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Weird

December 10, 2008

There were only 6 people at the Love & Logic class this week. Rooferman also called me twice during the class, so I was distracted and unfocused after that. He’s offered to drive LB home twice now, last night and Sunday night. Its weird.

He blantantly refused to drive LB home on Thanksgiving after I asked. Even when he and Blondie are out to dinner, or when they are at her dad’s house (which is right by my apartment) he still wants me to pick her up. But recently, he’s offered twice, saying “Oh, I’m going to be in that area anyway.”

Both times he’s been late, of course. I asked him if he was working on a job out by my house, but he ignored me. Maybe he only wants to drive LB  home when its convenient for him. Maybe he’s crashing at his dad’s house. Maybe he’s on drugs. Maybe he’s homeless. Maybe Blondie doesn’t want me coming to her house anymore. Maybe she kicked him out. Maybe….

With all these thoughts running through my suspicious mind, I really didn’t absorb a whole lot during class. I talked about  holding the door shut while my daughter threw a fit and they all praised and laughed at me. Most of the Love & Logic folks who I tell about these issues ask “Well, has she done it again?”

The answer is no, but its only been a week. Plus, part of me wonders should that really be the point of parenting? Getting your child to do what you want as fast a possible? I know its more than that, but part of me wonders if I’m killing some of that love instead of fostering it.

The teacher told me I should give my daughter more credit. She knows I love her, and as cruel as it may seem, locking her in her room did prove a point. If you remember, my 2-year-old LIED to me, screaming “I have to go potty!” because I’ve been so damn obsessive about getting her to use the potty, she KNEW it would get me to open the door. She even took it to the next level by pretending she already HAD made a mess in her pants. Believe me, I was 3 seconds from opening that door. If I had done that, she would have won, and continued using this manipulative tactic against me, because hey, it works like a charm!

I know she’s only 2, and this sounds ridiculously dramatic, but its true. LB has me around her little finger. We know each other SO well that its scary. I was really second-guessing her ability to wield so much power against her mommy. My child is smart, resilient and capable of so much more than I give her credit for.

They also told me that our kids are twice as smart as we think they are. Well, that’s definitely been proven to me since starting this class.

I mentioned the whole “this theory really only works in ideal family situations” to my teachers. They both said “Well you know your child better than anyone (obviously NOT as well as I think!) and you can make exceptions based on needs versus wants.

I said, “Well, what if I can’t tell if its a need versus a want? What if she’s getting up every night because she’s lonely and she needsto be with her mom?Kids from 2-parent families don’t have to share their time the way kids from single parent families do, so maybe their needs are different. Am I making a gross generalization?”

They said “Only you can make that decision. Just remember kids are tougher than you think.”

Words from the Love & Logic Oracle. Next week is our last class, so I’ll have to make a final evaluation then.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. December 10, 2008 1:57 pm

    I think I’ve made the decision that I don’t like Love & Logic at all. 🙂

    But I sure am curious about Rooferman, too.

    And I liked your post yesterday–reading it, it not only resonated with me and what’s going on with *my* life, but Son, too. Which freaked me out a little. Why didn’t I post this comment on that post yesterday. I guess I made the DECISION not to. lol.

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  2. December 10, 2008 2:50 pm

    AS you well know, I don’t agree with the calss, so this somment is basically agreeing with SWM up there, LOL. but if it works for you, well, who are we to say? I am also curious about Rooferman, though…

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  3. December 10, 2008 3:17 pm

    Use what works for you, and if something doesn’t? Leave it.
    Can’t help wondering about Rooferman, either.

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  4. December 10, 2008 3:26 pm

    Well as we say, “take what you need and leave the rest” seems to work for many many things indeed.

    just take care of yourself.
    G~*

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  5. December 10, 2008 3:54 pm

    I know what you mean about them being smarter than we realize. Shiloh surprises me sometimes with the things she comes up with. Scary.

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  6. QTMama permalink
    December 10, 2008 8:17 pm

    Hmm … for me, I liked and disliked some things about Love & Logic. And for me, what I liked I used. What I didn’t like, I didn’t use. I did use the UT OH’s instead of time outs. I did give her choices. I did put her in her room and told her to have an all out tantrum, kick the wall, do what she needed to do; and to let me know when she was done. *grinning at the memory*

    And what I didn’t like? I left there, never used it. It’s up to you really. 🙂

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  7. December 10, 2008 9:07 pm

    Just take from the class what does work for you and leave the rest behind…but you already know that…

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  8. laurakim123 permalink
    December 10, 2008 11:36 pm

    mmm this love and logic class has had moments but the name has actually intrigued me!

    There is nothing locigal about love and even less logic in the life of a child – so to try merge the too is near impossible I think anyway!!!

    But no harm was done I suppose and I am sure you did learn some stuff!!

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  9. December 11, 2008 10:27 am

    I have been thinking about Rooferman now for a while, and I am dying to know what’s going on. Wonder if he’s just trying to earn some brownie points for being an equal partner (laughable) before you go back to the judge? Because if his offering to drive his daughter around is anything remotely sinister, i.e. drugs, homelessness, breakup with Blondie, whatever, then I am concerned. Does LB say anything when she comes home?

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  10. December 11, 2008 11:53 am

    Having 4 daughters myself I do know that they learn to manipulate early and use that skill as often as they can. They don’t get too far with me but it works with their dad all the time. As for Rooferman, I’m sure he’s got an agenda with the sudden change in demeanor. Be wary.

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  11. Shiona permalink
    December 11, 2008 4:00 pm

    Yes I think this is an intersting class. I guess I better do my research though.

    Like

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