Astrology, Dreams, Birth Control and Potty Training
Someone googled “Best time to potty train by the zodiac” and found my blog. Flogging hilarious.
Ironic, because last night for some reason, I asked LB “Do you want to wear a diaper or undies to bed tonight?” To which she responded, “Diaper or undies? UNDIES!”
Dum da dum dum. Why did I ask? I’m not ready to give up sleeping again. My child has been an absolute dream at bedtime lately. No getting up. No resisting pajamas. No physically removing her from her play kitchen. She has been as sweet as pie, snuggling in to bed while I read Curious George and Stand Tall, Molly Lou Mellon (a totally amazing book from Grandma Ruby, I might add). I now hear “I love you mama” every night, and for the most part, bedtime has been a pleasant experience lately.
So why would I want to ruin it by putting my daughter in undies at night? Because she said she wanted to, and I figure I should start teaching my kid that if she wants to make a choice, I will take her seriously and let her deal with the consequences (except I’M the one who will be cleaning up pee at 2 am).
I’m not doing this without reason though. I have been noticing that some mornings she wakes up with a dry diaper, and I figure if I don’t give her a gallon of water right before bed, she might be able to make it all night.
Even so, I was paranoid about setting LB up for a traumatic experience which would revert her back to anti-bedtime rituals, so I inwardly kicked myself. I reminded her that she was in underwear and not a diaper and she needed to use the potty at night just like she does during the day (well, 95% of the time at least). I told her to call me if she had to go pee and I would take her to the potty.
I left the door open and went downstairs to watch my Netflix. After the movie was over I took my shower, and went in to check LB. She was sleeping like a rock, but mean mommyI figured I should wake her up and make her go potty, in order to reduce the chance of a pre-dawn wet blanket party. BAD IDEA. I must have ripped my daughter from a particularly warm and fuzzy dream, because she went to to the darkside in 10 seconds flat as I tried to place her booty on the princess potty.
Okayyyyy. I put her back to bed. Looked at the clock: 11:50 pm. Went to bed. Throughout the night I must have checked on her 10 times, whispering “Do you need to go potty?” and then creeping back to bed. Finally at 5 am, I heard a groan. I ran into her bedroom and asked the question again. She sat up and said “Yes.”
Jigga what? She got up and went pee all by herself. Then she looked at me and said “I want to watcha movie.” Um, the sun’s not even up, honey. Tried to lay her back down, but failed. So I thought, “Screw it! She went all night without an accident. She can sleep the last hour and a half in my bed.”
I’m totally exhausted. At some point in the night, I woke up while having a dream about driving through Cool World in a bumper car. On the way to LB’s room, I kept telling myself I should write it down so I could blog about it in the morning, but alas, I cannot recall anything further than bright lights and Techno playing in the background. Maybe I was driving through Sin City. I can’t remember.
So if Astrology has anything to do with LB’s miraculous first night in undies, I would say, potty train your kid while Mercury is in Retrograde. Prepare for the worst, but expect surprises.
Another irritating piece of Mercury Retrograde: Mail gets flogged up. Yesterday I discovered my mail-order prescription had arrived. Unfortunately my prescription has to be refrigerated, and the cold packs had completely melted around it. My box of Nuvarings was lukewarm when I unpacked it.
Good thing I never have sex anyway.