Here you go

*Update

Lawyerdue revised the parenting plan to include every other weekend, eventually getting to Saturday night- Tuesday Morning by age 5. He will send it to the dynamic duo this afternoon. Keep fingers crossed.

I know everyone wants to know about Lawyerdude and what’s going on with Rooferman and his puppet master. I have so much going on right now, I can’t blog much, but the whole thing is making me nauseous. Rooferman (well, Blondie) has been sending the parenting plan back to my lawyer, demanding 50/50 custody, and my lawyer keeps trying to get me to compromise. I’m angry because I thought my lawyer is supposed to be on MY side, but I’m scared because he keeps telling me he doesn’t want the Judge to order something I’m really not comfortable with. I don’t know if he’s just trying to get us to agree so he doesn’t have to do more work, or what.

I’m really confused, stressed, angry, scared….you name it. But I’m not compromising further than every other weekend until she’s school age. Then we can come back and have our parenting plan re-evaluated.  I want to puke thinking about tomorrow.

P.S. His parents are coming over tonight. They need to “talk” to me before court. They never EVER do something like this. I’m trying to concentrate on my new job, but I feel like I’m going to implode.

Just trying to keep my sanity right now….

Thanks for for the good lucks.

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17 thoughts on “Here you go

  1. You’re her mother. You have to fight for what you think is best. The judge may rip your heart out, that’s true. But that’s no reason not to try. Good luck tonight.
    Do you still have the same email address?

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  2. Oh, sh*tty on all fronts…I can’t even IMAGINE being in your shoes, and I really want to send you (((hugs)), and give my 2cents even though I have no personal experience here (although I have watched my best friend as well as a co-worker struggle with custody stuff)…

    I think your lawyer IS being crappy trying to get you to compromise, and I think you should stay strong, and take it to the judge…The WORST that can happen (GOD FORBID) is that the judge sides with them and gives them 50/50 custody, right, so I don’t quite get Lawyerdude’s remark about the Judge ordering something you are REALLY not comfortable with, that makes no sense! Seriously, for them, at this point, to get anything more than 50/50 custody they are asking for, they would have to prove that you are incompetent or harming your daughter, which you are not, and so they have no case. And besides, you guys were never married, he has NOT kept current supporting your daughter, he wasn’t even around for awhile…I just REALLY think the chips are stacked in your favor and you would be selling you both short if you compromised at this point.
    I know you are in a different state than me, and my state is notorious for siding with mom’s in custody cases, but still, I think you have a winning hand here…

    So, I really, really hope you stay strong and don’t compromise, but take it to the judge…I am sending you much strength and support and P&PT and I hope all goes as well as can be expected…

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  3. Be strong. You would like to think that your lawyer has your best interests at heart, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately I’m finding out that’s not necessarily the case. My lawyer convinced me to compromise on some things that I’m now finding out I would have almost certainly won had we gone to court. And it’s been an expensive lesson…he persuaded me to walk away from 7 months of back child support (about $4000) and to let Ex claim one of the kids on his income taxes. Turns out, that one is costing me $2400 this year alone. He also convinced me to agree to less child support than what the court would have awarded because according to him “you don’t have the money to fight this.” The other lawyers that I’ve talked to now have told me that the advice he’s given me over the last year has been horrible but there’s nothing I can do now because I signed that stupid agreement in the mediation.

    I have very little faith that a judge will make the right decisions in the best interests of the children, but I’m really wishing I had stood my ground and taken my chances.

    I’m sending all the positive vibes I’ve got your way. I wish there was more I could do to help.

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  4. I am so sorry. But DO NOT compromise just because it’s the easy thing. If the judge decides 50/50 is the right thing, well that still stinks but I say fight. He wasn’t there, at all, for so long, you cannot be expected to just start sharing 50/50. It’s not as if he’s been there all along, paid his child support regularly, seen her regularyly (before now), acted like a responsible person. No “reasonable” person would expect you to just hand over your child 50/50 to that situation.

    It may be the lawyers job to try and work things out with the least amount of strife and time but it’s your job to do what’s right for your child.

    I cannot even image how much this sucks right now. But I’m in your corner, telling you get back in there and fight. This isn’t over until the bell rings or the judge bangs his gavel! ***theme from Rocky playing!!***

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  5. WOW.
    my tummy’s all knotted up for you. stick to your guns. keep breathing. i know how terribly nerve wracking court can be. my prayers are on your side.

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  6. I agree with Elisabeth and several others that have said the same thing. Don’t compromise. Let the judge decide. At least there won’t be any “what ifs” that way.

