, it’s a night out. Nothing more, nothing less, unless you want it to be. most importantly? Have FUN. 🙂

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