There were only 6 people at the Love & Logic class this week. Rooferman also called me twice during the class, so I was distracted and unfocused after that. He’s offered to drive LB home twice now, last night and Sunday night. Its weird.
He blantantly refused to drive LB home on Thanksgiving after I asked. Even when he and Blondie are out to dinner, or when they are at her dad’s house (which is right by my apartment) he still wants me to pick her up. But recently, he’s offered twice, saying “Oh, I’m going to be in that area anyway.”
Both times he’s been late, of course. I asked him if he was working on a job out by my house, but he ignored me. Maybe he only wants to drive LB home when its convenient for him. Maybe he’s crashing at his dad’s house. Maybe he’s on drugs. Maybe he’s homeless. Maybe Blondie doesn’t want me coming to her house anymore. Maybe she kicked him out. Maybe….
With all these thoughts running through my suspicious mind, I really didn’t absorb a whole lot during class. I talked about holding the door shut while my daughter threw a fit and they all praised and laughed at me. Most of the Love & Logic folks who I tell about these issues ask “Well, has she done it again?”
The answer is no, but its only been a week. Plus, part of me wonders should that really be the point of parenting? Getting your child to do what you want as fast a possible? I know its more than that, but part of me wonders if I’m killing some of that love instead of fostering it.
The teacher told me I should give my daughter more credit. She knows I love her, and as cruel as it may seem, locking her in her room did prove a point. If you remember, my 2-year-old LIED to me, screaming “I have to go potty!” because I’ve been so damn obsessive about getting her to use the potty, she KNEW it would get me to open the door. She even took it to the next level by pretending she already HAD made a mess in her pants. Believe me, I was 3 seconds from opening that door. If I had done that, she would have won, and continued using this manipulative tactic against me, because hey, it works like a charm!
I know she’s only 2, and this sounds ridiculously dramatic, but its true. LB has me around her little finger. We know each other SO well that its scary. I was really second-guessing her ability to wield so much power against her mommy. My child is smart, resilient and capable of so much more than I give her credit for.
They also told me that our kids are twice as smart as we think they are. Well, that’s definitely been proven to me since starting this class.
I mentioned the whole “this theory really only works in ideal family situations” to my teachers. They both said “Well you know your child better than anyone (obviously NOT as well as I think!) and you can make exceptions based on needs versus wants.
I said, “Well, what if I can’t tell if its a need versus a want? What if she’s getting up every night because she’s lonely and she needsto be with her mom?Kids from 2-parent families don’t have to share their time the way kids from single parent families do, so maybe their needs are different. Am I making a gross generalization?”
They said “Only you can make that decision. Just remember kids are tougher than you think.”
Words from the Love & Logic Oracle. Next week is our last class, so I’ll have to make a final evaluation then.