sick, single mom, toddler

Death by apples

I woke up yesterday at about 5 am, and greeted the Porcelain God with desperate devotion. I did not leave the cold linoleum of my bathroom until the sun started peeking through the cheap, bug-splattered blinds. Did I accidentally add arsenic to my apple pie? I knew there was a reason why I don’t cook.

LB arose from dreamland and asked, “Mommy sick?”

“Yes, Mommy’s tummy hurts.”

“Kiss and make it better?”

I really didn’t want my 2-year-old watching me blow chunks, so I tried locking her out of the bathroom. Unfortunately, separation anxiety reared its ugly head and LB was immediately banging on the door and crying semi-hysterically. Oh the Trauma I’ve inflicted on her! 😉

I pictured the next 12 hours filled with this routine and hauled myself up to get the child ready for daycare. Sadly, I was only able to get myself to knee-level, which works well for dressing a 2-year-old, but doesn’t help at all when descending a staircase and driving a car. At this point I was getting 5 minutes in between trips to el baño, so the commute to daycare would have included 3 roadside puke breaks. NOT HAPPENING.

I considered my options: Stay home with Toddler. Grandma Sharon lives 30 minutes away. Grandpa Thom rides his bike to work. Rooferman = like he would ever help me. Sister lives in Alaska. Jiji also rides her bike to school/work. JL lives in town. Curmudgeon lives near Grandma Sharon.

Grandma Ruby happens to live 5 minutes from my house. I took a chance and called to see if she was heading into town. I woke her up. DAMMIT. She, being a sweet as apple cherry pie, became my salvation that morning and drove LB to daycare in her Dually.

After calling into to work (I guess that’s what I get for playing hooky on Monday), I promptly laid down on the floor, wrapped myself in a blanket and passed out. I slept until 2 pm. Didn’t wake up once. I had weird dreams about Rooferman and his “Posse” stalking me at a bar. It was like a Western. I thought he was gonna pull out his six-shooter.

I really can’t tell if I had food poisoning, the 24-hour stomach flu, or if I’m becoming one of those IBS people. I looked up IBS on WebMD and read “can be brought on by stress.” Hmmm, what ISN’T?

Anyway, after 18 hours of sleep, 2 Culturelle pills, some green tea and a single cup of Activia yogurt, I’m back.

P.S. Rooferman still hasn’t been served. Apparently there are a record amount of losers needing to be served by the Plata County Sheriff, and they haven’t gotten to him yet.

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9 thoughts on “Death by apples”

  1. Yuck! Sorry you were sick. Not fun. I haven’t had a stomach bug since Shiloh was a newborn, but I had to call someone to take her to daycare too. She was about two months old and I had to lay her on the living room floor, in the middle of feeding her, to go throw up. I couldn’t even dress her because I was throwing up so much. It was awful, so I understand. I’m glad you found someone to take LB for you.

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  2. As soon as I saw your title I was like Oh No! I thought it would be LB. Thank goodness it wasn’t and I’m glad you’re feeling yourself and thank goodness Aunt Ruby came to the rescue. Hope Rooferman gets served soon. Yet another reason for me to get some Activia.

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