custody, gemini, LB, single mom


Rooferman tried to weasel me out of more time last night. He called 30 minutes before I was to pick up LB, saying they were at a restaurant and they just barely got their food, so it would be really nice if we could keep her a little longer.  Just barely? It was 7:00 pm. I could see another long night ahead of me.

The Assclown was making me into the mean mommy again, stealing the poor child away from the good daddy. I would swoop in like a vulture and pry the food out of our cherub’s mouth, dragging her away to the dungeon of single mommyhood. 

I could fabricate every vindictive idea in my mind as to why he waited till the END of his visitation to take his family out to dinner, but I’m making an honest attempt to erradicate my life of anger and spitefulness. I’m trying NOT to buy into the war fantasy I’ve so adeptly inserted into my subconscious.

I didn’t give him a yes or no answer. I told him I would call him when I was on my way to the restaurant, and he could meet me outside. I let myself watch an extra 10 minutes of the Jets/Patriots game and headed into town. 5 minutes later, I was waiting outside of Appplebee’s. LB emerged with the whole family, her face smeared in chocolate.

Blondie’s offspring ran right up to me and shouted gleefully, “LB ate LOTS of ice cream!”

Great. No sleep for me tonight.

I handed Rooferman the schedule for the Love & Logic parenting class we are required to take next week. Its actually a 5-week session, but I doubt he will keep showing up. He told me he had to go back to court next week, so his schedule was a little tight. I told him I would see him next Tuesday. I received the look of death from Blondie (oh right, its parent/teacher conference night…*snicker).

LB replayed her Tuesday routine, walking her feet up the wall as I tried to tuck her in. She asked met to sing her a lullaby, and proceeded to drown me out, singing the same lyrics at maximum volume. I finally sat down at 10:00 pm to update my Netflix queue. Behind me, I could hear the feetsie pajamas shuffling up to my chair. LB, wide-eyed and bushy tailed grinned at me.

“Mommy Hanna you get on compoodor? Mommy Hanna you come back? Mommy Hanna you take shower? Mommy Hanna you go nite nite?”

Nothing quite so picturesque as a 2.5-year-old Gemini hopped up on sugar at 10:00 pm with the full moon blaring down on her her rug-rat hair.

And for some reason, It didn’t bother me last night. There was no mommy meltdown. Even as she crawled into bed with me at 4 am. Even as her tiny fist slugged me in the eye around dawn. My heart stayed at a exhausted, yet steady pace.


13 thoughts on “Steady”

  1. It will get easier, for both of you.
    He’ll still play stupid, manipulative games, but you’ll get better at dealing with them. My ex pulls the same stunts and if I show that it irritates me it just feeds his desire to do it again and again.

    You will never be the mean Mommy to LB, you’ll be the fairy princess who rescues her from chaos and returns her to normalcy 🙂


  2. I just giggled a bit at the “slugging in you in the eye” part. Son did a similiar thing to me the other night. I was trying to put him down, and he would NOT GO. I kept falling asleep, and I’d wake to him cupping my face in his hands, his face inches from mine, looking directly into my now-open eyes repeating “Mommy, whatchoo doing? Whatchoo doing mommy?”

    I think remaining steady is a great thing to do. I’ve been trying it myself, with not a super high success rate, but when I do succeed it feels all that much better. If I get all worked up, Son gets all worked up. I mean, I even see it when SD and I argue (and Son’s not involved at all, other than to bare witness). Son starts trying to yell over us–just singing a song or whatever.

    Good luck, hon. I’m thinking of ya.


  3. I just have to say again that I’m proud of you for keeping on an even keel. If he’s anything like mine (and it sounds like they’re cut from the same cloth!), if you don’t let him know that it bothers you, he’ll keep stepping up the antics for a while trying to push those old buttons but eventually he’ll get bored with it and move on to something more interesting. Of course, I rarely manage to keep my cool very long in the face of these games. Hang in there. I don’t know about where you are but here, the court provided us with a template for the parenting plan and one of the things it had in there was no sugar after whatever time. It was crazy specific about the stupidest little things but I guess some people (like our exes!) need that kind of detail since they have no common sense. Big hugs to you and LB!


  4. Wondermom- WOW! I can put that in my parenting plan? I guess I’ll just add it to the list of “Must have carseat in backseat” “Must have valid driver’s license” “Must have return coat with child after visitation” YE GADS! This really shouldn’t be this hard!


  5. Every single parents has their obstacles, obviously, but I thank goodness for mine. I may not get child support or time off, but I am always in control over the siuations my daughter is put in to, and how she is treated. You are so amazing and strong for dealing with this every day!! LB is so lucky to have you.

    So, I am a pretty true Tarus and my daughter is a such a Scorpio. I get the idea you know what that means.


  6. I’ve been a lurker on your blog off and on. And I personally get a lot of strength from reading your posts. Just thought you might need to hear that. Stay stong and LB will learn just what her mom stands for. It will just take time.


  7. *hug*

    This is going to be such a major adjustment for both of you — just keep your head up, I know it’s hard because you have to deal with a lot but I think you get through each moment gracefully (although I have to admit Blondie would get an evil side eye from me but then again she’s with him, you gotta kind of be glad not to be in her shoes!) Try to focus on the positive and remember you have a big team of support out here to listen!


  8. I wish you all the best with this situation. I read your post from this summer “My worst fear” and I have a link to it in my new post. That post had me crying because I feel the exact same way. You aren’t alone in this. You are so strong and so amazing, I love your posts and all of your insights. Take care!!!


  9. I’m so impressed with how strong you are through all this. (Even when it doesn’t feel like you’re strong, you are.) Reading this makes me so thankful that my ex isn’t around to deal with all of this custody stuff. It would tear me apart. I don’t know if I could handle it. I hope it gets easier soon. Sorry you’re having to go through all of this. Oh, and Shiloh always manages to sock me in the eye if she’s in my bed, so that made me laugh.


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