Absence

I’m back. It really was the worst Thanksgiving ever. Besides seeing my family (which is always fun), the series of events that were conducted almost broke me.

LB was sent home from daycare on the day before Thanksgiving with a 102 fever. Her temperature stayed about 101-103 the whole rest of the week, making it impossible to keep her happy. Of course my grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousin wanted to play with and oogle over poor sick baby constantly, which only made her crabbier. On top of that, her usual daycare runny nose had become a green slime river, which refused to desist. She also had an attractive cough, that wreaked havoc on her lungs every time she inhaled.

Lets just say that sleepy time was hell. LB went to the dark side every night, (understandably, since she was unable to breathe). I think I lost my hearing on one side for an entire day. Humidifier did no good, steam shower did no good, Baby Tylenol, no good, Baby Motrin…THANK GOD.

My uncle is also in the final stages of MS. He is in a full-on, high powered go-cart, since he has lost all ability to move from the waist down. This go-cart weighs over a 1000 lbs, and our entire living room had to be cleared out, so he could maneuver around. My mother almost had a heart attack every time LB was on the floor near his cart, fearing she would be crushed under the wheels. He has hearing aides, but can’t seem to follow any conversation, so he gets frustrated, and usually ends up in a screaming fit, saying we aren’t including him. He has a very loud, Jewish-from-the-Bronx voice, that stands out in a small mountain town (especially at Applebee’s).

LB’s daddy’s mom (I call her my Mother-in-Law, even though we aren’t married), told us last week that she has breast cancer, and is getting a mastectomy in a few weeks. We are supposed to take some pictures of Her, LB and me, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep it together and look happy. I love my MIL dearly. She is such a beautiful and gentle woman, and LB adores her as a grandma. She has helped me so much, as a new mother, and I respect and admire her greatly. She has had such a hard life, and I wish there was some way I could block all forms of further suffering from impeding on her.

To top it all off, my baby daddy himself decided to let me in on some secrets he has been hiding from me for 2 years. I can’t really discuss the details, its too painful. Lets just say he only proposed to me (long ago) because he felt guilty for his past actions and circumstances, and didn’t know how to remedy it. So he thought he could make everything better by asking me to marry him. As of now, I had pretty much given up all hope we would ever be together, but it still hurts to know that he NEVER thought that things would work out at any point in time. It hurts to know that there was such a long absence of love on his part; and me standing on the other side without a clue.

Yeah, pretty much the worst week ever. Shooting yourself up with hormones can’t help the mood either, huh? I hope everyone else had a better holiday.

4 thoughts on “Absence

  1. You poor thing. {{{hugs}}} Weeks from hell are never pretty, but they do.end. Sometimes not soon enough for your liking, but they do.

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  2. Oh Hanna!!! I am sorry to hear about your week from hell! Is there anything I can do to help? Is LB feeling better now? How is your hearing? I truly am sorry! I wish I were closer so I could give you a HUGE hug!!! If you need anything please let me know!!! I love you Hanna!!!

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  3. Wow, I’m really sorry about everything. I’m stoked you’re moving this weekend. Hopefully, I’ll actually be well by then. Anyways, sorry the holiday was a wreck =( Love you lots!!

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