Erase your life

Since I’ve washed the blogging slate clean (September at least), I might as well get on the ball and start replacing my life with a new one.

In my new life, I am a C-Cup who still can wear size 8 shoes. I no longer attempt to force my post-pregnancy feet into my pre-pregnancy heels, and I can shop the entire lingerie section instead of hiding in the corner with the Godzilla bras.

In my new life I drive a sleek, silver Toyota Matrix, where snow mobile runners magically pop out from under the car in the event of a blizzard. LB has a dirt-proof carseat, and the floors are self-cleaning. I have a surround-sound XM radio, where the Disney channel never plays commercials or  Hannah Montana, just non-stop Lion King, Lilo and Stich, Little Mermaid and Nightmare Before Christmas songs.

In my new life I have passed the State of Colorado Administrative Test, and I have scored in the Top 3. I have interviewed for the position and passed with flying colors. I am now eligible for the awesome child care center they have on site at my new job. My PERA benefits have transferred seamlessly and I can continue adding cash to my retirement.

The male teacher in LB’s new daycare center is a creative, nurturing, empowering influence in our new life. LB runs to hug him every morning as she arrives at her class. She plays well with the other kids, and has no problem being outnumbered by the boys.

In my new life, I stare into Sushi Boy’s dreamy brown eyes whenever I feel like it.

In my new life I actually get up at 5:30 am and workout.

in my new life I have a lawyer who handles all my worries and I no longer feel nauseous when the phone rings.

In my new life my daughter has a father who doesn’t ditch his visitation, write bad checks, refuse to pay child support, get thrown in jail or return her in a filthy condition. He doesn’t respond to picture messages with “LB is getting fat.” He doesn’t hang up on the mother of his child or threaten her with legal action.

In my new life I have all the answers and I’m never afraid. I eat all organic vegetables and I don’t have the cops showing up at my apartment complex in the middle of the night. I don’t binge on cookies and wine. I don’t have an emergency pack of cigarettes stashed in the freezer. I don’t have acne scars or split ends. I don’t feel pain and there’s a match to all my earrings and LB’s socks.

Ok done with the fantasy.

In real life, I have this awesome astrology book that says “The more highly developed Pisces are able to fully embrace their imagination, yet remain grounded in reality.” I guess that’s why I blog. So I can express creativity while simultaneously grinding my soul away with a job in public service. They can have my body, but my soul lives here.

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12 thoughts on “Erase your life

  1. Awesome fantasy =) (I honestly can’t believe he said LB was getting fat!) Anyways, here’s hoping the fantasy comes true, at least for the most part =) It was awesome seeing you the other night! Love ya!

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  2. your imaginary life sounds awesome; can you factor in one slightly crazy lately blogging friend so I can be part of it? Because even my imaginary life sucks lately! 🙂

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  3. I can’t believe he texted you back that LB was getting fat. What the hell? You have amazing strength to deal with that kind of crap on a regular basis. And a pretty awesome imagination…hope some (or all!) of that starts coming true for you! You’ve earned the good stuff.

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  4. I like this fantasy life idea. I need to come up with one too. Here’s hoping your dream life and your real life start to look the same (at least the important parts).

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  5. I real life you are grounded, strong, have a kick-a$$ imagination, are realistic, brave, articulate and one AMAZING woman!

    Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……………

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  6. Are things not going well with the day care?

    There is still HUGE hope for the job – so that may become a reality ;o)

    And so might Sushi Boy?

    (ok hope I didnt miss something in the deleted posts)

    Its always fun to play these what ifs though – does make you feel better!!

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  7. Okay, I was managing to smile through most of the fantasy until you got to the part about your ex calling LB fat. OMG, I’m so completely outraged by that!! (BTW, mine has also been in jail, written bad checks, and didn’t bathe my daughters for 4 days!!)

    But I may have to try this “new life” thing.

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