Being Selfish

On Sunday I drove 3 hours from Durango to the nearest actual “city”: Albuquerque, NM. LB’s daddy actually agreed to spend some time with her and go on toddler patrol overnight. So, I had about 24 hours ALL TO MYSELF!!!

Even better, my mother decided to buy herself a new car, which meant I got to drive my grandmother’s sweet little Honda Accord on the way back. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I spent $70 at Victoria’s Secret (I haven’t been there in 2 years) and bought LB her first potty chair (AHHHHHH), as well as gates for the stairs on my new apartment. Then I splurged.
Ok, so Victoria’s Secret is a splurge too, but honestly, I think it is also a right to have good quality bras. A VS bra will last me 2 years at LEAST. If I hadn’t had a baby and went up and down God-Knows-How-Many sizes since I got pregnant, then I probably would still be wearing the same 36D I was before. Sadly, I am now a 38DD (THOSE OF YOU WHO SAID MY BOOBS WOULD GO BACK TO NORMAL AFTER I STOPPED BREASTFEEDING ARE LIARS!!).
So I bought bras that will actually fit me, and will last longer than the 6 weeks it takes for a cheap bra’s elastic to wear out. Ugh. Don’t you hate it when the underwire comes shooting out of the fabric and stabs you in the cleavage? NOT FUN.
But part two of my selfish day o fun was to buy the first CD I’ve purchased in about 13 months. Driving home through rural Northern New Mexico leaves about two choices for radio stations: Mariachi and God Talkers. I couldn’t face 3 hours of it. I bought Mary J Blige.
I haven’t just cruised and pumped the bass up for fun in sooooooo long. Mostly I’m worried about LB’s hearing, and my car doesn’t have a cd player, so whats the point in buying cds? I don’t have a computer of my own ( I always post from work). I don’t even have a boom box, or a walkman or anything that resembles a CD player. But man do I love music. I haven’t taken the time to really enjoy music in so long, and its such a pure and beautiful feeling.
So I drove home through the desert, red and gold and sage green with autumn colors. Over the Rio Puerco and arroyos. I drove though Cuba, NM -past the locally famous Mexican restraint: Bruno’s, where all the bikers stop at. I drove across the Jicarilla Reservation and the casinos. I watched the sun go down in the west, fantasizing I could so far that the grey line at the horizon must be smog from LA.
I don’t think the bass in my grandma’s car has been cranked up ONCE, but it definitely has now. I was singing along to “I’ll be there for you/You’re All I need“, yelling “I haven’t hear this SONG SINCE I WAS 12!!!” Man I really love that song. It’s amazing how the nostalgia of the music can just transport you back to when you were wearing plaid babydoll dresses over baggy jeans and screaming in joy every timeGangsta’s Paradise” came on the radio.
I have been in baby/toddler mommy mode for such a long time, I was relishing in the selfishness of being alone with myself, reminiscing. I am always doing 8 things at once now (even driving….ah scary huh?). I am on my cell phone, handing LB a cookie, digging around in the backseat for her sippy cup, and getting bouncy balls thrown at me, chauffeuring friends whose cars have broken down, all while trying to maneuver in rush hour traffic. Is this bad? Am I the only irresponsible mommy driver? Oh yeah, and my car is constantly trashed.
I really enjoyed my “me” time yesterday. I also had what I call “LB Letdown” during the entire process. I was very low, thinking about where she was, or what she was doing, and feeling guilty because I work full time, and every moment I have with her is precious. I finally got over it about 10:30 pm that night, and feel asleep, content in not having to worry about a 16 month old waking me up for once.
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2 thoughts on “Being Selfish

  1. Glad you enjoyed a little grown-girl time! I have to agree with you on getting stabbed in the boobie– not fun. I have actually gone to the length of sewing up the ends of the underwire sheath right after buying the bra just to prevent it from piercing me ever. Also, not putting your bras in the dryer is the best way I have found to prevent stretched-out-ness and stabby wires.

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  2. I’m glad you had fun on your trip. You are one of the least selfish people I know. Not to mention I do way too much while driving too (I think it’s from being a delivery driver and basically living in a car 10-12 hours a day). The whole bra things is so true too. I actually got pierced from underwire not too long ago. Love you =)

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