DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. I’ve already eaten THREE chocolate chip cookies and its only 1:00 pm. There’s aren’t the little keebler cookies either. These are the big, soft catered cookies from the local bakery.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why do I have no self-control?
I actually resisted going over to the other building (like I usually do) when the secretary makes her “cookies in the break room” announcement over the loudspeaker.
I waited all the way till my boss forced me to make a run to the mail room. Then I knew it was over, because I had that feeling of excitement in my tummy, the “YAY I get to eat a cookie!” feeling. Its pathetic because I actually get excited over the thought of eating a cookie. It’s like Christmas for me, walking towards the break room: Ooohh I wonder if there is any chocolate ones? How big are they going to be? How many can I stash in my hoodie for the trip back?
I pretend I’m getting a whole bunch for the rest of my office when people look at me greedily clutching a pile of cookies. Then I even offer the cookies to everyone when I get back. Its sick, but I get angry and possessive if they actually want one. I don’t show it of course, but its in me.
Maybe if I stop being so dramatic and stop fantasizing about cookies all the time, then this wouldn’t be such a big deal. I would have some will power for a change. Its like when I hear that voice on the intercom, it might as well be saying “Hey crackheads, all the rock you can smoke in the break room!”
When I was pregnant, I ate a chocolate chip cookie everyday at 1:30 pm. It was my after lunch snack/dessert, whatever. But it was literally like clockwork. Maybe I developed the habit then and it has stuck with me ever since. Its sad, I remember feeling the unbridled joy of eating and not worrying about what I looked like. I think a lot of pregnant women go through the same feeling. The freedom, the relief of not worrying about your weight for the first time in your life.
Anyway, that’s all over, and now I have to find a backbone somewhere in my body. I think I am the first person in the world who has “dig deep” and find the strength to stand up to a plate of cookies.