single mom

The Unconscious

Last night I was running a bath for LB. I put my hand under the stream of water, testing the temperature like any other mom, and felt my eyelids start to droop. The warm liquid flowed through my fingers, the rushing sounds of comfort echoed against the tile, as if it were hushing me to sleep. My little fishy nature curled up and drifted away on a breeze… Aruba…..Jamaica….Oooh I wanna take yah..

I woke up, my arm flailing to grasp the edge of the bathtub before I face-planted into the water. Motherhood definitely makes up for agility what it lacks in sleep.

We also got a new fish this weekend. I proceeded to have the following dream last night:

I went to feed the fish and found that the whole tank was gone. I panicked and started running around the house to look for it. I looked under my desk and found the tank, except there was no fish. Instead it looked like a terrarium with plants and rocks in it. I figured I’d better get it filled with water and get another fish before LB found out.

I went into the bathroom to get some water for the tank. When I came back, there were spiders, snakes, lizards, and every other imaginable nasty creature POURING out of the tank, crawling into my living room.

  Remember the scene in the end of The Craft? Yeah, the rest of my dream was like that.

In case you never were traumatized by this part of the movie, here it is for your viewing pleasure.

I also have been dreaming about Chivman. Here’s the latest of them:

 I lived in the middle of the New Mexico desert in a huge tower. There wasn’t even a road to it. Cactus not only surrounded the tower, but grew on the walls. For some reason, I couldn’t leave the tower after the sun went down. Chivman was supposed to come get me after dark. I was wearing a nightgown and was barefoot.

As I sat there waiting, the cactus started growing freakishly fast. They broke through the windows, came up through the floorboards, and trapped me in the center of the room. I couldn’t move, but I looked out the window and saw Chivman outside, staring up at me in the tower. I waved to him, but he didn’t respond.  I kept trying to find a way out, so I could go down to him, but I couldn’t move without being stabbed by cactus needles. Chivman just kept starting up at the tower, waiting.

Finally, right as dawn was breaking, he turned and started to walk away. I started screaming his name, but he wouldn’t stop. In desperation,  I broke through the cactus & threw myself out the window. I fell and fell and when I hit the ground, Chivman was gone. I lay there, cactus needles in my skin and blood all over my nightgown, just crying and crying.

I think I’m running myself a little ragged, and my brain is feeling it.


7 thoughts on “The Unconscious”

  1. It sounds like you simply need a rest. Not just sleep, but a rest-from trying to figure out what to do, and how to do it, and what every possible outcome there might be. I hereby grant you permission today to simply BE. And I send you huge, huge hugs, because no matter what, sometimes this is just the way it is.


  2. I almost fell asleep in church last Sunday. (Oops, prayer over!) So I’m with you on the tired thing. There needs to be a single mom resort or something. Of course, if it’s for single moms, it has to be free…


  3. Wow, crazy dream…I totally agree with everyone…I think you need some down time and a little relaxation. I’ll have to see what a cactus means in the dream book =D


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