I have a problem. Well, a few…but this is a big one: I am a compulsive eater, and mostly when it involves bready things like cake, muffins, sandwiches, donuts or tortillas. I see it, I can’t pass it up.
This is how it plays out in my mind:
Enter me, notice huge pan of brownies sitting on the stove.
Brownies: Hi Hot Mama
Me: (blushing) Hey there..hehehe.
Brownies: Wanna come on over here and have a bite?
Me: No thanks, It’s past 10 and I should be in bed.
Brownies: Aww come on, we’re nice and warm and chocolatey.
Me: I bet you are, but I really should be doing something productive like Carmen Electra’s Stripperobics.
Brownies: Ok fine, but in the morning we’ll still be here and rock hard instead of fresh and yummy.
Me: OMG you’re right.
Brownie: And you you’ll still want one then, and will probably eat one just because its there. Doesn’t matter if we are stale.
Me: Wow, you really do know me. I hate to watch something so scrumptious go to waste.
And then its on. I will devour as much as I can stomach and go to bed feeling absolutely disgusting. But its like I seriously have no control after ground zero. I go into a state of meditation or something like a lucid dreaming. Its bad, and I want it to stop.
My solution so far has to been to completely avoid these craveable items at all costs. However, when I do see them, its like I revert to the Brownie Zombie again. Honestly, I think I really need to “just say no” like they taught us in the D.A.R.E program. Can someone make me a t-shirt that says “just say no to brownies”?
Even if I KNOW they are there, I can’t stop myself. At work people have the audacity to use the intercom to announce the presence of brownies in our building. For the rest of the day I can’t stop thinking about that plate of goodness in the break room. I want to strangle whoever made that stupid announcement, because I can’t even focus on my work.
My friend has invited me to go to weight watchers meetings, but I don’t know if that is going to help me. I think this is a deep rooted psychological issue rooted in my mother’s refusal to let us eat chemically altered goodies in the world.