court, custody, single mom


I did it. I jinxed myself. That feeling of “peace’ is all gone. Its now desperately clear that I’ll be standing in front of someone who hasn’t shown his face in almost 88 days. Someone I really don’t want to see. Someone who will undoubtedly try to drag my motherly credentials through the mud, while his girlfriend cheers from the benches.

Since it took so friggin’ long for Rooferman to get served, his mother had already broken the news to him before the papers were even put into his hands. I knew I shouldn’t have told her till I had phyiscal proof he already knew. So needless to say, he’s pissed. He’s apparently submited his own “paperwork” to the courts. I don’t know if that’s his own petition for custody, or if its the response to mine. All I know is that Ruby had a very concerned look on her face when I picked up LB from her house yesterday.

I guess I should start preparing myself for battle. I should prepare myself for his attempt to explain that he has been paying child support (because they took it out of his check) and that he has been seeing his daughter (because Ruby brought LB over to his house to see him yesterday). I should probably prepare myself for direct attacks on my abilities as a mom, accusations of withholding parenting time, and demands for joint custody.

I’m hoping the bubble philosophy will help me retain my sanity this Thursday, because there can be no emotional breakdown whatsoever. My heart needs to be a hard, cold little organ, impervious to the slings and arrows that will be thrown at it. My brain needs to be a fast-thinking, high-performing entity. My mouth needs to be a well-oiled machine. I need endurance. I need confidence. I really need sleep.


18 thoughts on “Jinxed”

  1. Try not let this eat you up! I KNOW its hard! I went through a custody hearing too – so I KNOW exactly what you feeling!

    I dont think I slept much either in the week leading up to my hearing! I cried and cried when it was over – even though I “won”

    You going to be fine though! No court is going to grant him more than possible visitation – doesnt matter what crap he spews out!

    But you are right you need to be calm, unemotional and confident!


  2. Speaking from my experience months down the road from where you are at and from dealing with a similar deadbeat…don’t let it eat you up. Granted, I still get anxious every time I step into that courtroom. But, I cannot change what will happen. I organized all my info, exactly as I was advised to do, I submitted it to the court and I still “lost” (there are no winners or losers in this b.s.). The judge knew exactly what he was going to do before we ever walked into that courtroom. I went back a second time, did the exact same thing and “lost”. Now we are on time 3 or 4 or 5 and someone is finally hearing me.

    You may not get exactly what you are hoping for but it will come eventually. Courts always give fathers every opportunity to be a part of their child’s life. They also give them enough rope to hang themselves (this is especially true when both parties are pro se). In my case, he hung himself.

    Now he is back to square one, step 1 and he will stay there until he can prove otherwise.


  3. Be strong – I know the feeling. After my X was served in May of 2008, he took my son away from me and I knew that the battle had begun. All I do everyday 24/7 is think about my son and hoping that the clerk will schedules a conference sooner than later. I look at the court docket everyday and still nothing! Stay strong, don’t loose your faith. You will see that both you and LB will get through this together.


  4. Aren’t you supposed to get copies of whatever he turned into the court?
    Don’t lose sight of the big picture. Allow yourself some freak-out time, and then take it all one step, one thing at a time.
    I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!


  5. We’re here for you girl, no matter what. You are super prepared and are gonna do awesome at presenting your case. If you need ANYTHING, call or come by so we can talk, seriously anything at all. Love you lots!


  6. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers, and I applogize if I haven’t commented on your blogs in a while. The filter at my work computer has blocked some of the comment windows if they are pop-ups.

    BOOOO. I’m still reading faithfully


  7. Well; I have nothing of value to offer other than to reiterate what some of the other ladies said here. Be strong, know we are rooting for you, and most of us have been there as well.


  8. I will be freaking out too when this happens. You know how he is and you were over prepared. I know that still doesn’t help really but you can and will do this for LB’s sake. Good luck you will be in my thoughts!


  9. I’m really surprised. He seems so flaky, I thought for sure he would just not show and give up. How did a pretty, college educated girl end up with white trash, deadbeat dad Rooferman?


  10. Oh my god. I’ll be thinking about you… keep us posted.

    You have the right attitude. Calm, cool, confident. Take the higher road – make him sound like a blubbering idiot if you can.

    Strength… I’m sending it to you.


  11. You’re living my worst nightmare. I’ll likely be thinking of you ALL WEEK, and I can’t wait to “hear” about the big day.

    For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing an amazing job with all of this.


  12. *sending positive vibes*

    You are strong and just need to keep believing in yourself and what you are doing. In the end the court is going to decide what it is going to decide and you can keep going until you get whatever results you feel are the right thing for you and your daughter. Just because he sent some kind of answer in doesn’t mean he knows what he is doing. Hang in there!


  13. You are so very strong, PH. Seriously. Already you’ve shown so much strength, and you WILL get through this.

    I will be thinking about you. Best wishes, and best of luck. I wish I had more to offer.

    And to echo what April said, shouldn’t the courts give you what Rooferman submitted to court?


  14. You can do this girl! You are an amazing and strong and powerful woman, I wanna hear that roar all the way down here in Texas. I know you will be that powerful woman you need to be in court. I think all this other advice from other single mama’s rules. Hell mama’s rule the earth ya know. Kick some boo-tay! You will be in my thoughts all day on Thursday and I will be sending you every ounce of positivity I have to help you through it.


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