The unexpected

The insane month of October continues to throw curve balls at us. Here’s the latest one.

About 7 months ago, I accompanied my close friend to Miami, FL to be her companion while she went through the final stage of egg donation. She decided to donate her eggs after struggling with fertility for about 3 years. After finally conceiving twins (born only two weeks after LB), she registered with an egg donation consulting firm and received almost immediately.

She asked me go with her, and through this I started to learn more about the donation process: the medication, the injections, the meticulous tracking of the cycles, the ultrasounds, all of it. After we returned from Miami, I started to get curious about my own DNA.

I was torn about donating for a long time. I figured there are so many children out there waiting to be adopted that going out of my way to assist someone in conceiving seemed selfish and unnecessary. The couples who choose egg donation want to experience pregnancy and birth, and I think those are the exact reasons they decide not to adopt. Having gone through pregnancy and birth myself, I can understand where someone might be coming from. That doesn’t excuse the fact that there are more and more children born every day that need to be adopted. I think it also takes a very special and incredible person to be an adoptive parent, and not everyone can rise to that occasion.

If someone has the made the decision to have a child through egg donation, then they are prepared to sacrifice a huge amount of time, money, emotional and physical stress. Even after going through all this…..


“The success rate varies depending upon age of eggs, retrieval process, quality
of semen, and the overall health of the women involved. In most cases,
younger eggs are selected to increase the probability of success. As
high as 48% of women using donor eggs will experience pregnancy,
however approximately 15-20% of women will lose the pregnancy through miscarriage.”
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/infertility/donoreggs.html

So its not at all a guarantee. It’s a gamble. If I can provide someone with
an incredibly useful tool, especially when my eggs are just going to waste every
month anyway, I think becoming a donor would make me very proud and satisfied.

Another reason I feel justified in becoming a donor is because of the huge amount of women who have put their careers and marriages before having children. Many of the couples who choose egg donation are in their late 30s and 40s. I completely respect the decision to wait, become financially and emotionally secure and then decide to have children.

The feminist in me also says “Hey, guys donate sperm ALL the time, and nobody gives them any crap about giving up a possible child.” Plus, an egg is not a child. The donor is not a mother. The family that carries it, raises and nurtures it, are the real parents. I am simply the biological component. I am the blueprint. The parents are going to build the house and live in it.

This is another reason why I would choose to be a donor, but never be a surrogate. The pregnancy stage of the fertility process is one of the most important stages of becoming a mother. That is why I think it takes someone incredibly special to adopt. Its also another reason why I think so many women who decide to give up their babies for adoption, change their mind during those 9 months. Honestly, after carrying a child for that long, thinking about it, and finally giving birth to it, I don’t see how someone could give it away. To me, you go through all those things in order to create that maternal instinct, that bond that makes you NEED that baby. If I were a surrogate, I would not be able to separate myself from the baby I was carrying.

For all you mothers who gave your child up for adoption, I don’t think you are disgusting or immoral. This is only my individual experience on the subject, and personally, this is why I could never be a surrogate, or give my child up for adoption. It is also the reason why I would feel no connection to my eggs after I donated them.

So that’s my big news for the month: I’m going to New York City to donate.

What is your opinion on Egg Donation? Surrogacy? Adoption? Whew, the stuff you get to think about when you have girl parts.

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7 thoughts on “The unexpected

  1. I personally feel very strongly about the issue of all the kids who need to be adopted. I think it’s selfish to have kids in light of that. Which is not to say that I’m not terribly selfish and plan to have kids rather than adopt; but on the other hand, I would never accept donated eggs/sperm before adopting an already extant child. (I think that this conviction comes largely from watching too much Law & Order SVU.) But I also don’t judge others’ decisions–so yay you! do you get to enjoy NYC? or is it going to be all appointments, no fun? Good luck! (how many eggs are you donating? How does that work, anyway?)

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  2. I tried to be an egg donor a few years ago. I had all the same reasons you did, plus, I’ll be honest, I was still paying for college and facing an insane amount of debt. The money was a big factor in my choice. Anyway, the point is, I was rejected. Turns out there’s too much cancer in my family, and no fertility center would take my eggs. It makes me wonder: If my eggs aren’t good enough for strangers, is it fair for me to use them someday? Am I condemning an innocent child to cancer if I choose to reproduce? I wish I hadn’t filled out the application form, because I wish I didn’t know that I have “undesireable” DNA.

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  3. Very often, the surrogate motherhood is the only way for the couples to have their own children. Many causes can become the obstacle, which do not permit to the parents to carry the children themselves. In this cases the surrogate mother becomes for the childless couple as a “life ring”.

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