Now that I’ve dipped my feet into the waters of Single Mom Sexuality, I’m hesitant to blog about it. Young Buck has come and gone, though he still sends me texts when he’s drunk and lonely. I blogged about him before I could stop myself, and luckily it didn’t bite me in the ass. I was sopping up the 21-year-old attention like a sponge, but I had enough sense not to let it get out of hand. At the same time, perhaps I should have handled it a little more tactfully.
So I’ve been holding back on the details of my current situation. Now that a good 75% of my friends read my blog, and perhaps 25% of their friends have started reading, I’m getting questioned at lunch, in emails, on Facebook, through the phone: “So, what’s the lowdown on your love life?”
I’m in the middle of two different men (no, not like that you sicko!), yet odly enough, both Scorpios. These men are good guys. Good friends. I trust them. I really like both of them. I’m a fish caught between the claws of seductive, sinful, Scorpion charm, and I’m liking it 99.9% of the time.
However, neither men are serious, long-term possibilities. They are not traditional boyfriend material. They have their own little lives going on, and dating a Single Mom is not going to work for them. They don’t fit into the mold of what a “normal” relationship is.
I’ve been thinking about that word a lot lately. I think about the people I know:
- My mom and dad who officially got divorced last month. Who have been living in separate houses for 4 years now, but who are “still in love” as my mom puts it, they just aren’t financially responsible for each other. After supporting a musician for the last 29 years, she decided that now she can give money “out of love” instead of “obligation. Such a hippie way to look at it.
- My sister and her girlfriend, happy has clams (OH GOD did I just say that) in Alaska. After seeing them together for the first time last Christmas, I found a new respect for couplehood. It can work, it can be inspiring, and it doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman. I have never seen someone compliment my sister’s personality the way her girlfriend does, and its beautiful thing, man.
- My two married Leo friends, both in their first decade of wedded bliss. Filling the roles of traditional couplehood, in a way I didn’t really think was possible anymore. Dedicated, honorable and courageous in the times we live in.
- My gay friend, his fiance and their adopted son. They have created their own little lives far away from the formerly Red State of Colorado. I look back at the person my friend was in high school and how far he’s grown and adapted and emerged as a true human being.
- Scorpio Boy #1is in an open relationship with his girlfriend. She is bisexual, and both have an agreement that its ok for them to be with other people. I couldn’t believe it, but this agreement has worked for 4 years. Now I could be that girl on the side.
So, what is a “normal” relationship? Are any of the above relationships wrong? Is one better than the other? As a Single Mom, I’m already out of the norm. I used to think this meant I was damaged goods, but really, when you look around…is there a majority anymore? Do more people stay together than break up? Can you be a divorced “dating” couple? Can a polygamist relationship really work, and do I want to be that …2nd wife?
Paging Big Love…
I’ve tried envisioning my future in the crystal ball, but I can’t see a clear picture. I don’t see marriage, though many of my friends have bemoaned this statement. Don’t say that! they cry, you’ll find someone! But, do I really want someone? Am I a better person when I’m with someone? History has taught me, no. I give too much of myself and turn into a wet mop. I’ve never been better than I am as a single mom. I like making my own decisions. I like answering to no one but myself. I like that my daughter sees me cooking, cleaning, working, playing, singing, dancing, teaching and rocking life without leaning on anymore.
That’s not to say that the ideal couplehood isn’t out there. But I don’t know if that’s what I want right now. I like the sticky situation I’m in with the Two Scorpios, even if the advice I’m getting is “Well, you KNOW there’s nothing that’s going to come out of that.”
So? Who says I want something serious? If it shows its face, I’ll pull up a chair. Until then, I’m up for the ride. And what an enjoyable ride its been.