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Whimsical Word Vomit

March 6, 2009

Going to my parenting class is like going to therapy. I don’t know why, but I go into full-on word vomit mode. Things just start pouring out.  At least no one has cried yet.

There’s also free food, which is good in a bad way. Three nights out of the week I don’t have to cook for my offspring, and now that I share a kitchen with the preschool downstairs, I rarely cook anything that doesn’t come out of a can, box or freezer bag. Horrible, I know. I’m a bane to the image of motherhood.

So at my parenting class, where  last night they provided fresh vegetables and slow-cooked pork and rice, topped off with orange cheesecake for desert, I gorged, and NOT in an attractive way. Fortunately for me, all the other po’ folk in the room were cannonballing into the food as well. 

Last night we talked about not giving your child “vague commands” like “Why don’t we pick up those toys?’  “Be Careful” or telling your kid you will do something “in a minute.”

One of the teachers asked us “What does ‘in a minute’ mean to a 2-year-old?”

Blank stares.

“Uh, nothing?” someone finally answered.

Our teacher nodded. Then I proceeded to spew out some patented single mom word vomit.

“That’s why you say it, because a toddler doesn’t know how to tell time yet, and it buys you a few extra minutes to finish whatever you are doing.”

"Siiiim-ba"

"SIIIMM-BA"

Then I realized I  had just confessed to the very crimes we were talking about. I had DEFENDED them, actually. I started to laugh in a psychotic,  high pitched  tone. Thank god for my white trash peers, because they started laughing too.

Ha I wasn’t the only guilty one!

For my confession, I received whimsical wooden kitty art to decorate my new apartment. 

Word.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 6, 2009 12:31 pm

    Oh that’s funny! I do the same thing. I’ll tell Shiloh we have five more minutes before we leave, knowing that she doesn’t know what that means and that I’m not timing it. Twenty minutes later her five minutes are up. Bad bad.

    This also reminds me of an article I read recently. It was talking about how we shouldn’t ask our toddlers to do something and then be upset when they tell us no. Like instead of saying, “Are you ready to put your shoes on?” you should say, “Go put your shoes on, it’s time to go.” It makes sense and it’s helped me. I used to tell Shiloh to do something and then say, “Okay?” like I was asking her permission. Now I don’t ask unless she has the option to say no. It’s hard to think like a two year old.

    Like

  2. March 6, 2009 12:38 pm

    I’m glad you found a place to vent (other than this blog) sometimes just saying it out loud is all we need. I love the new site!! Very Pisces indeed!

    Like

  3. March 6, 2009 1:42 pm

    I’m jealous of your parenting class time.

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  4. QTMama permalink
    March 6, 2009 2:00 pm

    Dude you crack me up. Seriously.

    Like

  5. Shiona permalink
    March 6, 2009 9:00 pm

    I want a parenting class like that too. As it turns out everybody does do it. I remember when it was nice just to know someone else was going through it.

    Like

  6. March 6, 2009 9:45 pm

    I’m jealous of the parenting class too! And yeah, around here, “Five more minutes” can mean anything from 30 seconds to half an hour. Squirt recently found the watch he got for Christmas last year so now I have to be more specific (“When the big hand is on the 3, it’s time to brush teeth.”) which also means that I have to stick by what I say. My babies are growing up… 🙂

    Like

  7. March 7, 2009 9:35 pm

    Oh no I’ve done that when my step kids were little and now that they can tell time..well I have to come up with new and exciting ways to stall for time. Great post, I like your new header too!

    Like

  8. March 7, 2009 11:15 pm

    Um that is why I say it?

    But now that they are learning the time its not working so well!!

    WOW at those classes providing food – NEVER happens here unless you willing to pay huge bucks for it!

    Like

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