single mom

The other end of the call

After weeks of no contact, Young Buck sent me a surprise text. I knew he had been extremely busy adjusting to his new job,  a new town and being completely on his own for the first time. Honestly, I didn’t really expect to hear from at all.

Before he left I asked him if he was scared to be alone. He replied in true 21-year-old cowboy fashion. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”

“Its just hard being away from your family in a strange town. I know Iwas scared. Its really ok.”

No way was he going to admit to that, but I was still worried about him. The job he signed up for isn’t the most enjoyable career, but it pays well and has great benefits. When I was 21, a retirement package was about the last thing on my mind, so I have to give him a few maturity points for that.

When I got the “Do you miss me?” text last week, I knew he was starting to feel the pangs of loneliness. The rest of the conversation was pretty low. I tried to cheer him up, but it was obvious he needed some real physical companionship to lift his spirits.

I said no. I don’t know why (other than the logistical fact I didn’t have an empty house), but it felt weird being on the other end of the booty call. I just didn’t feel like it. Maybe I thought my sex drive was limitless and I would never get tired of a hot young stud calling me at all hours of the night. Maybe I’m less shallow than I thought. Maybe I’m more grown up than that. Maybe I’ve just moved on. Maybe I’m just confused.

Why can't I be like Faith?

Young Buck was pretty disappointed and upset, and I felt like a total shit. I could have been there to ease his loneliness (which is exactly what he did for me), but it didn’t feel right. Totally unreasonable if you think back to when the tables were turned. How come I had no problem using him the way I did, but now that he needed something from me, it felt creepy?

I. am. a. hypocrite.

I wish I were really this flawless machine that could roll with the punches.  No hesitation. No over-analyzing. Emotionless, tough, untouchable, invincible like Faith in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Yeah, I said Buffy).

 I have too many boys on the brain. Chivman. HS Sweetheart. Young Buck.  According to Facebook, even Spot is single (now there’s a nice thought!). 

On top of all that. my co-worker is currently trying to set me up with a 40-year old  grade school teacher. He’s really nice and he doesn’t look or ACT 40, she assures me.

I don’t know if I have the energy for this. The Pisces in me wants to give up on dating and swim away to wallow with all the other lonely fish. Its so fun to wallow, but its also the easy way out.

I’m trying really hard to grow a pair, because dating as a single mom really isn’t for the lacksidasical or the faint hearted.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “The other end of the call”

  1. I think you should let yourself feel the way that you are feeling. Don’t feel like a hypocrite, weak or silly, you are just new to this whole dating as a single mom thing and trying to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.

    I’m still the lonely fish hanging out in the corner, but I admire you for getting back out there. To me, that means that you have grown a pair and are getting your mojo and groove back.

    Like

  2. Hey, I think you’re following your gut instinct. Maybe you feel better having moved on from Young Buck and you don’t want to step back again. You are honoring yourself. That would be better than doing ANYTHING out of guilt.

    And yes, dating as a single mom is definitely more of a challenge than dating as a single.

    Like

  3. Maybe you just value yourself more than you valued him. Which isn’t a bad thing. I mean, there was nothign wrong with the situation in any way, but for some reason I think I would feel the same way as you do. If I wanted to use someone for sex, well, that is different a guy wanting to use me for sex. Maybe it is hypocrisy, but I think I would feel the same way. And we are worth so much more than that. Guys are too, but they think differently than we do and are more, um, hardwired for no-strings-attached-sex than we are. So for you to be in control of the situation, it feels different. I am not articulating that well at all so will shut the hell up.

    go for spot.

    Like

  4. I totally disagree that going it alone is taking the easy way out. I think that loneliness and yes, even being horny, is one of those emotional things that come and go. You’re not feeling it right now. What’s the alternative? Having sex because HE wants to? That sounds like a few steps back to me.

    Like

  5. I agree with T- DON’T do anything out of guilt! And I agree with Kori- it IS a bit different now that the tables are turned. I’m just not sure I put my finger on WHY.

    Anyway. I say you should date around while Spot gets over whatever caused him to become single… and then pounce. :0)

    Like

  6. As someone who’s only a year older than Young Buck, all I can say is: he’ll get over it and be fine.

    He’s a guy, he’s 21… he’ll easily find someone else to ease the loneliness.

    Like

  7. Your kast statement said it all. I don’t think being alone is all that easy myself. We all fdefinitely have good days and bad when it comes to being lonely (or horny) but he’ll find somebody. I’m sorry you felt bad but he’ll get over it.

    Like

  8. Don’t even *think* about the 40 yr old. My ex is 11 yrs older than I am, and seemed young, but that really was immaturity. PLUS – ahem – men hit their sexual peak at age 17, so 40 yr old men don’t even remember what a sexual peak is…

    Like

  9. He’s 21. You’re not. He’ll be fine. So will you. You realize that you deserve better. He’ll get out of his funk. No hypocrisy going on at all, IMHO.

    (Sorry, was that too blunt?) 😉

    Like

  10. Oh, and I disagree with Bad Mummy; Steve is 40 and we have mroe sex now than we ever did when we first MET, even. I think it is that 21 year olds just want to fuck as many people as often as they can, and 40 year olds actually care about who and what they are doing.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s