LB in the grocery store:
(to a complete stranger)LB Hi! I getting this cereal. The other one is too expensive, but this one is good. Stranger (mildly amused) Oh, that’s a good one, huh? LB Yes, it IS a good one. I’m putting it in the cart now. Stranger (starting to laugh a little bit) Okay, you do that. LB What’s your name? My name is LB. That’s my mommy. Her name is Hanna. Stranger (waving to me) Oh…Hi. Me (realizing child is still at the end of the cereal aisle, and coming to retrieve her) Uh, hi. Come on now, lets hurry and finish shopping so we can go home. LB (going to the dark side) NOOOOOOO! Stranger (quickly exiting aisle) Wow, she certainly is a friendly one, eh? Me (attempting to force howling child’s legs into the shopping cart seat) She sure is… LB (screaming) I want to drive the cart, NOT SIT IN IT!!! AHHHHH!!!
To the man selling wine:Man Well hi there, cutie. LB You’re old.
To the nice lesbian check-out girl:LB He’s a nice boy.
In the bathroom:LB (crawling under occupied stall) I think there’s someone in here, let me see. Hi!
Earlier at daycare, LB stopped as we were walking by one of the other moms. The woman was wearing shorts and LB seemed transfixed on her leg. My child then proceeded to walk up and run her finger up and down this mom’s leg, like she didn’t know what is was or something.
Totally baffled, I said, “What are you doing, stinky?”
The mom said, “Yeah, she did the same thing to me this morning.”
I said, “Uh, maybe she really likes your shorts.”
The mom turned red and said, “No, I think she’s just never seen huge, pasty white legs before.”
“Uh…duh..ah..” I stammered.
My Gemini turns three in a week. Remember what I said at this time last year? I’m starting to think I ain’t seen NUTHIN’ yet.
My mom sent me this text message last night:
Motherhood is about never getting it right. You will always be the mean one. Three is a crucial year. Keep up the good work.
As they said in A Bug’s Life, She’s quite the motivational speaker isn’t she?