    I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Stay strong.

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  7. Definitely try not to compromise too much. Sometimes the lawyers have your best interests at heart but there are too many times when they actually don’t. Follow your gut feeling and like others said you should definitely try to get what you want. Good luck with everything.

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  8. I am generally a lurker and not a commenter, but I have to put my 2 cents into this. I agree 100% completely with Elisabeth, WonderMom and JustMe. You do NOT settle. You go for what you think is right and for what YOU believe in. It’s not about what he and blondie want, after all, LB is not their child. She is yours.

    Rooferman has no right what-so-ever to dictate anything that goes on in LB’s life. He has no right to even be called daddy. He hasn’t been there and has shown no interest in LB until recently. Therefore, he shouldn’t be entitled to anything and should feel lucky that you are even giving him the time of day. Hell, he didn’t even pay child support like he was supposed to, meaning he could have cared less about her well being and whether or not she had every thing that she needed.

    You tell lawyer-dude that you will not give into this. 99% of the time, the judge is going to be in favor with the mother and can see right through Rooferman’s bullshit. So if it has to go that far, then take it there. Make sure you have ALL of your arguments ready. Its not fair that you should hand your child over to people who until recently could care less about her. Take all of your e-mails, texts, voice-mails if you have them and use your blog to make a time line of EVERYTHING that has happened. I’m sure you are aware but document everything. It’s also a beneficial to you that you have tried to settle but they keep refusing. Not to mention, blondie is not his wife and has no say-so in the whole thing anyway.

    Don’t give in without a fight. Don’t let this stress you out, because by doing that, you are letting them win. I am standing behind you 100%, so are the rest of the ladies who follow your blog religiously. If I have to fly to CO and sit through your hearings, I will. You stay strong and fight for your daughter and what you believe in. We got your back.

    –Until recently, I myself was a single mother. My daughter is 5 and by some miracle, I was blessed with a wonderful husband. My child’s father has nothing to do with her. It pisses me off so bad that he even has “proud parent” listed on his myspace profile (even though he has no pictures…like no one can see through that). He has seen her 2 times in the past 3 years. I DARE him to even pull some shit like this. I would like to see. him. try. I feel your pain through this and now I want to kick some ass. Remember, you are doing an awesome job and we are rooting for you. Keep up the good work!

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  9. I concur with what everyone has said above. Fight, do not compromise with 50/50. I think the updated Sat-Tuesday morning is a fabulous compromise and if the dynamic duo don’t take it, then forget the compromising and go to court. I’ll be thinking about you and LB and cheering you on!

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  10. I have much to say but not here, and I don’t have your email address; I sent one ot the one I had and it got bounced back. the paranoid nuthead part of me is all like “man, she is totally avoiding me!” but then I remember that you like me so all is good. Sending up great big thoughts for a peaceful resolution.

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  11. Lawyerdude’s job is to draw the line where you tell him to draw it. If he’s spending your money trying to get you to do something he knows you’re not willing to do… I mean he should make sure you know what is likey to happen when you put your foot down where you choose to, but that’s it. Don’t let him pressure you into something you know in your gut won’t work. You have more than done what you can and I think you’re being more than generous to even pick an age at which things will change since no one can predict what will happen between now and then.

    Hang in there and good luck!!

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  12. My thoughts are with you! I will totally be focused on you tomorrow. Obviously Rooferman and Blondie think they are a dynamic duo….but I think we can all assume it won’t last. He has been a loser lately…. since he is trying to not step up to the plate for his daughter….
    xoxoxoxooxoxox always!

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  13. *sending good vibes your way*

    It must be so overwhelming to balance all these things out but you can do this one minute at a time and one step at a time.

    I think the update you have put up is a really fair deal (and more than he deserves or would have pursued without Blondie being all over his ass). I agree with the others who have said it — do not compromise more than YOU are comfortable with. YOU are the client, YOU set the rules. Hopefully they will take this this deal and thank their lucky stars and LIVE up to it. It’s one thing to demand all this stuff and it’s another thing to actually do it CONSISTENTLY.

    Just take care of yourself.

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  14. I firmly believe that YOU know what is best your YOUR daughter. Stand your ground, be fair, be firm, appear compromising (which you have been more than clear with) but abouve all, stay strong with what YOU feel is in the best interest of your littleone.

    BIG BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Keep us posted!

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  15. I guess my question to the parents/court/lawyer would be…what are the motivations of Blondie/Rooferman? Why now? What is going on? And to his family too…

    good luck, the discomfort will pass, just try as best as you can to stay firmly in the now…not the future…

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