court, custody, deadbeat dad, single mom


Thanks to April and SWM, who suggested I actually take the time to investigate the FACTS. I called to check out my case file. No response has been submitted. No parenting class has been completed on his part. He hasn’t petitioned for custody and still hasn’t made any attempts to see LB or call. He may threaten to take custody from me, and I may be back in court down the road, but I’m done with the intimidation. His poor mother has been a victim of his rage, his lies and his manipulation since he was a cow-macing, car-wrecking, meth-smoking, pre-pubescent youth.

He’s in his own bubble, remember? The negative vibes don’t affect me. I’m sure Ruby is worried about me. I’m sure the anger she sees in her son triggers a very primal level of fear, except now the fear involves 2 other people: myself and her beloved granddaughter. She told me herself,  “I love my son, but I’m not playing games anymore.”

I’ve decided if my court date goes well, I’m going to be Erin Brockovich for Halloween. If I am brutally rebuffed (as Alicia Silverstone would say in Clueless) I’m going as Dorothy, because I have some really cute red heels.

As for the comment “Why would a colleged-educated girl end up with a deadbeat Roofer?”, there’s been many theories about nature, female hormones, male hormones, the effects of drugs and alcohol, post-college rebellion, penis size and animal atraction (I’m sorry mother if you are reading this). After going to film school and immeshing myself in super-hip, super-egotistical, super-rich, super-intellectual, metrosexuals, I promptly ran in the opposite direction: Into the arms of the most testosterone-crazy, blissfully ignorant, bull-headed, beer-swigging, risk-taking embodiment of Greek God Ares I could find.

You’re right, it wasn’t a very smart descion and I’m suffering the life-long hangover now. There’s been many times where I’ve kicked myself, saying “I’m too smart for this sh**. I never thought I would be dumb enough to let something like this happen.” Se la Vie.

I did get a pretty awesome little person out of the whole deal though. 🙂


14 thoughts on “Intimidation”

  1. Does anyone ever really think they are dumb enough to let something like this happen? We all wish we stronger, smarter, etc. We don’t get to dwell in the what-if’s. We get to deal with the now. You are doing that. You are putting your foot down and making a stand…not for yourself (although you will get some benefits) but for your daughter.

    In regards to court, take a deep breath, walk in there with your head high, your heart strong and remember why you are there. It is not about you. It is about that little cutie pie that you love so much.


  2. I had to go back and read that comment.
    Reader, I’m glad you have not had to live through some of the things that pisceshanna and I have been thru (and others we know, but I won’t drag them into this without their knowledge). Instead of asking us, however, how we could try to believe in love, why don’t you ask the men why they chose to treat it so dismissively? Not only our love, but the love of the children they beared. The fault lies with THEM, not us.
    Pisceshanna, I’m glad to hear that Rooferman was all talk! Good luck, and keep us posted as soon as you can!


  3. I am someone who considers myself smart, educated and wordly and yet managed to fall for, marry and have children with a sick, mean, abusive person. To the commenter…you cannot possibly understand. You just can’t. I won’t take up more space on PH’s blog with my feelings on that matter to say more than YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

    PH — So glad he was all talk! Keep us posted and know we’re thinking of you!


  4. It seems even smart women make dumb choices! Like you and Liz – people ask me the same questions – why did you fall for him etc etc

    I just did! It happened. I cant explain it. Doesnt make me any less smart though 😉

    Good for you for making this decision to STOP allowing him to intimidate you!!


  5. People are assholes. and people like that commenter (and you know, I am so not even going to waste my time going back to read it)will eventually find out how it happens. And they will fell like shit for being so blase. I agree wholeheartedly with April, too. It is never ever the men’s fault, right? they get to do whatever they want, with no repercussions, and who is left not just holding the bag but getting all the blame?


  6. I was surprised by that comment. Maybe they weren’t trying to be mean, but it came across that way. You’re so right though, sometimes attraction is stronger than common sense and there is a reason they say love is blind. We all make mistakes and also, sometimes we don’t see the real person behind the mask in the beginning. People can hide parts of their personality from you. Trust me – I know.

    I’m glad Rooferman is not as prepared as you were led to believe. You’re going to be great!


  7. Wow. I’m just shocked at how something that has good intentions can be turned into something ugly, so fast! My comment was meant to imply that she is WAY TO GOOD FOR HIM. Not that she is stupid or anything else you all have pulled out of nowhere.

    and yes. I do know what it is like to fall for the wrong person. I was in a very abusive relationship and I still live in fear of my ex, so much so that I can’t open a bank account or even vote this year for fear of him finding out where I live. (He has my social security number and I’ve basically lived under the radar the past few years.) Don’t judge someone that you don’t even know.

    I was on her side. My comment was made to point out how GOOD SHE IS. You’re all too quick to start a fight and turn it into something else. This is the last of this blog I’ll be reading. Too many angry, bitter single mamas that will turn on someone WAY TO QUICKLY.


  8. I think that same thing sometimes…”How did I get here?” But you know what…I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in life that didn’t also involve having my son at my side…so I’m actually right where I’m supposed to be, and so are you. This will all get easier…it has too, right? 😉


  9. Reader- I really didn’t take offense at your comment, I’m as curious about the laws of terrible attraction as you are. The other ladies were just trying to say they got my back, and obviously we’ve all been through some shitty situations.

    I’m sorry we all were misjudged. Peace.


  10. Oh, my gosh! I have said the same thing to myself so many times. I’m a smart girl, how did I end up with someone so unhealthy?

    It’s one of the reasons I have waited so long to start dating again. I’m so afraid of ending up with a wolf in sheeps clothing again.


  11. The comment did come off as mean. Perhaps if reader had chosen to divulge all of this info in the original comment then there would not have been a misunderstanding. Just chalk it up to a miscommunication which happens because we are not speaking we are writing. I am sorry you are going through what you are going through with your ex. Hopefully things can get better for you.

    I am glad to hear that Rooferman was all talk. Whew! I too am sending many positive vibes your way. No parenting class that cannot bode well for him at all…Go kick his butt!


  12. Did we date the same person?!?! Seriously, the way you describe Rooferman in your posts is almost identical to my ex. I have also gotten a lot of the “What were you thinking” questions, and I know now (I knew then, I just wasn’t listening to myself) what a loser he really was. I will be sending you lots of love and good energy your way next Thursday. That jerk doesn’t have a leg to stand on!


  13. I think we all know it’s hard to interpret tone via blogging, IMs or texting. Reader’s TONE may have been meant entirely different than what it read like, and so I say take it with a grain of salt. LOVE AND PEACE PEOPLE. 😉

    And you rock. Don’t let the Richard intimidate any longer. LOVE IT.


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