Pedophiles and Preggos

So what I love about WordPress is you can look at all the incoming searches people used to find your blog. Yeah I know this is yesterday’s news, but when I was over at Blogger, I never discovered how to do this, and I was wickedly jealous of everyone else who had this privileged information.

So what have I found out? The two main search items people have used to find my blog are:

  • “Camel Toe”
  • “C-Section Scar”

What? No single moms are looking? No other astrologically inclined hippies are out there? I did find one “Cost of Living” search, but it was a cry in the dark compared to the manginitude of “Camel Toe” variations.

Its actually pretty funny, because the only post I ever wrote that included the word “camel toe” also was the only post that included the word “c-section scar.” Wow! What a humdinger of a blog entry! Sadly, I did not post pictures of either camel toe or c-section scars, which is probably why someone would be searching anyway.

To remedy this issue, (since I don’t want any kinky web surfers to be disapointed) I have a movie to direct your attention to. I’ve blogged about The Weather Man once before, because I dearly love the movie and its sick, dark, sad, funny story. Not only does it have some great actors, but the script rocks and the tone is so powerfully depressing (in a funny way). If you think your family is dyfunctional, or ever wonder if you ever should have stayed with your ex, watch this movie and feel better 🙂

Oh did I mention it has a fabulously disturbing Camel Toe sequence? So all you pedophiles who wanna see some major vagina creases, add it to your netflix and leave my poor blog alone.

As for you c-section scar ladies, don’t be scared. I know you are pregnant and the doctors are telling you that you will mostly likely end up under the knife, but you’ll be fine. Most likely you have a doting husband who will be there to get you ice tea and pain pills. Most likely your stitches won’t burst because you won’t have food poisoning and won’t be retching in the toilet. You probably won’t beg your baby daddy to stay with you until grandma gets there, so your newborn won’t have to cry in the crib while you are puking. Most likely you have a partner who thinks your needs are more important than getting to work on time, and will actually stay with you instead of peeling out of the driveway in a cloud of dust.

I have complete faith in you soon-to-be mommies. If Britney Spears can survive two c-sections in 2 years, a vindictive, money-grubbing, power-tripping ex-hubby, lock down in a mental ward, and still comeback with a platinum album, you will do just fine. I would take a picture of my scar for all yall, but my blog would probably be categorized as “adult pictures” and I would no longer be able to feed my addiction at work (during my lunch break of course).

Peace.

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5 thoughts on “Pedophiles and Preggos

  1. Well. I could NOT resist this post, just because of the title. And hey, C-section mama here, too, and all I can say is I am equally sure that those other C-scetion mommies won’t get a staph infection and have to have the old church lady clean and muck out the disgusting, oozing site becuase (then) hubby is too grossed out by it. Nor will they have to figure out how to take care of a screaming baby and bleeding nipples while passing clots the size of mars and STILL have to make dinner. Hm, sorry, for a second I forgot this was your blog about your issues! 🙂 Loved this one, girl, totally.

    Like

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