The solution to Unwanted Pregnancy

So if were president, this is how I would curb the influx of accidental pregnancies. Please feel free to throw peanuts, watermelons, grenades…etc..for my horrible immoral commentary on society.

I am a supporter of a women’s right to choose. Obviously, how I could I grow up under a feminist regime and NOT support the women’s right to choose? Anyway, I thought I was one in a million, since Roe v. Wade has reached its 35th anniversary, and all. I figured this was ancient history; a well-integrated fact in our society, something common place and familiar in our ever-progressing, technologically advanced world.

Negative. Oh Lordy no. Absolutely NOT.

After I had LB and joined a few Internet circles of mommies, I began receiving the “abortion poem.” I don’t know if any of you females have run across it, but it is the lowest form of emotional manipulation I have ever read. It is propaganda at its finest. Hitler would have been proud.

The “poem” stars a fetus (who would probably be voiced by Dakota Fanning if it were a child actor), who apparently can smell, taste, hear, see, talk and has highly detailed “knowledge” of the medical world around it at the tender embryonic age of 7 weeks. So this tiny (yet fully developed) Mini-me, basically acts out the final scene in Braveheart (you, know where they pull out his intestines one by one?), screaming in its high-pitched Dakota Fanning voice (ala “DON’T KILL HIM!” in Charlotte’s Web).

Christ, if I could insert eye rolling here, I would. The worst part is that I have actually had other mommies post comments on how “traumatizing” the poem was for them, and how they cried when they were reading it. PUHLEASE. I really can’t go into detail over the anger this sparks in me, mostly because it makes the female race look dumb. I don’t care about your beliefs, but PLEASE don’t base them off a damn email that was probably written by a polygamist middle schooler as a class project. Do the research, and make a conscious decision.

*insert feminist rant* So, since our culture still puts all pressure to keep unwanted pregnancies at bay on our daughters, mothers, sisters and all other females of a reproductive age, this is MY solution:

1. Doctors are required to keep records on when males begin producing sperm.
2. Once males reach the age where they are able to reproduce, begin a sperm bank.
3. Castrate males.
4. When that male decides he wants to have children, access his sperm bank and let him.

This way, people may have children only when they WANT them. Only when its planned. Women will never have to terminate an accidental pregnancy. Wow! A world without Abortion? How does THAT sound you hyper-religious Nazis? What about instead of threatening, shaming and scaring the crap out of teenagers with worthless abstinence talk, we actually go to the heart of the problem?

Everyone wins this way. And if you are thinking that kids will just run around having sex all the time if there was no pregnancy risk, ummm…..aren’t they doing that already? What about STDs? there are still tons of those around to scare people, and maybe with the pregnancy issue of the the picture, then teens may have just a little less pressure to deal with, and may be more open to the thought of safe sex.

You know what else this would eliminate? CHILD SUPPORT DRAMA! Kanye West’s “Golddigger“…uh uh. Not anymore. There would be no more “Ole’ keep a ****** baby trick.” Do you know how many stories I’ve heard that go like this:

• Girl gets pregnant.
• Boy wants her get an abortion.
• Girl refuses (Gasp).
• Boy runs from child support the rest of his life.

Yeah. GREAT situation to raise a baby in. My solution would END that scenario.

Ok, so its fascist and unnatural and immoral, and really just my own personal fantasy, but come on. How perfect?

Please post hate mail on my comments, its a free country, Yo.