(Aries)Manic /(Pisces)Depressive

I know I live a privileged life as a white American. I don’t share a room with 6 other people. I don’t work 18+ hours a day in a Chinese sweatshop. I don’t have to worry about my daughter getting shot when she is outside playing. I have food, running water and shelter. I have a car. I have a job when the unemployment rate is rising to almost 6%.

When I’m feeling angry, depressed, tired, lonely, sad, or any other negative emotion, I try to think of these statistics. I try to tell myself that my life really isn’t so bad; that I could be living in Darfur or Iraq right now. The type of violence and horror these people have experienced has never reached my quiet, peaceful Colorado town.

Today, however, none of these statistics are making me feel better. I’m pissed. I’m stressed. I have a churning stew of sulfuric acid in my belly. I don’t wanna be a single mom today. I want a day off. I want to get away from my life.  I feel like the monster in Cloverfield. I just want to rip off the Statue of Liberty’s head.

I’m pissed at the fat-ass tourists who decided to fill the ENTIRE CAMPGROUND where my best friend chose to have her wedding tomorrow. I’m pissed that the campground owners would rather sell a campsite to a flogging Texan than a local. I’m pissed that those campground owners didn’t MENTION to the fat-ass Texans that there was going to be a wedding this weekend and if they would kindly drive their RV somewhere else, it would be greatly appreciated.

I’m pissed that I listened to my daycare when they said LB was ready to potty train at 18 months. Its been an 8 month war since then. Its a battle everyday. I sometimes stop and wonder WHY THE HELL AM I FIGHTING WITH A 2 YEAR OLD? I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO WIN! It makes me so flogging angry, and then I get angry with the fact that I am angry. Then I morph into Cloverfield Monster Mom and my daughter is staring up at me in horror.

To further elaborate on my shallow American bitchfest, I may as well jump into the Astrological explaination of why I’m like this. I’m a Pisces. My moon is in Aries. This sets up for some major passive-aggresive behavior. Pisces are understanding, soothing, philosophical. Aries are spontaneous, reactive, energetic. When your sun is in Pisces and your Moon is in Aries, you try ever so hard to hide your soft, gentle self from the world. You don’t want to be weak. You don’t want to be walked over. You get angry when your Piscean side starts showing. You try to pretend you really aren’t another spineless, simpering push-over.

When I have moments of weakness like I have today, I discredit them immediately (see above). I blame it all on my Pisces Sun/Aries Moon combo. Cause I am weak sometimes. I am an escapist. I can’t hide from that, as much as I may try.

In yo Face Miss Cleo.

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15 thoughts on “(Aries)Manic /(Pisces)Depressive

  1. You started potty training at 18 months? That is EARLY! Porgie is two, and has never sat on the potty. I don’t think I am going to start until she is three.

    Sorry about your shitty day.

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  2. What? Potty training at 18 months? Oh hell no, what kind if daycare would recommend that? Oh, yeah, one whose concern is for themselves, not the well being of your daughter. Because the yare too fucking lazy to change a diaper. Shit all over that. No pun intended. I have just barely started leading Owen toward that arena, and he is over two-there are SO many easier ways to do it than to try to force them, as you are finding out. Tell the daycare folk to bite you in the ass and then let LB decide when she is ready. Ask if she wants to. Put her potty in the living room. Make a big deal out of it is she goes, do NOT make a big deal out of it f she doesn’t. There are no college students who either still breastfeed or wear diapers, so let HER decide when she is ready. Ugh. Can you tell this is a sore point with me?

    And hey, I hear you on the rest. But let yourself feel how you feel today, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know we could have it worse. But knowing that does no negate how shitty you feel today, you know? It will pass. I go along for days and sometimes (though not often) weeks without feeling the anger and resentment and stress and fear that comes from being a single parent, but then there are days and weeks where I do nothing but bitch about it. It’s a cycle. You are doing great. And sorry for swearing on your blog.

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  3. Thanks Kori and Christy.

    Cussing on my blog doesn’t offend me, I’m just afriad one day if there are too many curse words, my internet filter at work will categorize it as “adult language” and I won’t be able to blog at work anymore. Hehehe.

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  4. I agree with the others that is a bit early for potty training! I let my kids lead! Kiara is 4 and we are only now starting to get rid of the night nappy!

    Maybe my moon and stars are in the same place! I am feeling pretty crappy about life aswell today!

    I have been blaming pms!

    Tomorrow will be better!

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  5. I’m sorry you are having a bad week. I feel you. With the choking, dog mauling, and my second trip to the hospital in a month–I SO feel you.

    I love the astrology twist to your blog. Probably because I love astrology, but I know nothing about it. I should read up more. OR have you give me a “reading.” 🙂

    As for the potty, here’s what I do with Son (I think he’s about a month and a half younger than LB), if you even care. He’s still in pull-ups at daycare, diapers at home (b/c diapers are cheaper, but I understand the frustration of diapers at daycare.) There is no way is he going to underwear anytime soon. He’s pretty good about going on the potty at daycare (hence the pull-ups). I think it’s because I think all the other kids do. At home, we just ask him, or wait for him to tell us. He rarely wants goes at home, but LOVES to go in public restrooms. (Whatever)

    Don’t stress about it, and if you have to regress with LB, don’t worry. Tell your daycare to shove it with a pack of Pampers in hand. It’s not worth the stress. Just go with the flow. Heh.

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  6. Sometimes perspective helps. Sometimes it makes me feel worse. Sometimes, you just got to let these feelings out!!
    I sucked at potty training, if that makes you feel any better 🙂

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  7. I agree on the potty training thing. I won’t even start until J’s like 2 or almost 3? Damn daycares. Damn tourists. I’m sorry your week sucks.

    I’m technically an Aries but I wish I wasn’t. I consider myself to be on the cusp (April 17) but there are way too many Tauruses in my family. I wish I could have been an Aquarius or even a Pisces. Oh well that is obviously beyond my control.

    I hope things go better. While it’s good to be positive you do have to recognize the negative too.(Just had to throw my future post in) I hope things go better for ya.

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  8. 18 Months and potty training. No way!!! Benjamin is just now getting started and he’s 36 months.

    And as for the fat Texans – DAMN…

    I’m an Aries – and I’m also slightly manic. : ) Loved this post.

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