dawn of the dead, selfish, single mom, sleep


I got home from the vile daycare parent meeting (a whopping total of 4 attended!) last night with the full intention of going to bed as soon as I put the toddler down to sleep. It became clear to me when I could not break from the Vulcan-death-grip she had on my neck, that she was NOT going to slide peacefully into dreamland.

I guess this possibility didn’t occur to me 3 hours earlier when I let her eat an entire Wendy’s Frosty, and watched her run in circles around the daycare, giggling maniacally. Hmm. Good Job Mommy.

So even after a full musical revue of Mary Poppins, Annie and the Little Mermaid, she still was whimpering “mama, mama, mama, mama.” whenever I started saying “Goodnight.” By the time 9:00 pm rolled around, I was mumbling through “Part of your world” with my head on the bar of her makeshift crib (foldable playpen). I finally said, “Ok, mama needs to go take a shower. Nite nite.”

I Left the room under severe screaming protest, but I was done for the night. I was literally falling asleep in the shower. Once out of the shower, I should have gone directly to bed and passed out naked under the covers, like the good ole days. The days where I didn’t care if I woke up with a rats nest in my hair, or unbrushed teeth. I didn’t care because I was able to wake up 30 minutes before work, throw my hair in a ponytail and run out the door with a toothbrush in my mouth.

Now I brush my teeth before bed, comb my hair, do the underarm dove treatment and get into Pjs. Then I make sure the door is dead bolted, see that my cell phone, work ID, car & work keys, chewing gum, debit card, spare diaper and glasses are all safely in my purse (everything else is expendable). Then I make sure all the lights are turned off downstairs, try not to trip over LB’s potty (which she has filled with cat food) and grab any dirty clothes that are lying around.

Once I am upstairs, I walk into my room and look at my bed. Then I look at the computer. Look at bed. Look at computer. Turn on computer. Sit at desk until midnight, checking email, instant messaging, chatting, watching youtube, checking myspace/facebook, reading forums on cafemom, winking on Match.com and downloading music. Am I still falling asleep? Yes. But somehow I don’t care as much.

So that fact that now I am a cranky, overtired, uncooperative, leave-me-alone, excuse for an administrative assistant mess, is REALLY my own damn fault. Instead of doing the right thing last night, I selfishly pursued my own indulgences. I insisted on ME time. After spending the day doing everything for everyone else, I sacrificed precious sleep for those few delicious hours of electronic narcissism.

Sometimes when I sleep, I dream that LB is screaming, and I sit straight up in bed like a freakin‘ Zombie. Silence. 30 seconds later? A wail from her room. Pretty much describes what happened last night. Every hour on the hour.

The third time I jerked myself out of sleep, my thoughts were no longer on LB.

Oh no.



Oh P.S. If I have to scrape my windshield in the morning one more time, I am going to go postal with the ice scraper.


2 thoughts on “Zombie”

  1. Oh, my God. I’m sorry you’ve had rough (and horrible) past few days. Let’s hope we can get together this weekend and drown the troubles away with some gaming and liquor! (I still have some Smirnoff Ice from the Denver trip)

    PS: THANK YOU FOR THE RIDE! If it’s ever too much trouble JUST TELL ME! 🙂


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