single mom

Skirts

Shopping with my mother:

ME
(emerging from dressing room)
How does this skirt look?
Mother
Its too long.
ME
Mom, its supposed to be long. I don’t ALWAYS wear miniskirts, I promise.
Mother
Well, it just looks too long to me.
ME
Does it look too big or something? like it doesn’t fit?
Mother
No, it just looks too long.
ME
So you’re saying this length of skirt doesn’t look good on me?
Mother
No…it just..
Sister
(entering from stage left)
It looks fine!
ME
(anxiously looking a price tag)
Mom says its too long. Maybe I shouldn’t get it.
Mother
(Stomping off in menopausal fury)
I don’t know why you even ask my opinion. I don’t know about this stuff! I never wear skirts! This is why I dropped out of society, so I don’t have to deal with this girly crap!
ME
(to sister)
Aren’t you glad you live in Alaska?

Lets just say our mother/daughter relationship didn’t consist of many traditionally feminine activities.  I never asked her to french braid my hair because she’d get so frustrated, I would end up with what looked like a soggy, half-eaten loaf of bread on the back of my head. I finally learned to do it myself after my dad taught us how to make macrame bracelets.

Things my mom did teach me:

  • How to drive a stick (because if my boyfriend ever got drunk, I would need to know how to drive myself  home)
  • How to start a campfire.
  • How to find a book at the library (before the Internet *gasp*).
  • Self Defense.
  • How to make a cork-board.
  • How to use power tools & a sewing machine.
  • How to throw the I Ching.
  • How to imagine.
  • How to intimidate.
  • How to gain respect through knowledge.

I love you mom, even if you hate shopping.

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11 thoughts on “Skirts”

  1. Sounds like she taught you some useful stuff. Who needs a french braid anyway? (And I’ll be one of those moms that stomps off while shopping. I have very little patience when shopping.)

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  2. She did show you how to do some pretty important things.

    HA HA! Macrame! That’s a blast from the past! I forgot that I did that once (wait, was that out loud?).

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  3. hhahahaha

    My mom refuses to go shopping with me! She even warns my friends not to go with me ;-p

    But that list is very very cool – more useful than knowing if the skirt is the right length!

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  4. My mother and I have a weird, loving, painful, emotional, supportive kind of relationship. She had me when shewas 17. Now that we are adults, it’s kinda more like a friendship, but every now and then she pulls out the ‘mom’ card…it gets confusing sometimes….but I love her.

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