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Horrormonal

April 10, 2008

Since its that time of the month, I get a free pass to drinking all the red wine I want, right? Well Lemme describe how ridiculous I am, right now.

I was an emotional wreck last night. Since I got my taxes back, I treated myself to some online purchases, and have been waiting for them for a few weeks. The housing project that I live in, as you all know is fairly new, and therefore has recurring problems with delivery drivers finding the place.

So last night, I was in the shower, drinking red wine(having put the toddler to bed, of course). I was feeling pretty sh**y, having dealt with a bad situation at work, one where I am forbidden to talk about, due to confidentiality, but basically it just so happens I get to see the evidence of my baby daddy’s “responsible” parenting to his girlfriend’s kids, and he hasn’t seen his own daughter in 40-something days. And I deal with it on a weekly basis, but yesterday it was just too much.

Anyway, I get out of the shower and discover that there are two packages sitting on my welcome mat. Immediately I am elated, until I discover that one of the packages has been partially ripped open, and the training pants that I bought for LB have been rained/snowed on all evening.

Sob. Shake it off. Cry. Shake it off. Shake it off.

The next package is a pair of kick-ass designer jeans I bought off Overstock.com for a whopping $35.00 (marked down from $95.00). Now let me explain something, before you read what happens next. The jeans shopping options in my town are as follows:

  • Wal-Mart
  • JC Penny
  • Corral West

I no longer can buy jeans from the teen stores at the mall, because A) they fall apart and B) my C-Section Scar does not look good creeping up and over cooch-riders.

So I immediately pull the amazing jeans out of the bag and pull them on. I look in the mirror.

I have muffin top. I have camel toe. I have watermelons for thighs. My ass looks like it’s screaming for help.

I lose it. I break down. I cry and cry and cry.

Its hilarious, because who buys jeans without trying them on first (well, besides models.) I NEVER do this. But I am sick of either choosing Mom Jeans or Britney Jeans. There is no middle ground. And of course I am ragging, so everything is overblown and dramatic and totally out of control.

So what do I do? I throw the jeans in a corner. I put in Jurassic Park and keep drinking.
Best decision ever.

Why? Cause T-Rex, he feels my pain.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. KarmaTee permalink
    April 10, 2008 11:30 am

    Jean sizes are waaay off, so don’t even worry about it. Plus, designer jeans… PAH. We’ve all seen Project Runway and how impossible it is for designers to design for real women. So you know it’s not your issue. Walk it off. As for the fatherhood thing, that sucks. But, the universe usually gives you back what you put in, and he’ll get his. You’re a rock star. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

    Like

  2. Colorado Girl permalink
    April 10, 2008 4:49 pm

    Sorry sweetie =( I totally feel for you; karmatee is right though, jeans never fit the same or are sized right, even if you buy them at the same time. Honestly, I have jeans in 4 different sizes that all fit. Sorry about ‘he who must not be named’. Love ya and see ya soon =)

    Like

  3. September 6, 2008 1:59 am

    Dont feel bad hun, i “supposably” have a great body and i still look like shit in jeans. I know how you feel, whenever its my time of the month, i go all crazy on everyone and pig out on chocolate and pop for a week. Anyway I hope you find some kick ass jeans that make you look totally sexy soon. Luv ya

    Like

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