“Normal”

Ok…the truth.

Now that I’ve dipped my feet into the waters of Single Mom Sexuality, I’m hesitant to blog about it. Young Buck has come and gone, though he still sends me texts when he’s drunk and lonely. I blogged about him before I could stop myself, and luckily it didn’t bite me in the ass. I was sopping up the 21-year-old attention like a sponge, but I had enough sense not to let it get out of hand. At the same time, perhaps I should have handled it a little more tactfully.

So I’ve been holding back on the details of my current situation. Now that a good 75% of my friends read my blog, and perhaps 25% of their friends have started reading, I’m getting questioned at lunch, in emails, on Facebook, through the phone: “So, what’s the lowdown on your love life?”

I’m in the middle of two different men (no, not like that you sicko!), yet odly enough, both Scorpios. These men are good guys. Good friends. I trust them. I really like both of them. I’m a fish caught between the claws of seductive, sinful, Scorpion charm, and I’m liking it 99.9% of the time.

However, neither men are serious, long-term possibilities. They are not traditional boyfriend material. They have their own little lives going on, and dating a Single Mom is not going to work for them. They don’t fit into the mold of what a “normal” relationship is.

I’ve been thinking about that word a lot lately. I think about the people I know:

  • My mom and dad who officially got divorced last month. Who have been living in separate houses for 4 years now, but who are “still in love” as my mom puts it, they just aren’t financially responsible for each other. After supporting a musician for the last 29 years, she decided that now she can give money “out of love” instead of “obligation. Such a hippie way to look at it.
  • My sister and her girlfriend, happy has clams (OH GOD did I just say that) in Alaska. After seeing them together for the first time last Christmas, I found a new respect for couplehood. It can work, it can be inspiring, and it doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman.  I have never seen someone compliment my sister’s personality the way her girlfriend does, and its beautiful thing, man.
  • My two married Leo friends, both in their first decade of wedded bliss. Filling the roles of traditional couplehood, in a way I didn’t really think was possible anymore. Dedicated, honorable and courageous in the times we live in.
  • My gay friend, his fiance and their adopted son. They have created their own little lives far away from the formerly Red State of Colorado. I look back at the person my friend was in high school and how far he’s grown and adapted and emerged as a true human being.
  • Scorpio Boy #1is in an open relationship with his girlfriend. She is bisexual, and both have an agreement that its ok for them to be with other people. I couldn’t believe it, but this agreement has worked for 4 years. Now I could be that girl on the side.

So, what is a “normal” relationship? Are any of the above relationships wrong? Is one better than the other? As a Single Mom, I’m already out of the norm. I used to think this meant I was damaged goods, but really, when you look around…is there a majority anymore? Do more people stay together than break up? Can you be a divorced “dating” couple? Can a polygamist relationship really work, and do I want to be that …2nd wife?

Paging Big Love…

I’ve tried envisioning my future in the crystal ball, but I can’t see a clear picture. I don’t see marriage, though many of my friends have bemoaned this statement. Don’t say that! they cry, you’ll find someone! But, do I really want someone? Am I a better person when I’m with someone? History has taught me, no. I give too much of myself and turn into a wet mop. I’ve never been better than I am as a single mom. I like making my own decisions. I like answering to no one but myself. I like that my daughter sees me cooking, cleaning, working, playing, singing, dancing, teaching and rocking life without leaning on anymore.

That’s not to say that the ideal couplehood isn’t out there. But I don’t know if that’s what I want right now. I like the sticky situation I’m in with the Two Scorpios, even if the advice I’m getting is “Well, you KNOW there’s nothing that’s going to come out of that.”

So? Who says I want something serious? If it shows its face, I’ll pull up a chair. Until then, I’m up for the ride. And what an enjoyable ride its been.

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16 thoughts on ““Normal”

  1. I don’t know how much I actually believe in “normal” anymore. I think that life is a whole lot more about figuring out what works for you, personally. Just because something works for one person (or couple) doesn’t mean that it will work for you – but I think it’s good to at least have a look at, and think about, all of the options out there. You never know what possibilities are out there that you might not have considered before. 🙂

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  2. Okay, number 1, I’m insulted you didn’t include me in your list of “normal” couples. 😉

    Second… you’ve changed a lot even since I started reading this blog. Being in your situation has clearly made you stronger and more independent. It’s smart to be wary but ignorant to think that being in a relationship will automatically turn you bakc into the person you were before. You are a giving person, and I believe that a relationship that would compliment your personality would be one in which your partner gives you just as much as you give him/her/it. That way, you’re never in emotional debt.

    Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. Good luck! Being single isn’t the end of the world, certainly… I just imagine that things would be easier and smoother for you if you weren’t, so… good luck in singlehood, good luck in love, and good luck in life!

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  3. Normal must be defined by the people involved in the relationship, not the people on the outside looking in.

    Believe me, when I try to put my current relationship into some sort of society-defined “normal”, I get so scared and frustrated. I did the same thing in my last relationship too.

    You’d think I’d figure it out by now that if the ones in the relationship are happy, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

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  4. Oh honey…there’s no such thing as a typical definition of normal as far as I’m concerned. Normal is what best fits into YOUR lifestyle.

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  5. Keep enjoying the ride! We single moms already know that life rarely turns out as we expected, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t reason to celebrate what we have and who we are today.

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  6. You bring up some really good points. I agree that I have been a better version of myself since becoming a single mom. Maybe that’s due to age or my situation or even a bit of both but like you, I gave WAYYYY too much of myself in my relationships – and also lost a lot because of that – something I could and would never do again. I do like living life on my own terms and I’m very happily unattached right now. Seems pretty normal to me!

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  7. Yeah definitely don’t put a label on it. It’s what works. I was the other girl in the open marriage relationship and we went strong for 5 years(and would probably still be going strong) had I not gotten pregnant and moved away. Just realized what I said there but I was just returning the favor albeit years later…

    I too don’t even trust my judgement at this point because I’ve given TOO much in most of my relationships. The only person I would give everything to now is Jayson of course. The other men can just take a number and get in line whenever they arrive anyway 🙂

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  8. There is no normal.

    My parents have been married for nearly 35 yrs. They were married to other ppl before – him for 17 yrs, her for 7 yrs.

    I was married for less than 5 yrs. The Former Mr was/is a terrible husband, but a great co-parent. So, in terms of a parenting relationship, it works.

    I don’t want to be married. I want to be with someone who lives elsewhere the majority of the time. That’s a hard sell, but I honestly cannot live with someone full-time. I need time and space or else the relationship would be doomed.

    Oh, Scorpios and Pisceans…so terribly hawt in the sexual arena, no?!

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    1. I highly recommend a long distrance relationship for you, then – because you get lots of time and space that way. (too much for some of us, but for others, I’m sure it would be just right…). There seems to be a lot of people doing the LDR thing out there… 🙂

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  9. As one of your married Leo friends, I’m honored that you would consider me in a “normal relationship”, but I (and we) don’t believe in “normal”. I realized that when I was child being raised by a single mother and I told my grandmother that I wasn’t normal, “I’m different from everyone”. She corrected me, “No, you’re unique and there’s nothing wrong with that.” And I believe that applies to everyone and their situations. All the people you know and their relationships are unique and its beautiful to see the variety of families and lives.

    And I think it’s easy for you to not see yourself married in the future because you haven’t been in a relationship that has suited you. As you’ve stated, you have given too much of yourself in your past relationships and Elly’s right, if found a man that was equally as given or were in a distance relationship like Mommashine/Bad Mummy said (Borderliner and I enjoy our times apart), then it could work. All I’m saying is that you should leave all your options open and when/if you come to bridge, you can be prepared.

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  10. All I can say as one Pisces to another…

    Scorpios….sigh.

    I just had my first Scorpio fling – but have yet to blog about it…but oh my there was nothing like it. But like you – no way it could be long term. Damn.

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  11. Being with a Scorpio is an exciting experience the are are of the things mentioned above, but a bad habit that’s hard to break but absolutely wonderful at the same time. Men that leave a mark in our lives that are good and sometimes not so good! But again not long term- to bad.

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  12. Our normal is normal!

    I also dont want to get married – really I dont.

    Eventually one day when I am big I would like a guy who is semi-permanent but marriage – nope not happening!

    Clearly Scorpios arent for Aries then?

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