court, custody, single mom, sleep, snow gods, winter

Mediation or Therapy?

They cancelled school today because of the 3 feet of snow we were handed overnight. As I heard my cell phone go off at 5 am, I knew it was my boss going down the chain of school district command, notifying her employees of the snow day. Then my other boss called at 5:30 am. Then I received the “official cancellation” message from the Public Information Office.

I rolled over and snuggled into the warmth of my blankets. LB had thrown a little sleepover party in my bed at about 3 am, so I was really not looking forward to getting up. Remember Bobby McFerrin? Simple Pleasures are the best.

I know everyone wants to know how Mediation went. So here goes.

It was intense.

 It was good.

It was only the beginning.

This Mediator isn’t a typical court-ordered “Dispute Resolution” Mediator. He’s a family counselor with legal expertise. He’s been teaching parenting classes for 14+ years and is smart and kind. He’s also able to see right through Rooferman’s BS, I might add.

Rooferman is very adept at making a good show; flashing the pearly whites, professing “I just want to see my daughter” and “I’m doing everything in my power to be a good dad.” He’s usually a pro at buddying up to other guys, but it didn’t work last night.

Mediator Man told him straight up that young children automatically bond to their mothers as their primary caretakers, and if there is no mother to fill that role, they find what they need in their fathers.

Rooferman immediately started preaching the Joint-Custody-What’s-Right-And-Fair-To-Me Shakespearean monologue, to which I countered, “I understand that joint custody is ideal in situations where the parents get along. We can’t even have a conversation with each other, how are we supposed to share custody?”

“Good point,” said Mediator Man. I wanted to cheer.

The dude went on to explain to Rooferman that LB is going to suffer the consequences of his hostility towards me. At one point, he asked Rooferman why he hadn’t continued going to Love & Logic classes. My ex glared and pointed at me.

 “I would love to go back and take the class, but when she’s not in the same room.”

Yeah. I learned a lot about the depth of hatred Rooferman (and Blondie probably) has for me. He told the Mediator that he had “as much access to his daughter as he wanted” before he started dating Blondie. Then after that, I started limiting his contact because “I didn’t like him dating her.”

I of course clarified that Rooferman HAD no contact with LB before he started dating Blondie. He saw her maybe 5-7 times in the 9 months between me moving out and him telling me it was over.  Only when he started dating her did he show interest in regular, frequent contact with our daughter. At that point it had been so long since LB had seen her dad, I wanted to start off with supervised visitation at his parent’s house and work our way up to a normal visitation schedule. I did NOT want our daughter immediately staying overnight at someones house who I had never met.

I also learned a few things about the custody situation with Blondie’s kids. Apparently both daughters have the same dad, but only one daughter has contact with him. THAT confused the hell out of me.

Rooferman also calls their dad a “prick” who fills his daughter’s head with lies when she goes back to his house on the weekends. I wanted to scream “YOU MORON! How would YOU feel if LB was calling someone else “daddy” and he was just playing along with it. Don’t you see how DAMAGING you are to this poor little girl? How angry and confused she must be? Let alone how her REAL dad must be feeling?”

Remember my bubble philosophy? He really is living in one.

Mediator Man asked when our court date was. He then proceeded to give Rooferman a severe tongue lashing on how irresponsible it was for him to wait until the last minute for him to “magically” resolve our issues and make a parenting plan.

“I’m not that good. I don’t even want to know about the issues between you two,” he said. “But I want to help you.”

So we’re going back again this Friday.

Maybe there’s hope? Maybe he can get Rooferman to listen? Maybe we can actually get along one day?

Either way, I needed this day off.

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15 thoughts on “Mediation or Therapy?”

  1. Mediation is hell. Your mediator man sounds like a great person who is really good at his job. Our lady was such a bitch! She was talking out of 2 sides of her mouth. Here in Texas we don’t have to be in the same room with each other which in my circumstance I was thanking my lucky stars. I hope it all does get resolved, no matter how that ends up happening. I hope you have enjoyed your day off!! Good luck on Friday!!

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  2. Wow, your mediator sounds great! Mine was a complete idiot and DID NOT have my kids best interests in mind at all. It was like a boys club when we went. Lucky you!

    Hang in there.

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  3. X and I actually had a cordial conversation this weekend, but I think you need to lower your expectations from “getting along” to “not fighting every time we see each other” 🙂
    It sounds like your mediator is a good guy. But I’m sorry YOU had to be in the same room as the Rooferman!

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  4. I’m so happy that you got a halfway smart mediator. Yay that he sees right through RM!

    And wow, 3 feet of snow! I’m jealous. We’ll be lucky if we see a few inches this winter. I just want one good snow day where can’t go to work. Hope you enjoyed your day off. 🙂

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  5. Wow is all I can say. I’m glad that you guys went though. I’m glad the mediator can see through Rooferman’s BS.

    Oh and flippin’ snow! Actually, it’s nice to have, but had been horrible to get around in. (As you know.) I almost got hit on my way to work by an idiot talking on his cell phone and, not only that, he hadn’t cleaned the snow off his car except for a small hole in the windshield so he could see out. He ran a stop sign.

    Anyways, hope you and LB had a fun day at home. Love you both!!

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  6. That is great to hear about the mediator. Hopefully someday you can get along…He really does live in a bubble huh? I find sometimes if you lower your expectations then you won’t be disappointed.

    Wow that sounds like too much snow. I was pretty excited about the snow here though.

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  7. Yay for snow days! And for recovery days!

    I slept in until I heard the bus honking this morning. Great – that only made me an hour late for work!

    Just being able to see through Roofers BS is half your battle. And who wouldn’t be apprehensive letting their child spend the night in a place you don’t know – hello that is called parenting. Something one of you is familiar with. It’s amazing isn’t it, the way they justify their actions without seeing their justifications are laughable.

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  8. Oh I wish we had snow days here *sigh*

    The mediation actually sounds good!!! Who knows it may really be positive!!

    Hope the day is/was good 🙂

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  9. Three feet of snow? Sounds fun especially if it gave you a day off — and you needed some downtime.

    Rooferman does live in a bubble and I don’t understand how anyone else in his life hasn’t sat down with him to really keep it real with him regarding LB.

    I’m glad he is going to have another man to tell him EXACTLY how it is. This mediator sounds like he is an advocate of common sense.

    …and how IRONIC of RM to even talk about Blondie’s kids’ father when he has his own shit to take care of in that realm of his life.

    …and why is he so hostile towards you?

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  10. I want to kiss mediator man. Is he single?
    3 feet of snow? I don’t know which is worse, that or our -18 degrees yesterday. And just think, it was like 60 last weekend. YAY Colorado.

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  11. That mediator is AWESOME! Sounds to me like he was totally on the side of LB and was looking for HER best interests…YAY MEDIATOR MAN!!!!

    ….and YAY for snow day!!!! I need one of those, we just got a couple of inches, nothing to stop the steady flow of traffic….

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  12. I used to LOVE it when people saw right through my ex’s shenanigans! The guardian ad litem appointed to our custody case never bought his BS…

    Glad the mediator is so good!!!

    Hope you enjoyed the snow day!

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