colorado, court, custody, deadbeat dad, single mom, winter

His Puppet Master

We didn’t go to court today. Since the recusal was granted, all further contact with our previous judge was canceled. Now we have to wait for February. We got hit with another helluva blizzard today and my phone was ringing off the hook with parents wondering if we were gonna let school out early. We also got a few angry parents calling because all buses going to out-of-town sports events were canceled.

“Its probably not even snowing in Grand Junction!” one mom screamed at me. “Do you know how frustrating this is?”

Um hello? You really want a bus driving your kids through a blizzard at 11,000 ft on THIS road?

Yeah, me neither. That mom was WAY more hardcore than me.

I called Rooferman and asked if he could drive LB home from visitation tonight, but he told me he didn’t have enough gas. I was pretty much expecting the following scene to occur by the time I went to pick her up.

Me: So, I’ll see you tomorrow at Mediation?

Him: No. I can’t afford it.

Me: Well that’s ok, we’ve got plenty of time before our next court date. When you’ve got the money together we’ll schedule another one.

Him: Nope. It costs way too much. Its bulls***

Me: I think it could really help us. I think its best for LB.

Him: I don’t need someone there to supervise our conversation.

Me: We can’t even talk without fighting. I’ve tried to do this many times.

Him: Well lets talk about it now!

*Note, I’m standing in their doorway, my car running, the blizzard simultaneously icing the roads, LB with her coat half on. Blondie is sitting behind Rooferman, massaging his shoulders. Her kids enter the room to see what’s going on. Blondie screams at them to get out.

Blondie: He’s sitting right here.

No s*** sherlock.

Me: I’m not having this conversation right now. Call me if you would like to meet with me and discuss this mediation thing.

Him: Ok fine.

I slam the door and leave. Rooferman follows me outside and dials his cell phone as soon as I get in my car. I answer.

Him: Ok lets talk.

Me: The roads a really icy, I will call you when I get home.

Him: Lets be adults about this, think about it (hangs up on me).

Me: (calling him back) I’m-

Him: Don’t be calling back just to get the last word in, lets be adults (hangs up on me again).

Unfortunately for him, he didn’t hear me saying that hanging up on me does not constitute “adult” behavior and I will not be calling him back . I shut off my phone and drove home to put my hungry, thirsty, diapered 2-year-old to bed.

Its official. I’ve used toddler Love & Logic tactics on my ex, and I actually feel good now! He didn’t get me mad. He didn’t make me cry. He just acted like a child and I treated him like one.

I hope he and his puppet master are very happy together.


17 thoughts on “His Puppet Master”

  1. Brilliant!!!!

    Last night I walked away from my ex as soon as he started being ugly, leaving him with two restless boys and a 4 hour delay on their flight back to his house. It felt amazing.

    (I was going to stick around the airport after dropping them off to help entertain them but when he got ugly, I left. No fights, no tears, no screaming. Just sadness for my kids being stuck there with him.)


  2. There’s a book I heard of called something like “Using Toddler Training Techniques on Men” (or was it dog training techniques?). Anyway, I use them on my DH/STBX frequently. I have to say that they seem to work better on my kids, but sometimes it works for their father as well. Use what works!



  3. I wouldn’t want to drive on the road even if it wasn’t icy!

    I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to mediation, I really hope for some kind of resolution for you. The waiting is the hardest part. I use toddler techniques on my ex too and it seems to work. My favorite is “You seem really upset about that.” Usually leaves him with a ‘huh?’ face. When someone in a conversation says “lets be adults about this” usually they are the ones who aren’t acting like one.


  4. My therapist told me kind of the same thing – except to think of X as emotionally disabled. Which he is. It does help a lot when you stop expecting rational behavior!


  5. Good for you! It will probably work really good on him. And if I am ever in the area, would you mind if I came over and took Blondie off your hands for a decade or so? Seriously, the woman makes my skin crawl.


  6. LOL, that’s what I call my ex husband’s wife; The Puppet Master. Well, one of the things I call her anyway. Right now she has a man that has never been proactive or initiated a thing in the 18 years I’ve known him, suddenly filing a motion for full custody of my 17, 14, & 10 year-old kids. Like after 17 years of parenting pretty much without him he decides he can do it better. “for their best interests” Right.


  7. Mmm, I love that road, especially during fall season. Of course, I never drive it, Grady does, haha! I’m sorry Jed is forever stuck in the mind of a five year old. Your Wii Fit came in by the way. ;D


  8. I totally agree with Jiji, are ya kiddin me? Well at least he’s shooting himself in the foot. And yeah, Red Mountain in a blizzard on the way to a sporting event sucks! See ya soon, love ya!


  9. So, here’s the deal. My last day was today, and although things have been insane the last few days, I have been thinking about you constantly. I finally got a chance to read up and get the update, and I wanted to tell you that you are AMAZING and you should be proud of yourself. You are a great mom, you are a strong woman, and your tool of an ex should be crawling on his hands and knees to make you happy– whatever it takes. You deserve the world, sweet girl, and I know you will have it one day. As for this current crisis of the puppets… put it in a bubble and let it go. You know exactly what will happen when you bring this to court, whenever that winds up being. You have the documentation. Stay positive, stay on the high road, and good things will come to you. I’ll be checking in on you from Denver, and I am thinking of you. Lots of love, darling.


  10. Ugh. His whole situation makes me sick for you and LB. Dealing with my ex is enough… dealing with a blonde female version of him at the same time would be unbearable.

    I will admit that I hang up on the ex pretty much every time we talk. But I try and try to nicely end the conversation as he continues with the off-the-wall verbal lashings or totally bat-shit crazy accusations. Fun fun.


  11. The let’s be adults comment always cracks me up when I get it.

    Because he’s such an adult.

    Are you sure Rooferman and my ex didn’t come from the same mama?

    I don’t have money for mediation ie: “I’d rather be selfish and continue to ruin your life”.

    Betcha he has money for other things.

    My ex is on best behavior under his great white shark mama’s orders since our evaluation is coming up. Won’t last.

    He actually asked me for $5 for cigarettes last night. Bit my tongue from saying use all the child support money I haven’t seen since I kicked you out in May.

    Hang in there mama. Hope you have a peaceful Christmas.


  12. Okay. I will definitely use these tactics in the future. That whole last word thing was a constant in my former relationship. I remember when my ex locked me out of the house in the 100+ Vegas heat when I was 8 months pregnant because he thought I was trying to get the last word.

    Good job! 🙂


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