A year ago

I’ve been having a lot of strange dreams, nostalgic thoughts and fits of dejavu this week. Why? Because the chaotic sign of Aries is turning into the stable, generous sign of Taurus? Because a huge unknown has been eradicated from the world of child support? Because one year ago my life was completely and utterly unrecognizable from what it is today.

As I sit daydreaming at my desk, I have flashes of turquoise water, white sand and gentle sun come over me. Maybe my brain instinctively knows that at this time last year I was sitting on a beach in Miami, Florida, wondering if I should ever return to Colorado.

Why? Well, the current temperature on Miami Beach was 68 degrees and people kept telling us it was “cold” out. When we told everyone we were from Colorado, they asked “Why did you bring the cold weather with you?” Ha. Little did those bronzed Floridians know, there was still snow on the ground back home. Did I want to return to that? Hell no.

At that point I was not working full time. I did not possess the financial security and 5-day a week time commitment to something other than my daughter. LB had not been introduced to the universe of daycare. I held a part-time “Seasonal” job as an Imaging Technician, where I worked 12 measly hours a week while LB stayed with her daddy.

At that point I was still wearing a ring on my finger. A diamond ring that had seen the ruin of Louisiana, crack motels in Lubbock, Texas, the roar of the Aztec Speedway, the redrock of Lake Powell, the Santa Anas of Long Beach, California, and most recently, the molding, deteriorating carpet of our misshapen cabin in Mancos.

After I came back from Miami, I never slept on that carpet again. I never slept in that house again. I didn’t even unpack my bags when I got home. I just took my daughter and left with the words “I think we need to take a break,” echoing behind me.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, that was the day my engagement ended.

3 weeks later, I started my present job and managed to find a daycare slot.
4 weeks later, I had my own health insurance for the first time.
1 week later, LB had her first birthday.
2 months later, I received my first raise.
3 months later, I donated eggs to a couple in need.
1 month later, I moved into my own place.
1 day later, I pawned my engagement ring.
1 month later, I filed for child support.
3 months later, I have a child support order.

In 2 more months, I will have a 2 year old daughter.

Did I really survive it all?

Where were you a year ago?

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2 thoughts on “A year ago

  1. Wow hell of a year. It’s amazing how much happens in a short amount of time; I can’t believe it. Love you and see ya tonight!

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  2. Hey–found you over at ms. single mama. I am digging your blog. Good stuff! I’ll be back.

    I’ve been jumping around to different posts, but I figured I’d comment on this one because the one-year “anniversary” of the breakup of my son’s father and me is next month. Uh, if that makes any sense. Of course, he’s trying to come back into my life now and forge a new relationship. I’m trying to figure out what to do about it all, but that’s a whole other story for my blog–not yours. 🙂

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