I already shot down half of my goals. My mom brought home donuts the other night, and I’ve eaten two. The Head Honcho at work had her birthday yesterday and I ate a ginormous piece of carrot cake. There was also a meeting where the lovely ladies decided to bake mini cup cakes and cheesecake. I ate about 4 mini cupcakes but managed to stay away from the cheesecake. There was a bag of dinner rolls sitting nonchalantly in the break room and without a thought, I walked over and stuffed one in my mouth.
I have a snack before bed almost every night. I haven’t packed a salad for lunch in a week. I ate chicken Cesar wraps and pizza twice this week. I’ve also been binging on the most awesomely evil snack in the world: Trader Joe’s Veggie Sticks.
I hate the fact that I sit on my ass all day at work. I would almost trade my increased salary for the days of running tables and delivering pizzas. I got my exercise while I was on the CLOCK back then. Now every time I eat, I know that I’m going to have to find the time to expel those calories AFTER my day ends.
For a while, I was walking almost daily with my mom and grandma, after I picked LB up at daycare. It was nice, and I felt great. Now its like pulling teeth getting my child to sit in a stroller at all. The walk becomes a screaming, stopping, crying, throwing, pulling, picking-up ordeal, and eventually I have to let her out and walk around. This does nothing for my selfish desire to keep my heart rate up, because walking with a 16 month old has the calorie-burning equivalent of watching the grass grow.
Luckily I have my friends, who entertain LB on the weekend while we walk. I keep asking them to bring their dogs because honestly, I think it will give my child some form of entertainment that will keep her in the stroller long enough for me to work up a sweat. Otherwise she gets bored and my friends are forced to swing her up and down the path.
I need to walk more. I want to walk after work everyday, but after 8 hrs of daycare, I feel guilty for making LB sit in a stroller while I frantically try to burn off the fat, instead of taking her home and playing or reading with her. The thought of going to the gym and leaving her in ANOTHER hour of childcare after her long day, turns my stomach.
No, the solution is to GET CONTROL over my sweet, fried, bread gluttonization so I don’t feel so guilty that I get enough exercise. Well, maybe if I get up earlier and make a salad for lunch, work out and take a shower, then I won’t have to worry about stealing valuable time from my mommy schedule.
That’s it. I’m just going to have to suck it up. How much sleep would I have to cut out of my schedule in order for me to get a work out, shower and lunch made? 2 hrs?
I have to get to work a half hour earlier than my boss because I have to leave an hour earlier to pick up LB from daycare before they close at 5 pm. So my workday usually runs from 7:45 to 4:30, which technically only gives me 45 minutes for lunch (don’t tell HR).
I get up at 6:30 to get out of the door by 7:15 (I really should be getting up at 6:15, since I’m almost always late). If I add 2 hours for workout, lunch making and shower, then that means I would have to get up at 4:15 AM !!?!!
The thought of that literally makes me want to cry. I love my sleep, which is widely considered as being lazy, but I faithfully chalk it up to being a Pisces. We are deep sleepers, and very hard to rouse. That’s why when LB wakes up crying in the middle of the night, I’m being ripped from my innermost state of peace and solace ( haha dramatic isn’t it?).
I should really try it. Maybe I will feel better. Maybe I won’t be dead-ass tired by the end of the day (yeah right). Maybe I will be proud of myself. I am more than just a Pisces, I have some fire signs in me too, that might be able to kick the fish into gear.
Anyone want to try it with me?
P.S. Am I allowed to drink coffee BEFORE I work out?
P.P.S. Maybe this drastic change is backlash from the movie I watched last night. Seeing Jessica Alba just makes me feel even shiddier about myself. Plus watching this scene literally made me want to chain myself to a treadmill while purging a week’s worth of food. Ugh could I feel any worse about myself?
(world’s smallest violin plays)