single mom

Saying “No”

A text from Young Buck last night:

So, when are we gonna get together again?

I stared incredulously at my phone. Had I created a monster? I pulled out my keyboard:

Look, I only have every other weekend to myself, and you live across the state now. Logistically, I don’t think our FWB is going to work out. You should probably get yourself a nice little teeny-bopper girlfriend.

He furiously responded with many insulted texts, including “Why won’t you give me a chance?”, “Why can’t we have a long distance relationship?” “Am I not good enough for you?” and “What’s wrong with me?”

This has nothing to do with you. You are a cool guy who will find a cool chick. I would love to continue being friends. Don’t be offended that I don’t want to date you. Its just the choice I’m making.

I felt like a bitch, but oddly, I was ok with it. I’m a Pisces. Obviously, I don’t like making people mad or hurting them, but it felt ridiculously good when it occurred to me…..hey, I can say no! I don’t have to jump on the closest guy just because I’m lonely. Maybe I can tell the different between a situation that is good for me, and a situation that I just let happen cause I didn’t want to ruffle feathers.

I thought back to the day Rooferman proposed to me. It was at a stock car race (yeah, I know…) in front of the entire crowd. On a microphone. On camera. Even if I wanted to, how could I have said no? There was no way that word was coming out of my little fishy mouth, and it was only the beginning of a long, painful series of swallowed words and bitten tongues. During our engagement, I can only remember one time I told Rooferman “no.”

I slept on the floor that night. The next day I picked myself up and moved out.

I know this is your basic life lesson, and it shouldn’t have taken 27 years to figure out, but honestly, I can 100% chalk it up to being a single mom. Single motherhood has officially taught me how to say no.How to draw the line. How to set boundaries and not feel guilty about it.

If the right guy is out there, I’ll know it. I won’t be afraid to say no to the ones that aren’t good for me. I don’t have to say yes to everyone just because I’m scared I’ll never find someone.

It’s like freedom on a stick. Liberation on a cracker. A big sigh of relief slathered in the gravy of self confidence.

And THAT is a beautiful thing.


17 thoughts on “Saying “No””

  1. Yes! You are amazing! Single motherhood has taught me boundaries, honoring myself and helped me to recognize my own strength. As a passive Pisces, I too used to let people walk over me and stay with people who weren’t good for me. Now I feel confident to say no and to walk away from situations and men that aren’t what I want or good for me.

    I’m gonna go eat some liberation on a cracker, sounds yummy =)


  2. Saying no is liberating! I think especially single moms have a hard time saying it due to the whole guilt thing and having the weight of the world on our shoulders most of them time. But, as we get older and wiser we figure it out. We can’t please everyone or anyone sometimes so we might as well please ourselves!


  3. This is one of my favorite posts of yours, my friend. And it is strue that single-motherhood changes us in powerful and positive ways, if we let it. And those things stay with us even if/wehn we get into a relationship, they stay with us through our jobs and relationships with other people, and I love hearing about this particular triumph!


  4. Yay! I too can not say no but I find these days it’s getting easier. I still feel like crap though. Hopefully I get to where you’re at.


  5. Yes! This is definitely one of my hard learned lessons from being a single mother – I’ve learned the power (and sanity) of no.

    I’m so glad you’re clear on what is and isn’t good for you, and that you’re vocal about it!!


  6. Yay! Single parenthood has lots of lessons and that is definitely one of the most important ones. You don’t have to settle. 🙂


  7. Doesn’t it feel so great to learn how to say no? I’ve never been good at it, but as I get older and “wiser” it comes more naturally!

    Good for you!


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