single mom

Mercury in Retrograde

The meeting with said attorney was good. I had a lot of questions, which I think he liked, because I managed to steal a whole 40 minutes from his busy schedule, instead of my allotted 15. I don’t think I’ll be able to file for custody until next paycheck, since the fee just recently went up to $212 in Colorado. I’m already broke this month due to the hideously overpriced drop-in daycare center.

The lawyer dude looked me straight in the eye and said “Does your daughter love her father?”

I didn’t know what to say. She’s 2. I think she does. She hasn’t seen him in 39 days, and with this new “shy” phase she’s going through, I’m curious to see if she will run into his arms like she used to. She asks me about him; “Where’s Daddy?” and “Daddy gone?” but she never cries for him. She has been sleeping soundly and her potty training is in the final stages of completion. Everyone I know says she is a happy, intelligent, easy-going, well-adjusted kid, but does that mean she doesn’t love her dad? No. It means she has become used to life without him, and when he suddenly swoops back in to reclaim his title, I’m betting everything is going to change once again.

This is why I’m going to court. Because this is a crime against our child. Right now, I have no authority to tell him he can’t make up the time he missed. When he does finally call again, you can bet your ass he is going to demand more parenting time because “he was in a place where he just couldn’t see her” this last month. What does that mean? Where is this “place”? Does it exist in reality or just in Rooferman La La Land? What dad says that and gets away with it? What does that mean to a 2-year-old?

It doesn’t mean s*** to a single mom, let me tell you.

I had a dream last night that I saw Blondie Girlfriend and she had a huge black eye. Her arms were cut up, her legs were bruised, and she basically looked like she crawled out of collapsed mine shaft. I grabbed her and shook her and said “YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS! WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU IS WRONG!”

She looked at me and said “Just cause you couldn’t handle it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.”

Dreams are some cold s***, huh?

In Astrological news, we are in the Shadow period of Mercury in Retrograde. What does that mean? Mercury is the planet that rules communication, business, studies, intellectual thought and travel. When Mercury is in Retrograde, things move in the opposite direction they are supposed to. Cars break, computers crash, cell phones have no service, people are unable to log into their Online class, and general technological and communicative annoyances seems to plague people’s lives.


At least that’s one explanation of why Rooferman has been MIA with disconnected cell phone service for a month now. DEFINITELY no communication there.

The lawyer asked me if we could file as Co-Petitioners, and I just laughed. I’m gonna try to sit in on a court hearing for custody in the next few weeks, so I can see what I’m up against. Hopefully I’ll get to witness a really vindictive couple that will make me realize my life isn’t so bad.

On that note:

Today is September 11th.  7 years ago, I was in Boston. I had just started my Sophomore year of college. I had sat with my dorm-mates during election year while they turned a disgusted, accusing eye on me as the state of Colorado went red for Bush. I was the redneck, financial-aid-receiving, Titanic-loving loser who had infiltrated their pristine film school.

That morning, as I sat in my pajama pants, watching the news in the dining hall, I realized what a different world I was in.  Most kids who go to college out of state go through a culture shock. This was more than I was ready for.

In the next 48 hours, the city of Boston went on lock-down. There was a mandatory curfew at our college. I walked through deserted streets, usually clogged with traffic. “Closed” signs were up in business windows everywhere. My roommate panicked and evacuated to her relatives home outside the city. Everyone was afraid terrorists were still somewhere in Boston. The planes that crashed into the World Trade Towers both took off from Logan Airport, so flying out became almost impossible for the next year. Being so close to the fear, confusion and pain was an exhausting, emotional experience that consumed my entire year at Emerson.

At the end of the year I went home to Colorado, and I stayed there. I did eventually return to Boston and finished my degree, but it took a year to get there. I’ve never been to New York, but I felt close to it, watching Boston react to the tragedy. I can’t believe its been 7 years.


13 thoughts on “Mercury in Retrograde”

  1. Glad the meeting went well!!!

    Good luck for the custody hearing!!! We didnt go to court but Mr Ex fought me so we went to the Family Advocate and it was possible the worst experience of the divorce so far!

    Interesting about the mercury thing – my car is broken!!


  2. I’m glad that you got some extra time with the lawyer and even more glad that you’ll file for sole custody of Lily really soon. I know it’s the best course of action for Lily. Hang in there! … How long is this Mercury thing going to last?


  3. I’m glad the meeting was good and I totally agree with Jiji about it being best for LB. I can tell with the Mercury thing too, things have been very backwards this week for sure. Take care, if you need anything call, and see ya soon!


  4. Um, I have nothing of value to add. Nothing that isn’t going to turn into my own rant about sooooo many things, and I wll spare all your readers that today. For you? It is a start, one more way to help LB in the long run, and to allow you to have some power back. and before I end? Yeah. It doesn’t mean s**t to me either.


  5. So THAT’S why Anna’s dad is going on another one of his 2+ weeks of ignoring any type of communication from me!

    Glad things went well! Even though legal stuff is stressful, it’s kind of nice to read about what you’re going through. It’s like encouragement for me — if one single mom is getting sh*t done, I can get all my crap done, too!

    9/11 – freshman in high school, in my journalism class, watching everything happen on the TV… in my small city in mid-Michigan. I can’t even imagine what it would’ve been like closer to NYC.


  6. Erf, of all the weirdness, I had a dream about your ex and his GF last night. I mean, as much as I can having not seen Jed since my sophomore year of high school, and never having met his GF at all. In it, they both had shaved heads and she was definitely putting up with shit she shouldn’t have to be. I was trying to ask Jed what had been up with him and he was getting all defensive and evasive… weird dream.


  7. Just keep this in mind…. When you are old and grey and need someone to come see you and help you out, your little girl will be by your side… As for her dad? She might not feel the same need to be there for him since he wasnt there for her. My mom actually walked on my dad after 26 years.. I was 10, was just diagnosed as a juvenile diabetic, and my dad hadn’t cooked a meal in nearly 3 decades! (we ate alot of canned stuff) Any way, moral is, I will ALWAYS run to my dads side first, yes I love my mom, but I never forgot that she didnt have my best interest in mind for a long time.


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