Married vs. Single moms

Dude, the discussion continues! A writer at BabyCenter.com read my Rocky Mountain Moms Blog post, and gave me a sweet shout out. There were a few supportive comments, but I’m still floored on how many moms have bought into the whole “wanting to date after you have a kid makes you a whore” mentality. Most of them are married, obviously. Lucky for them, they HAVE a man at their beck and call for sexual satisfaction.

I have nothing against married moms, but honestly, the holier-than-thou attitude expressed in some of those comments really made my blood boil. What the hell do they know about doing it all on your own? Would they like to trade places with me for a day and see how hard it really is?

Maybe there should be a reality show called “Life Swap” instead of “Wife Swap.”

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12 thoughts on “Married vs. Single moms

  1. Life Swap. Now that’s a good idea.

    You’re right though, it’s hard to know how hard something is, or how you would act in that situation, until you’re faced with it. A good friend of mine was a single mom, back when I was married (she’s married now) and I didn’t have a clue how much work it was. I wish I had done more to support her.

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  2. I actually posted about this – read tomorrows blog 🙂 After all the crap that was said in response to Rachel – basically the same things as you saying here!

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  3. What do they think you’re supposed to do once you become a mom and you’re still single? Become a nun? Remain lonely for the rest of your life? I’m sure they believe single moms are whores anyway putting themselves in that position and don’t deserve happiness.

    I get that a lot from males even. They subtly talk to me like I’m used up and a burden. To top it off they condemn any other guy who would want to date me because “I’m a pregnant chick” and “having someone else’s baby”.

    Why is it such a big deal to those not involved? Seriously?

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  4. None of my close friends have kids and they are always giving me advice about how to raise my daughter and financial issues. All I want from them is to be supportive of us. And a babysitter when I’m in a pinch!

    I’ve had single moms and married moms chatise me about not letting the father into our lives but they don’t know what he was like or understand what my life is like now.

    Ugh, like being a single mom isn’t hard enough!

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  5. My mom and I get into it all the time because she says that she knows what I’m dealing with. She says that my dad didn’t help with raising us or taking care of the house or any of that when we were kids so she was basically a single mom and I’m just looking for a reason to feel sorry for myself. It makes my blood boil! OK, so he didn’t do diapers or midnight feedings…he brought home a paycheck so that she could be a SAHM, he cut the grass every weekend, did all the Mr. Fix-it stuff around the house, etc. Even without any of that, he was a warm body in the house. Someone to split our attention and occasionally have an adult conversation with. She could go to the bathroom without an entourage and generally not have to worry about what we were getting into or where we were wandering off to. If somebody was running a fever in the middle of the night, she could send him to the drug store for Tylenol without having to get us kids dressed and drag us out in the middle of the night. And for all his flaws and faults, they supposedly love each other so she apparently had some companionship. I don’t have that (and apparently I’m not allowed to!)

    I don’t feel sorry for myself. I know that I got myself into this situation and I’m doing the best I can to make the best of it. It just pisses me off when people who have NO CLUE try to judge or tell me how things should be.

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  6. I echo WonderMom. I know that, in the end, it’s just me and my daughters who have to deal with the decisions I’ve made. I share those struggles through blogging because I know some people out there get it, and I hope that others that don’t get it at least try to understand. For the most part, that’s what happens. But unfortunately, there are also those that are more about negativity, judgments, and undermining. I just try not to take those lying down anymore.

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  7. It’s funny how there’s always a double standard.

    It’s natural to assume that a married woman would have needs outside of mothering but it’s offensive to believe that an unmarried woman would BECAUSE she is a mother.

    It’s appalling.

    People assume that Jamie and I are married when we’re out together with James and we always get smiles and nods of approval. I won’t lie, it’s a nice feeling, but I won’t ever forget how it is when I am out with my son alone, or after he was first born.

    People are not shy with their looks, thoughts or opinions. Whether it be in the hospital right after my son was born, while I was pregnant and shopping for baby essentials, or toting a toddler around the grocery store.

    The only good thing that can come out of it is that I know I will always be open minded and tolerant towards all other parents.
    The way other people make you feel about your life is something that always stays with you.
    I hope I can pass that on to the other people I meet in my life.

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  8. Just wanted to thank you for your well-written and thoughtful posts and comments on single moms and sex. I agree with you on so many levels. And I think the idea of a Life Swap is a good one …

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  9. holy cow girl… do I #@$%ing miss you! These days I’m soo crazy busy that something had to give, and unfortunatly blogging and a tidy home were it. But I realize I’m missing something in my life… my single parent blogging buddies!

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