After weeks of no contact, Young Buck sent me a surprise text. I knew he had been extremely busy adjusting to his new job, a new town and being completely on his own for the first time. Honestly, I didn’t really expect to hear from at all.
Before he left I asked him if he was scared to be alone. He replied in true 21-year-old cowboy fashion. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”
“Its just hard being away from your family in a strange town. I know Iwas scared. Its really ok.”
No way was he going to admit to that, but I was still worried about him. The job he signed up for isn’t the most enjoyable career, but it pays well and has great benefits. When I was 21, a retirement package was about the last thing on my mind, so I have to give him a few maturity points for that.
When I got the “Do you miss me?” text last week, I knew he was starting to feel the pangs of loneliness. The rest of the conversation was pretty low. I tried to cheer him up, but it was obvious he needed some real physical companionship to lift his spirits.
I said no. I don’t know why (other than the logistical fact I didn’t have an empty house), but it felt weird being on the other end of the booty call. I just didn’t feel like it. Maybe I thought my sex drive was limitless and I would never get tired of a hot young stud calling me at all hours of the night. Maybe I’m less shallow than I thought. Maybe I’m more grown up than that. Maybe I’ve just moved on. Maybe I’m just confused.
Young Buck was pretty disappointed and upset, and I felt like a total shit. I could have been there to ease his loneliness (which is exactly what he did for me), but it didn’t feel right. Totally unreasonable if you think back to when the tables were turned. How come I had no problem using him the way I did, but now that he needed something from me, it felt creepy?
I. am. a. hypocrite.
I wish I were really this flawless machine that could roll with the punches. No hesitation. No over-analyzing. Emotionless, tough, untouchable, invincible like Faith in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Yeah, I said Buffy).
I have too many boys on the brain. Chivman. HS Sweetheart. Young Buck. According to Facebook, even Spot is single (now there’s a nice thought!).
On top of all that. my co-worker is currently trying to set me up with a 40-year old grade school teacher. He’s really nice and he doesn’t look or ACT 40, she assures me.
I don’t know if I have the energy for this. The Pisces in me wants to give up on dating and swim away to wallow with all the other lonely fish. Its so fun to wallow, but its also the easy way out.
I’m trying really hard to grow a pair, because dating as a single mom really isn’t for the lacksidasical or the faint hearted.