single mom

3: you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

LB in the grocery store:

(to a complete stranger)

Hi! I getting this cereal. The other one is too expensive, but this one is good.
(mildly amused)
Oh, that’s a good one, huh?
Yes, it IS a good one. I’m putting it in the cart now.
(starting to laugh a little bit)
Okay, you do that.
What’s your name? My name is LB. That’s my mommy. Her name is Hanna.
(waving to me)
(realizing child is still at the end of the cereal aisle, and coming to retrieve her)
Uh, hi.
Come on now, lets hurry and finish shopping so we can go home.
(going to the dark side)
(quickly exiting aisle)
Wow, she certainly is a friendly one, eh?
(attempting to force howling child’s legs into the shopping cart seat)
She sure is…
I want to drive the cart, NOT SIT IN IT!!! AHHHHH!!!

To the man selling wine:

Well hi there, cutie.
You’re old.

To the nice lesbian check-out girl:

He’s a nice boy.

In the bathroom:

(crawling under occupied stall)
I think there’s someone in here, let me see. Hi!

Earlier at daycare, LB stopped as we were walking by one of the other moms. The woman was wearing shorts and LB seemed transfixed on her leg. My child then proceeded to walk up and run her finger up and down this mom’s leg, like she didn’t know what is was or something.

Totally baffled, I said, “What are you doing, stinky?”

The mom said, “Yeah, she did the same thing to me this morning.”

I said, “Uh, maybe she really likes your shorts.”

The mom turned red and said, “No, I think she’s just never seen huge, pasty white legs before.”

“Uh…duh..ah..” I stammered.

My Gemini turns three in a week. Remember what I said at this time last year? I’m starting to think I ain’t seen NUTHIN’ yet.

My mom sent me this text message last night:

Motherhood is about never getting it right. You will always be the mean one. Three is a crucial year. Keep up the good work.

As they said in A Bug’s Life, She’s quite the motivational speaker isn’t she?



17 thoughts on “3: you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

  1. Three is a blast. I loved three. Four was even better. By five you are no longer the center of their universe and they develope the capacity to tell you so. Often. She is cute as a button and you are a great mom.


  2. Haha. LB and Shiloh would get along great. She’s almost three (September) and she loves embarrassing me in grocery stores. Maybe there are good things about having a shy child. I wouldn’t know…


  3. Oh, three…isn’t it loverly? I loved two and four, but three? not so much. In fact, so far I think it might be the only age that I am not thrilled about. Although at least there is still enough cuteness to make it worth it.


  4. My daughter will be three in July, and I am realizing that it is not the terrible twos, it is the terrible threes. Your description of the grocery outing sounds like the ones I have with Bug. I love that message your mom sent you, so true!


  5. I’m seeing little glimpses of what Anna will be like in a couple years! She’s already proving to be a bit of a social butterfly. One of the only words she’s learned so far at 14 months is “Hi”


  6. We were chatting at a party on Sat – 3 was way worse for all of us than 2!

    MMM you possible didnt need to hear that hey!

    She does sound very cute though ;-p


  7. I was laughing so hard reading those I almost cried. From the mouths of babes. Thanks for capturing those little gems for posterity.


  8. Bwhahaha…she’s too funny. I’m laughing out loud…it’s amazing how much she has grown up. Thanks for making my day. Love you both!


  9. I know this age well. We are fully ensconced in age THREE in all its glory. The Mook is either sweetness and light and charm-o-plenty. Or whining and pissed and bratty. There’s no middle ground and the moods change in the blink of an eye.

    Three is def. more work than 2. You just have to outsource the enthusiasm into something useful, like laundry or gardening.

    Oh, and my kid attends a daycare in the bowels of the local mental hospital. You can only imagine the sort of comments she throws out as I escort her to the daycare. ‘Why is he wearing a dress?’; ‘Why is she rocking?’ and – my favorite – ‘Why is Santa angry?’ in response to seeing a SAnta-looking man yelling at passersby.


  10. Today Son said he wanted his Dad to put him to bed because “Mom is annoying.”

    So your mom’s quote kinda made me happy. 🙂


  11. ha! for sure.

    my favorite was boo standing on her seat in the chinese restaurant, pulling her eyes back with her fingers and yelling”look mommy, I’m Chinese.”

    she’s usually so good, but i wanted to crawl under the table!


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