A text from Young Buck last night:
So, when are we gonna get together again?
I stared incredulously at my phone. Had I created a monster? I pulled out my keyboard:
Look, I only have every other weekend to myself, and you live across the state now. Logistically, I don’t think our FWB is going to work out. You should probably get yourself a nice little teeny-bopper girlfriend.
He furiously responded with many insulted texts, including “Why won’t you give me a chance?”, “Why can’t we have a long distance relationship?” “Am I not good enough for you?” and “What’s wrong with me?”
This has nothing to do with you. You are a cool guy who will find a cool chick. I would love to continue being friends. Don’t be offended that I don’t want to date you. Its just the choice I’m making.
I felt like a bitch, but oddly, I was ok with it. I’m a Pisces. Obviously, I don’t like making people mad or hurting them, but it felt ridiculously good when it occurred to me…..hey, I can say no! I don’t have to jump on the closest guy just because I’m lonely. Maybe I can tell the different between a situation that is good for me, and a situation that I just let happen cause I didn’t want to ruffle feathers.
I thought back to the day Rooferman proposed to me. It was at a stock car race (yeah, I know…) in front of the entire crowd. On a microphone. On camera. Even if I wanted to, how could I have said no? There was no way that word was coming out of my little fishy mouth, and it was only the beginning of a long, painful series of swallowed words and bitten tongues. During our engagement, I can only remember one time I told Rooferman “no.”
I slept on the floor that night. The next day I picked myself up and moved out.
I know this is your basic life lesson, and it shouldn’t have taken 27 years to figure out, but honestly, I can 100% chalk it up to being a single mom. Single motherhood has officially taught me how to say no.How to draw the line. How to set boundaries and not feel guilty about it.
If the right guy is out there, I’ll know it. I won’t be afraid to say no to the ones that aren’t good for me. I don’t have to say yes to everyone just because I’m scared I’ll never find someone.
It’s like freedom on a stick. Liberation on a cracker. A big sigh of relief slathered in the gravy of self confidence.
And THAT is a beautiful thing.