Thanks for everyone’s extremely thoughtful comments. It was a rough day yesterday, trying to filter everything. My daughter announced the news to everyone in my office and the look on my coworker’s faces ranged from horrified disgust to snide, “Thank God that’s not MY life” expressions. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do more: Puke my guts out or beat the s*** out of something.
I love being the office tabloid.
Shame. Anger. Nausea. Loneliness. They kept building until I stormed out of the office at lunch and ground my stick shift into the floorboards. If I can’t dance my feelings out, I sure as hell can drive until there’s no more road. After 45 minutes of good, hard, pounding music and playing chicken with the tourists, I felt better.
Then I talked to my mom.
She unloaded her thoughts about my moving to Denver. Now, my mother used to read my blog, but she had to stop. It was too graphic for her. There were things on here that she didn’t want to know about her daughter, things that stressed her out. We live 15 minutes away from each other, so our face-to-face interaction is enough stress for her to deal with. She likes having me close, even if she doesn’t want to know about the personal details of my life.
If I moved to Denver, I don’t know if it would be more or less stressful. Distance would mean less intimate knowledge about each others’ lives, but I doubt she would worry any less about me. She brought up good points, guilt trips, supportive/sad statements like “I know that you took a detour when you got pregnant, and you still have your own life to think about…” Which I appreciate, but it didn’t make me feel any more confident.
I worry about my mom. I hope LB & I haven’t become such an important part of her life that she can’t be happy without it. She’s a Cancer. She’s moody. She’s deep. She’s got a dark side and its taken over before. I don’t want that to happen again.
At least the Denver idea is out there now. Baby steps. But they feel like Ginormous baby steps.
The word “baby” is still making me sick. I hope that goes away soon.
On a totally different note…….
Tonight is the last of 3 eclipses during this insane summer. Here’s the astrological follow up from master of her craft, Anne Ortelee:
Think of the changes that have arrived in your life and the lives of folks you know since the eclipse season began June 22, 2009. Whatever happened under the eclipses was designed to move you forward with a new understanding of your life. Own it and love it. That profound realization is important to your future path. – Astrologyhome.com
Here’s whats happened to me since that day:
- New Single Mom Mobile
- HS Sweetheart
- Ironic “moving” predictions
- Eclipse #1
- Ironic “ending” predictions
- Sexual revelations
- Offer to be a Board Member
- Road Trips & Dance Music
- End of Young Buck
- Job applications
- Blondie’s Pregnancy
What have you learned in the last 6 weeks? What do you think the eclipses are trying to tell you?
P.S. If you live on the east coast, the eclipse will happen right around sunset, so the moon will look blood red. Wish I could see that. Should be pretty rad.